These are brilliant (IMO) Real place names with made up definitions for common experiences for which there is not yet a word. (Invented by Douglas Adams)- sorry, Paul Jennings
Towcester (n): The eager anticipation of hot buttered crumpets after a crisp country walk.
Pembroke (n): The devastating blow upon receiving the credit card bill after a holiday.
Flapppit Spring (n): A fruitless leap to catch a swing door.
Crimplesham (n): Innate chat at the hairdresser's.
Totnes (n): The vastly increased quantity of luggage required when travelling with young children.
Lossiemouth (n): Energetic but futile cleaning of neglected teeth prior to a dental appointment.
Oxenpill (n): The bewilderment experienced in health shops.
Beaminster (n): A smile from the bishop after evensong.
Quither (vb, intr): To be indecisive when confronted by a choice of supermarket queues.
Pateley Bridge (n): Ineffective comb-over to conceal baldness.
Bonn (n): when staying at a seaside guesthouse, the irresistible urge to whack the dinner gong and run off.
Interlaken (n): humorous or mildly risqué material circulated via an office email system by people with not enough work to do.
Clayhidon (n): A gift of china that is confined immediately to a drawer or cupboard.
Chapel Allerton (n): The hesitant uncertainty of a congregation at a wedding as to when they should start singing.
Ratlinghope (n): the satisfying clatter in the hose of a vacuum cleaner that tells the user there is one less piece of Lego in the house.
Avon Gorge (n): annual tyre-eating contest.
East Hendred (n): Fear of bird flu.
Lewtrenchard (n): person elected to dig the latrines on a camping holiday.
Much Marcle (n): period between July and September when television schedulers show endless Agatha Christie repeats, believing that most viewers are on holiday.
Barnack (n): An inherited ability to be served first during the drinks interval.
Tippacott (n): A high-spirited Edwardian nursery game, abandoned after the large number of head injuries sustained by young children.
Pinner (n): A dull guest at a party who selects people in a corner where they can't escape.
Gobowen (n): A teenage son of an old friend who was perfectly angelic as a child but then changed on reaching puberty into a moody, mumbling Goth.
Chard (n): A cheap or badly regulated gas barbecue.
Charminster (n): item of food recovered from a Chard. (see above).
Loftus (n): A collection of intimate photographs of ex-lovers found by your husband/wife while cleaning out the attic.
Coatham (vb): To overload a peg with too many jackets.
Rottingdean (n): the slightly fusty smell of ecclesiastical or ceremonial garments stored in damp conditions.
Bungay (n): the steadily mounting realisation that you are about to develop a cold.
Redditch (n): an unpleasant, creeping malaise felt under the skin when Labour has been in power for a bit too long.
Mabelthorpe (n): an elderly maiden aunt to whom visits as a child require being on one's best behaviour.
Mildenhall (n): a Victorian or Edwardian house, unchanged in decor since before the 1950s, which is home to a Mabelthorpe (see above).
Beadnell (n): A communal dropping to all fours after the breaking of an elderly aunt's necklace.
Bacup (n): The practice of using the remains of Sunday's joint in a pie on Monday.
Mumby (n): an embarrassing tendency still to call one's offspring "dear" or "darling" in public when they are in their 20s.
Hinton Admiral (n): A retired naval officer whose elaborate stories of his career belie the fact that he rose no further than sub-lieutenant.
Tilbury (n): A person who, having unloaded a week's shopping at the supermarket check out, is quite unable to remember his credit card PIN.
Shelfanger (n): any atrophying item removed from an elderly parent's fridge under the right of Selby (qv 'Liffs of the Week' passim).
Llantwit Major (n): An army officer who, despite well deserved promotion in the forces, is still quite unable to organise the tombola at the village fete.
Fontwell (n): The jet of water that nearly floods your kitchen when you are filling the washing-up bowl and the tap is above a cup, spoon or dish.
Clonbulloge (n): A children's story so poorly written and badly illustrated that it gives no pleasure to either the reader or the child.
Walsingham (n): The late-middle-aged couple who are always first on the wedding dance floor, where they perform a series of unlikely but impressive dance routines
Humberside (n): a sudden inability to walk naturally in front of a group of seated people. The condition usually develops into an uneven limp or bizarre lolloping
Uncleby (n): A small gathering of distantly related men only ever seen at weddings or funerals
Milton Abbas (n): Anti-bacterial solution supplied to churches for sterilising communion vessels
Barden (n): An annoying student of Shakespeare who laughs loudly before amusing lines have been fully delivered on stage
Selby (n): labelling system that gives the families of elderly parents licence to throw away a minimum of half the contents of the fridge whenever they visit
White Lackington (n): unit of measurement equating to the amount by which you underestimate the quantity of emulsion required to finish painting a wall, ceiling, etc.
Blandford (n): the most basic model in any car manufacturer's range, favoured by fleet operators for issue to junior trainee sales reps
Wheldrake (n) The slightly awkward stumble when you step on your loose shoelace
Routh (vb) Furtive but deeply rewarding nose-picking when no one is looking
Wrantage (n) The length by which a piece of string, wood or metal is too short to do the job for which it is intended. Also used in a derogatory sense about the male member
Aachen (n): the first person listed in everyone's mobile phone memory, who repeatedly gets unintentional, incoherent calls from the inside of handbags and pockets
Aspull (n): the clenching of the buttocks the first time you undress in front of your partner. Also applies to the memory of a gaffe you made several years earlier
Spennymoor (n): the irrational feeling of wealth after having claimed one's expenses.
Ebbesbourne Wake (n): the substantial bow wave caused by a fat person jumping recklessly into a small swimming pool.
Cowpen Bewley (n): The smell of a teenager's bedroom.
Ingst (n): Discomfort born of reading a newspaper not of one's political orientation.
Drumjohn (n): Lavatory cistern that, when flushed, creates a thumping noise in the plumbing system, telling everyone where you have been.
Worplesdon (n): Low-grade chipboard used in the manufacture of self-assembly bookcases.
