British Comedy Guide

Blasphemy Sketch


Newsreader
We now cross over to Liverpool, where it's believed that a riot is taking place. Stephen Irons has the story.

A newsreader stands on a pavement. Behind him ranks of solemn Liverpudlians march through the street, shouting incomprehensibly.

Stephen Irons
Thankyou Jennifer. Yes, there is chaos in Liverpool today as hundreds of citizens take to the streets to protest against alleged comments made by football pundit Gary Lineker as to the form of Liverpool midfielder Stephen Gerrard. This is my report.

A large man in a Liverpool t-shirt is waving a sign reading 'death to those who say that Gerrard is past it'. Other signs read 'kill the pundit that strikes against Gerrard' and, quite simply, 'death to Lineker'. Others merely wave Liverpool flags.

Stephen Irons Vo.
Liverpudlians today; inflamed and angry. The cause? Words spoken in jest from a commentator's box. We cannot repeat the words, but they are believed to have been derogatory and concerning the skills of Liverpool's star player Stephen Gerrard.

A large man is shouting into a microphone.

Man
It's an insult to a proud tradition, a proud tradition of football in Liverpool. It is an insult and they shall pay!

Stephen Irons Vo.
Can you make threats so openly?

Man
It's a free country, I can say whatever I like.

Another Man is shouting into the microphone.

Man 2
Liverpool is in our blood. I support Liverpool, my father supported Liverpool, his father supported Liverpool, his Father supported Everton and was thrown into the River Mersey by his sons.

Stephen Irons Vo.
The Football Association has assured the public that they will not submit to pressure and change their broadcasting to suit individual needs.

There is a short clip of a football game, with Stephen Gerrard losing the ball when the commentators divert their own attentions.

Commentator
In it goes into the opposition half, Gerrard's on the ball and ahh....lovely..shirt he's wearing there...nice and red...the game goes on.

Laughing out loud very Laughing out loud very Laughing out loud good Laughing out loud

Quote: Cinnamon @ November 9, 2007, 10:01 PM

Stephen Irons Vo.
Can you make threats so openly?

Man
It's a free country, I can say whatever I like.

I liked it - especially this line.

Because of course Liverpool supporters are the most loveable and sporting of all football teams and are not at all responsible for (edited).

And (edited)!

Are Liverpool fans renowned for intolerance? It wasn't really aimed at them but Steven Gerrard was about the only footballer that I could accurately place.

Thankamayou :)

No - it's OK - I've got a long memory and scousers are renowned for being loveable scamps.

It was good!

Chears muchly :)

I liked the line, others merely wave Liverpool flags, as if to say i've no idea what this is about, but to show i'm a true scouser i'll join in anyway.
Fine sketch!

Chears Ray :)

One may as well wave Liverpool flags as Union Jacks....if one's inspired by the whole flag waving concept anyway.

Nice, nice...

Share this page