Cave Artistes

Another Baby Cow Neanderthal reject:

A TRADITIONALIST AND AN AVANT-GARDE NEANDERTHAL IN THEIR CAVE.
AVANT-GARDE DROWSES WHILST TRADITIONALIST PUTS LAST TOUCHES TO WALL-PAINTING OF NUMEROUS IDENTICAL BISON BEFORE STANDING BACK PROUDLY.

TRADITIONALIST: Finished!

AVANT-GARDE: (WAKING BUT NOT LOOKING UP) What is it this time?

TRADITIONALIST: More bison.

AVANT-GARDE: Ah.

TRADITIONALIST: What ya reckon?

AVANT-GARDE: Um, they’re great, but do you think they’re getting a bit (BEAT) monotonous?

TRADITIONALIST: (ANNOYED) No.

AVANT-GARDE: I mean. Something different might be nice.

TRADITIONALIST: I suppose I could squeeze a baby bison in that corner.

AVANT-GARDE: No, I meant something totally (BEAT) not bison.

TRADITIONALIST: Not bison?

AVANT-GARDE: No.

TRADITIONALIST: But we’re neanderthals.

AVANT-GARDE: Ye-es, but we don’t have to conform to the stereotype.

TRADITIONALIST: What?

AVANT-GARDE: We are supposed to be artistes.

TRADITIONALIST: But I’m good at bison.

AVANT-GARDE: Had you never thought of branching out at all?

TRADITIONALIST: Well, I always wanted …

AVANT-GARDE: Yes?

TRADITIONALIST: To paint a Neanderthal …

AVANT-GARDE: (INTERESTED) Ah.

TRADITIONALIST: (EXCITEDLY PICKING UP SPEAR) … Gored by bison.

AVANT-GARDE: (RAISES ARMS CALMINGLY) O.K. O.K. Look. I understand you like bison. Let me run this past you. We fill the cave with real, hairy, life-like bison.

TRADITIONALIST: Nice.

AVANT-GARDE: I thought you’d like it. (BEAT) There’s only one problem.

TRADITIONALIST: What’s that?

AVANT-GARDE: Where the f**k round here do I find formaldehyde?

A good idea and nicely executed, but the punchline feels a little clunky. It could possibly be elongated to more surreal flights of fancy.

I totally agree with Cinnamon. This was written sooooo well and I was with them and laughing but the punchline didn't really stand up to the quality of the rest of the sketch.
I liked it an awful lot.

F**k. I can't do punchlines.

And I only did that idea, and basically completely missed the brief for the Baby Cow competition - a "fifties dad" in Neanderthal times - because I had that idea for the end.

You've got a great punchline in your current "God's Truth" sketch, Cinnamon. Maybe I should just write intros and send them on to you!

Do I sense a union coming on?

The idea of a caveman painter wanting to branch out form painting bison is funny. The punchline fell flat though.

Incidentally, what happened to the 50's dad?

I like the idea of the punchline - the joke itself.

The actual wording could possibly be sharpened up though.

Quote: David Bussell @ November 21, 2007, 5:20 PM

what happened to the 50's dad?

View original

Ah yes. You spotted the fatal flaw in this as a competition submission. I hoped they wouldn't notice.

Didn't need a punchline. The sketch is strong enough without it.

Thanks Baumski.

The trouble is the only places I've got anywhere is Treason Show or Newsrevue where they insist on a punch-line. I can't really get the hang of how you end it otherwise ...

By the way, really liked your Shitty Shitty Railways at Treason Show some months back. Went down a storm the night I went.

Cheers for that. I take your point about punch-lines but there are ways around it. I'll pm you.