Norman the builder.
INT. DAY. HOUSE.
A HUSBAND AND WIFE CLOSE FRONT DOOR TO A MODERN HOUSE. THEY HAVE SUITCASES AND HAVE JUST RETURNED FROM HOLIDAY.
WIFE. Wonder whether Norman has finished the conservatory. I’m so excited.
HUSBAND. Me too.
WIFE. It was such a wonderful idea of yours to whisk me off to the Caribbean for 3weeks so we wouldn’t have the builders working round us. Thank you darling. This has all been such a marvellous surprise.
THEY HUG AND KISS.
WIFE. (continues) I can’t wait, it’ll be so bright and sunny all year round, now. And look, love, there’s not a bit of mess. It’s as if they haven’t been.
THEY GIVE EACH OTHER A LOOK OF DESPAIR AND GIVE A LITTLE LAUGH.
HUSBAND. I certainly hope they have!
THERE IS A FAINT SOUND OF STRANGE SINGING FROM THE BACK OF THE HOUSE. THE PAIR LOOK AT EACH OTHER WITH RELIEF.
WIFE. Norman?!
HUSBAND. Is that you Norman?
NORMAN WALKS OUT TO GREET THEM. HE IS DRESSED IN CLOTHES FROM THE MIDDLE AGES.
NORMAN. Greetings, my lord and lady. And was thy holy-days to thine liking?
WIFE. Oh, yes, thank you.
HUSBAND. And has everything gone to plan here?
NORMAN. A man’s home is his castle and, if I’m bold enough to say, I’ve made this into the best castle a lord could ask for. Come hither and see.
THE THREE OF THEM WALK INTO A DARK ROOM WITHOUT WINDOWS.
THE HUSBAND AND WIFE LOOK CONFUSED.
WIFE. What’s this, a dungeon?
NORMAN. (laughs) Verrilly I say unto you that this is not a dungeon (he walks to the walls and indicated the slotted spaces to the outside) since dungeons do not have defences such as these. (rubs his hands along the groove) You can fire your arrows from here and I can guarantee that thin enemy will not be able to penetrate these 3ft walls. Also, if this were a dungeon then one wouldn’t expect to find a draw bridge.
NORMAN PULLS A ROPE ON THE WALL AND LOWERS A DRAW BRIDGE TO THE GARDEN.
NORMAN. (continues with a laugh) If this were a dungeon then the prisoners would let themselves out, now, wouldn’t they?
HUSBAND. Well .. Er .. I suppose they would but ..
NORMAN. (interrupting) and I should like to draw your attention to the quality mote that I have installed.
THEY STEP OUT ONTO THE DRAWBRIDGE AND LOOK AT THE MOTE.
WIFE. But it’s hardly a conservatory, Norman. It’s not made of glass.
NORMAN. (puzzled) But if it were made of glass then the enemy would be able to see in and what protection would you have from the arrows?
SUDDENLY AN ARROW WITH A SUCKER THWACKS INTO THE MIDDLE OF HUSBANDS FOREHEAD.
NORMAN. I rest my case.
HUSBAND. I suppose he could have a point.
WIFE. Hmmm. (looks at mote) Maybe koi carp would work in there after all.
Me, odd, geddoutofit!! I call myself 'colourful'.Thank you for your comments. 
