Son of a Pitch
The mock-up bit made me laugh!
Heh heh - Gary the Pylon should have his own spin off series in a sort of Friends/ Joey style.
This was as good as your Mummy. Sketch that is.
Hi David
I couldn't quite make my mind up about this one. I thought that the premise was quite good but perhaps the setting was a bit wrong (no not the room, but who you were pitching it to - a pal - think he's good btw)
What I mean is that perhaps it might have been more amusing if the guy was actually pitching it to a studio exec /s although budget probably won't allow you to get on a plane and fly to Disney studios.
But maybe stick your "oppo" in a suit and shoot him against a plain wall and try and get two camera angles in the piece to break it up visually. And change the script around a bit to suit the new setting. (Only my opinion and it may not be anywhere near what you're trying to say of course)
Hopefully this isn't coming across as too negative because I think there is a nice sketch in there waiting to get out
Funny when the pylon sketches were brought out. The way the two characters were talking reminded me of Mighty Boosh a bit. I liked it. I agree with Blenkinsop to some degree, but think you could also develop it still keeping the 'two friends' if more was made of the scenario, e.g. the pitcher asking the friend what he thought his chances were, with the friend not knowing how to break the bad news. 'Pass it on' - funny - they're pylons! Enjoyed it.
Is monty pylon in it? 
The Life Of Gary ?
I may well treat this as a rehearsal and shoot a more traditional writer/producer version in the future.
Thanks for the comments, lady and gents.
Found it funny, nice work Hustle and Bussell