Newsrevue sketch

Ok I sent this sketch a fair few weeks ago. Hope you like it honest comment's this is my first time posting on this forum so see whats different here then!

Tony and George chat

SCENE INT. DARKISH ROOM WITH TONY BLAIR AND GEORGE BUSH ON THE PHONE TO EACH OTHER.

TONY – Hi there George just wanted to call I heard about the old mid term elections, you ok there fella?

GEORGE – (SULKY) I don’t wanna talk about it

TONY – Hey now you know you only have two years left. Now I can’t see you but I want a smile out of you mister… come on.

GEORGE – (AMERICAN LAUGH) you always know how to cheer me up Tony!

TONY – Yes it’s an awful pity your macaroni collages don’t have the same effect George (SIGHS)

GEORGE – Oh come on cheer up tell me what’s bothering you?

TONY – Well you see the police are investigating me because the party needed cash and I thought as these people lending money don’t have faith in the party in anyway I’d make it worth there while by making them lords or something.

GEORGE – Sounds like a plan. Wait why don’t ya try a new tactic for getting more money like…

TONY – (INTERRUPTING) not macaroni collages George there great but I was thinking more elegant.

GEORGE – hmmm ok how about soap baskets they smell great and there not illegal!

TONY – by George that’s crazy enough to work!

GEORGE – Yeah (CLAPS)

(THE SHOUTING AND CLAPPING ALERTS THE DEMOCRATIC SPOKEWOMEN NANCY PELOSI INTO GEORGES ROOM)

NANCY – George what are you doing? I said 10 minutes on the phone to your friends it’s been 15 now!

GEORGE – But I’m helping with Tony’s party issues!

NANCY – (HARSH MOTHERING TONE) I don’t care now go to bed now! We have Iraq to sort out in the morning and I don’t want you cranky for the general public

(GEORGE AND NANCY LEAVE THE ROOM GEORGE SEEMS VERY UPSET)

TONY – H – hello?

END.

I think it's quite an amusing scenario, but wasn't convinced by the execution. I think if we are to believe it's Tony and George talking, then we should recognise this in their speech patterns and phrasing. If we weren't told it was Blair and Bush, I think it could have been anybody, and then there is no joke. At the end where Nancy says 'I don’t care now go to bed now!', I think the repetition of 'now' stands out and indicates that this line needs more work. Sorry if this sounds negative, I do like the premise.

Oops quite an embarrassing grammar mistake on my part with "I don't care now go to bed now".

and Steve I except comments good or bad at least your's is constructive.

I had a look and it was looking promising until I saw it copied the basic framwork from... just kidding.

It was Ok, a good start. The characters need more work especially as they're also both acting upset...and then they're both trying to cheer each other up so it makes their dialogue similar. Maybe if just one of them was upset it'd be easier to make their lines more their own.

All in my humble opinion of course!!

I'd have worked in a 'Yo Blair!!' too.