The Performing Gene
A school hall
A school assembly
The teenage pupils sit in neat rows, while a teacher hovers at the back. Three people are on the stage; one man is central, and is behind a microphone on a stand, while a man and a woman flank him. To the sides of the trio are tables on which leaflets are arranged.
Central Man
To prevent the spread of disease there are certain precautions that one must take. Always - and I mean this is in the sense of always doing this - use a condom. Whatever the situation you must..
The teacher slips quietly from the hall. The CM stares at the door nervously before coughing and swinging forward on the microphone stand. Raising a fist to the roof he launches into Tom Jones' 'It's Not Unusual'.
Central
It's not unusual to be loved be anyone, it's not unusual to have fun with anyone..
He sings with a misplaced bravado while the assistants wave their arms and interject 'woo's'.
Central Man
It's not unusual, no, it's not unusual...
The teacher slips back into the room and looks up at the stage. The man is still leant forward on the microphone stand.
Central Man
It's not unusual to uhh..catch diseases from..microphones such as this one. Can everybody see that? Crawling with nasty, filthy little diseases.
