Viz may have done something like this but what the hell… the scene is a fantasy darts tournament at Lakeside country club. Mr. Tickle is throwing against Darth Vader. Sid Waddell is commentating, and is famous for peppering his commentary with historical references.
Sid: Mr. Tickle up first… he would have been a busy man in the Wild West..working as a mobile noose.
Voice: One hundred and eighty!
MR TICKLE TURNS TO FACE THE CROWD, HIS ARMS OUTSTRETCHED TRIUMPHANTLY.
Sid: This little guy might look like a Dutch beachball but he’s got the accuracy of William Tell.
AS DARTH VADER APPROACHES TO THROW, MR TICKLE PURPOSELY LEAVES A TRAILING ARM. DARTH FALLS TO THE FLOOR. HE GETS UP AND BRINGS OUT HIS LIGHTSABRE. THE BOISTEROUS CROWD FALL SILENT.
Sid: We could have had the Reign of Terror at Lakeside... luckily for us Vader’s just sharpening his darts.
VADER DOWNS A BEER PER DART AND GETS A 180 AS WELL.
Sid: Have you ever seen a muzzled greyhound drinking a pint?
MR TICKLE’S WANDERING ARM GROPES A WOMAN’S BREAST. SHE GIVES HER HUSBAND A SWIFT SLAP TO THE FACE. SID SEES IT AND GETS DISTRACTED. 180 AGAIN FOR TICKLE.
Sid: Tickle is on a promise .. sorry.. finish.
DARTH RUSHES BACK FROM THE TOILET TO THROW ANOTHER 180.
Sid: Ali beat Foreman in the Rumble in the Jungle but its ale that has the beating of Darth.. he’s swaying like a windsock.
MR TICKLE IS PICKPOCKETING GALORE AND HIS SMALL HAT IS BULGING WITH WALLETS. SID HAS SEEN IT AND IS DISGUSTED. TICKLE MISSES A DOUBLE FOR THE MATCH.
Sid: Conscription is the only answer for this type of behaviour...Tickle would do well in the army… catapulting up through the ranks.
DARTH VADER IS NOW RIP ROARING DRUNK. HE NEEDS A BULLSEYE TO WIN. HIS DART IS HEADING WELL WIDE OF THE BOARD BUT CHANGES DIRECTION MID FLIGHT AND GOES IN TO THE BULLSEYE.
Sid: He’s played his joker, right at the end.. he’s used the force, albeit a drunken one.
AN ELATED DARTH VADER GRABS THE SCORER’S MIC AND BURSTS INTO SONG.
Darth Vader: I wanna be loved by you, just you, and nobody else but you… I wanna be loved by you, alone, boop boop de boop..
Sid: The Castrati he’s not.. Darth has a voice that could launch a thousand ships…
And talking about the force…
MR TICKLE IS LED AWAY HANDCUFFED TO THE WRISTS OF TWO POLICEMEN WHO ARE WALKING TWENTY FEET IN FRONT OF HIM.
Sid: They’ll have to lock him up and keep the key.
ENDS.
