Walkies

10.30AM INT. HALL WAY

A KNOCK AT THE DOOR BRINGS PART TIME MARGOT LEADBETTER AND MOTHER OF ONE MIRANDA SHAW, HER FOOT IN PLASTER, HOBBLING TO ANSWER IT.
BILLY A SLIGHTLY IMPOVERISHED YET HONEST MAN IN HIS MID TWENTIES BEAMS UP AT HER

MIRANDA
Oh you must be the dog guy

BILLY
That’s me

MIRANDA
Do come through, I’ll introduce you to Ralphie

10.30AM INT. LIVING ROOM

A LARGE DOBERMAN GREETS THEM

BILLY
Ralphie? That’s an unusual name for a Doberman

MIRANDA
My husband wanted to call him Rocky after a Boxer dog or something.
Not a chance.
Wait here I’ll get his lead.

BILLY
No it’s ok I’ve got…

MIRANDA WALKS OFF IN TO THE KITCHEN

CUT TO:
MIRANDA WALKING BACK IN THE ROOM TO SEE BILLY FURTIVELY WHACKING OFF THE SLIGHTLY CONFUSED YET CONTENT DOBERMAN

MIRANDA
(DROPPING THE LEAD)
What the

BILLY
It’s ok I got a lead

MIRANDA.CONT
hell do you think you are doing with my dog?

BILLY
(MATTER OF FACTLY)
Wanking him off

MIRANDA
In god’s name why?

BILLY
You rang me, you did, said ‘10 o’clock Tuesday,
my dog needs some exercise’

SHE GETS THE CARD FROM BY THE PHONE

MIRANDA
(ALOUD)
Does your dog need walking?
All breeds, ring William.
Well?

BILLY
Ohhh no, not again.
Those bloody printers, it should say ‘does your dog need wanking’

MIRANDA
Hold on there

BILLY
I told them I was illiterate and dyslexic, what do they do? Take the piss!
Wanking walking, walking wanking, I’ve had over a thousand cards printed too!
Do you know how hard it is when you’re illiterate AND dyslexic?

MIRANDA
Jesus man, no!

BILLY
Well I do. And now all that money wasted on duff cards!

MIRANDA
Why not just walk the dogs instead then?

BILLY
Do you know JUST how much competition there is for dog walkers in the city?

MIRANDA
No

BILLY
Loads. Bloody Loads
Do you know how much competition there is for the service I offer?

MIRANDA
I don’t want to know

BILLY
None!
Well there was one other, but he don’t do this anymore

MIRANDA
I should think not, I hope the vile man was arrested

BILLY
Arrested? Noooo
He’s into cat fiddling, reckons it’s more lucrative

MIRANDA
(AGHAST)
You have thirty seconds to leave my house or I’m calling the Police.

BILLY
Why?

MIRANDA
It’s my foot that’s broken not my hand.

THE END

Very funny up to the dylexic point. You didn't need anything more.

Thanks David

It's always good to get some feedback.

I was kind of (hoping too)lure people into the honey trap of the predictable walking/wanking mix up then surprising them at the end with the middle class lady who can wank her own dog off thank you very much as its her foot thats damaged not her hand thus the reason she required a dog walker in the first place.

Maybe i am adding to many eggs to the omelette

That wasn't there was it?

That could be a funny pay-off.

That is a good pay off, but I didn't realise it until you explained. Because in the sketch she doesn't say it until the very end and it comes long after the whole 'catching him wanking the dog'. You should shuffle it around a bit so that the pay off is more obvious.

I thought when she said "it's my foot that's broken not my hand" that she meant she's capable of using the phone to call the police!

Gotta agree with the confusion at the end. But nice idea if a little overlong. There are sections that are wordy because you repeat the same idea. For example

"I told them I was illiterate and dyslexic, what do they do? Take the piss!
Wanking walking, walking wanking, I’ve had over a thousand cards printed too!
Do you know how hard it is when you’re illiterate AND dyslexic?"

First and last sentence carry similar meanings and it suggests you could trim.

Also is it really crucial to the sketch that we know the time? It's an unnecessary detail that may overload a busy reader's mind. Timings (as far as I'm aware) only come into a shooting script.

But I'm enjoying your stuff.

Martin H, yeah good point, i didn't consider that folk may think she was infering her hand wasn't broken so she could use the phone to call the Police. Ditto slagA

Maybe i should put.

MIRANDA
(AGHAST)
You have thirty seconds to leave my house or I’m calling the Police.

BILLY
Why?

MIRANDA
It’s my foot that’s broken not my hand.

THE SCENE CLOSES ON HER PERFORMING A WANKING MOTION

THE END

As for the timings, i downloaded a few scripts and read somewhere that it was important for continuity or such like, so i did as i was told.

But thanks for the feedback

I'm turning into a right attention whore

Timings are important for continuity but continuity is only concerned with a shooting script (the version of the script the director and production team will create and work from), not really necessary for a spec script. The scripts you downloaded were more than likely shooting scripts.

INT. LOUNGE - DAY will do. Correct me if I'm wrong, peeps.

It is after all a very minor point, so in truth you need to do what you feel comfortable with.