Int. Mr Raybeam’s Office, King Edward VI School – 14.00
Mr Raybeam, the school headmaster, enters the room followed by Mr and Mrs Thorn. Mr Raybeam sits down at his desk and beckons for Mr and Mrs Thorn to take seats.
Mr Raybeam: Now then, I’m sure you both know why you’ve been called in today. Your son’s been causing a lot of trouble.
Mrs Thorn: I don’t think he means any harm. Sure, he can be a little devil, but it’s probably just a phase.
Mr Raybeam: Little devil? Just a phase? Mrs Thorn, without a shadow of a doubt, your son Damian is the antichrist.
Mr Thorn: (LAUGHS) I’ve never heard such nonsense.
Mr Raybeam: Well how do you explain the horns?
Mrs Thorn: Oh that’s just his hormones. I’m sure you remember being a young man and (CHUCKLES) having strange things pop up all of a sudden.
Mr Raybeam: Don’t joke, Mrs Thorn. The teachers really have had enough. Would you like to hear what Damian’s chemistry teacher has to say about him?
Mr Thorn: Chemistry teacher? Pah, they’re all on drugs.
Mr Raybeam: Well I’ll bring him in and you can hear it for yourself.
Mr Thorn: Go on then, I could do with a laugh.
Mr Raybeam gets up and leaves the office. He comes back in carrying a bucket. He tips it up and pours sand all over the desk.
Mrs Thorn: Sand? Whatever’s this?
Mr Raybeam: THIS is Mr Jones. He caught Damian brewing up some brimstone this morning. He tried to stop him and this happened.
Mrs Thorn: Well I suppose he has got a bit of a temper on him, but then you know what teachers are like. They’re power mad.
Mr Thorn: Yeah, they think they can boss the kids around and tell ‘em what to do. Anyway, teachers and pupils always butt heads a little bit.
Mr Raybeam: The only thing Mr Jones will be butting heads with now is a bucket and spade.
Mr Thorn: Sounds like a bit of a wimp to me.
Mr Raybeam: Now, its not just the teachers who are having trouble with Damian. Only yesterday he started on our foreign exchange student.
Mr Thorn: Where’s he from? This foreign student, where’s he from?
Mr Raybeam: Spain.
Mr Thorn and Mrs Thorn start laughing.
Mr Thorn: Well I’m not surprised that Damian’s having trouble with him. You know what the Spanish are like. They’re highly provocative.
Mrs Thorn: From the Spanish Armada through to General Franco. Very provocative nation.
Mr Raybeam: I can assure you that there was no provocation. He merely said “I come from Madrid and my name is Jesus Pablobar”. (BEAT) Next thing we know, Damian’s got him nailed to a crucifix.
Mr Thorn: Oh, so his woodworks coming along quite nicely then?
Mr Raybeam: Well yes, his design technology teacher thinks he’s an absolute saint.
Mr Thorn: Yeah? Well maybe you should get this teacher down here to stick up for Damian. I mean, you’ve already got Mr Sand here sticking the knife in. It’s not fair.
Mr Raybeam: Hmm, I suppose you’ve got a point.
Mr Raybeam picks up his phone and dials a number.
Mr Raybeam: Is that woodshop? Ah excellent, could you get him on the line for me please?
Mr Raybeam looks up at Mr and Mrs Thorn.
Mr Raybeam: He’s just coming. (The other end has picked up) Ah, Mr Lucifer!
END
© Ben Ricketts 2007
