The Music Biz

A PLUSH RECORD COMPANY OFFICE. AN A&R MAN IS SITTING WITH A GROUP OF WELL DRESSED CLEAN CUT YOUNG MEN. THEY ARE WESTLIFE LOOKIE LIKIES. THE A&R GUY LEANS OVER AND TURNS THE CD PLAYER OFF.

A&R GUY
So you think that the world needs another Westlife? A bunch of talentless monkeys who can't write or play and who record third rate covers of songs and mangle them horribly?

BAND MEMBER:
Yeah we do. There's gotta be more scope out there for a really bland load of shit like us.

A&R MAN:
Yeah OK Lads, fair enough. I'll get the contract drawn up.

CONTINUITY ANNOUNCER:
We'd just like to apologise for this sketch viewers. It's not very funny or clever but the writers just felt that they'd like to have a dig at boy-bands in general and Westlife in particular.

It makes me sick you know? I used to be in a band and we coulda made it. We supported Fatboy Slim at a pub in Walthamstow. What a f**king joke! All he does is play records by other people and piss about with them. We were all musicians but got nowhere! One of us went to piano lessons. That's how keen and dedicated we were.

Call that fair? It a bloody disgrace! That's what it is. And now look at me. Reduced to voiceover work on third rate late night sketch shows. Fair!? Don't talk to me about fair.

The music business! Hah! It's had the best years of my life. The bastard! The rotten filthy stinking bastard!

Not bitter are you?

Karaoke groups will always have a future when ITV's "entertainment" comprises Pox Factor,I'm a Twat get me outahere, Millionaire etc etc etc.

Nothing creative or intelligent - that's ITV.

Or even funny.

Wot, me bitter? Nah

I'm a brillint song writer but nobody else realises

I enjoyed this. It's not funny ha, ha, split your sides but it's not meant to be, is it? We all recognise that feeling of someone getting further that us with less tallent so that kind of stuff will always be funny, I suspect.

Sounds a bit like the blonde women on the Victoria Wood show... who slated everything in her very funny sarcastic manner...who then went on to become
Fred Elliots wife in Coronation street...I think she was a bit bitter as well..

Hey David I used to be the best guitar player in the universe but curiously I had the same problem as you.

Marion, Glad you liked this and yes it's saying what you said. I remember being bitter and twisted many years ago about not getting our big break whilst others sailed on to glory.

Reiss, I think that you're correct now you've pointed it out.
V W wasn't the motivation or inspiration but this is coming from the same place. I actually watched the X factor results show on Saturday and was appalled that the bimbo girl group was saved rather than the female soloist.

The other idea was for that Pythonesque "stop this it's all getting too silly" type of interruption mid-sketch.

We should start a band, i was the best drummer in the world.

And we can all do a karaoke at the meet on the 15th.