F**king Hell! C**segnalazioni Gappy for wanking it. PM me with a subject for next wank please.
Meanwhilst..
3 - Gappy
1 - APlate
Next topic: Entertainment
Leg closed: 7.12.24
Runners are nowt...
Position Score Name
1 5 APlate, Gappy
2 2 Otterfox
Just Before The Phwoar With Emma 30.11 - 7.12.24
SLIP COM
PUB.
TOM and DICK.
TOM Y'know, Dick, there' one thing I don't understand...
DICK Just one?
TOM Shut up. you see, I can never remember any 'Blackadder.'
DICK Don't worry. I have a cunning plan.
TOM I can never remember any 'Hitch-Hiker's Guide to the Galaxy.'
DICK Don't panic.
TOM I can never remember any 'One Foot in the Grave.'
DICK I don't believe it.
TOM I can never remember any 'Vicar of Dibley.'
DICK No, no, no, no, no, no, no...
TOM I can never remember any 'Little Britain.'
DICK No but yeah but no but...
TOM I can never remember any 'Only Fools and Horses.'
DICK You plonker.
TOM Or any 'Catherine Tate Show.'
DICK Am I bovvered?
TOM Or 'Till Death Us do Part.'
DICK You silly moo.
TOM Or 'Friends.'
DICK How you doing that?
TOM Or 'Two Ronnies.'
DICK Then it's good night from me and...
TOM Or 'The Simsons.'
DICK D'oh!
TOM Or 'The Fast Show.'
DICK Which was nice.
TOM Or 'Extras.'
DICK You 'aving a laugh?
TOM 'Steptoe and Son.'
DICK You dirty old man.
TOM 'Alan Partridge.'
DICK A-ha?
TOM 'Dick Emery.'
DICK Oooh, you are awful, but...
TOM 'Laurel and Hardy.'
TOM Well that's another nice mess you've...
DICK 'Wacky Races.'
TOM Well don't just stand there...
DICK 'Ali G.'
TOM Is it because I is...?
DICK 'The Young Ones.'
TOM You utter, utter...
DICK 'Monty Python.'
TOM It's...
DICK 'Tommy Cooper.'
TOM Just like that?
DICK 'Allo 'Allo.
TOM Listen. I will say this...
DICK And I can never remember any 'Mrs Brown's Boys.'
TOM Thank f**k for that. It's shit.
SFX: PHONE RING
GILES: Hello, Giles Ptolemy.
CHRONIC: Yo, Giles, my man. It's me, Chronic.
GILES: Good afternoon.
CHRONIC: It's Chronic Cortex.
GILES: Indeed.
CHRONIC: Chronic Cortex who's signed to your label, bruv.
GILES: Yes. Believe it or not, you are the only Chronic Cortex with whom I'm acquainted. The name does stick in the mind somewhat.
CHRONIC: Yeah, sweet. So, listen up, cuz: I'm about to drop something big.
GILES: Goodness - put the phone down and use both hands!
CHRONIC: Naah, mate, I'm going to drop something hot.
GILES: Well, maybe that is a good idea, then.
CHRONIC: No, you're not feeling me. I'm gonna drop some shit.
GILES: Oh, definitely. Don't pick it up in the first place, is my advice, Chronic.
CHRONIC: What you chatting? I'm going to drop a banger.
GILES: I'd advise against playing with fireworks.
CHRONIC: No! A banger.
GILES: A sausage?
CHRONIC: The other sort of banger!
GILES: A dilapidated jalopy.
CHRONIC: Them's not even words, blood. I mean a sick anthem, you know my style: bare jamz.
GILES: Is he the gentlemen who lives in the wilderness off spider webs and marigolds.
CHRONIC: Whuh? I'm talking about my choon.
GILES: Ah! A new composition.
CHRONIC: Straight.
GILES: Now we understand each other!
CHRONIC: I'm about to drop it.
GILES: And now we don't. Where will you "drop" it?
CHRONIC: TikTok. Tidal. Spotify. I'm a put up it up there.
GILES: So, when you say "drop", you actually mean, "put up"?
CHRONIC: Course, cuz.
GILES: This does seem willfully misleading. Is it like when wicked means good?
CHRONIC: [INDULGENT] Yeah, that's it. Now, check it out, I want a huge launch party, yeah? It's got to be the biggest night.
GILES: The Winter Solstice? It's quite some months away.
CHRONIC: Man get vexed by you! You're off base, blood. Why'd you even sign Chronic Cortex to your label, anyway.
GILES: I thought I was signing Kronos Quartet.
CHRONIC: Never heard of him. So, maybe my name doesn't "stick in the mind" as much as you said.
GILES: Oh, mark my words I'll never forget it now. Every time I check the company accounts I'm forcibly reminded of the negligible return we're getting on your impenetrable grimey-hop meanderings.
CHRONIC: Twat!
GILES: I understood that. Perhaps we're getting somewhere after all.
CHRONIC: Alie!
GILES: Or, then again...
GAME SHOW
PRESENTER: Hello, and welcome to Adam Pillow's Entertainment Programme! My name is George Nitrogen, so Christ knows who Adam Pillow is! But anyway, that is quite literally the name of the game, so deal with it. That's what the boss said to me, anyway.
BRIEF MUSIC BIT
PRESENTER: Saturday nights have just become FUN nights! So...
AUDIENCE APPLAUDS
PRESENTER: Hang on, that was a bit premature. As the bishop said to the... Or however it goes. I've never understood those jokes. Anyway, it's 8.00pm, it's Saturday night, and it's time for FUN! So...
AUDIENCE APPLAUDS
PRESENTER: You keep applauding too soon. Or perhaps you're just big fans of the word 'so'! Ha! Ha! Well, no reaction there, so obviously not. Anyway, let's meet the players!
A MAN AND WOMAN WALK ON SET, WAVING AT THE AUDIENCE AND SMILING
PRESENTER: Go on then. Introduce yourselves. Do it now.
MAN: Oh, well, hi George. My name's Arthur, and I'm from Dewsbury!
PRESENTER: Oh. What about the woman?
WOMAN: Hi George. I'm Ivy, and I'm from Cardiff!
PRESENTER: A Northener, and a woman from Wales. Makes you think.
CHEERFUL MUSIC STARTS, AND FEMALE VOICE SINGS: "Adam Pillow's Entertainment Programme" A FEW TIMES
PRESENTER: F**kin' Adam Pillow! Lord knows why they couldn't just call it George Nitrogen's Entertainment Programme. Or better still, something good.
MAN: What's round one, then, George?
PRESENTER: I'm glad you asked, Arthur. Fingers on buzzers... The first one to answer correctly wins... Ready?
WOMAN BUZZES IN AND SAYS: No.
PRESENTER: Well done, Ivy, you've won a speedboat.
AUDIENCE APPLAUDS
CHEERFUL MUSIC STARTS AGAIN, AND FEMALE VOICE SINGS: "Speedboat, speedboat, you've won a speedboat, on Adam Pillow's Entertainment Programme" A FEW TIMES
PAUSE
MAN: Is that it, then?
PRESENTER: It is for me. Career wise.
gappy, some good wordplay. It takes guts to try Bare jamz/Bear Grylls as a thing, but it gets a pass!!
Gappy again.
I'm Plating again this week (though I feel Otterfox should have 5% of the point, because that opening line feels as though kt was inspired by his work!)
Quote: gappy @ 8th December 2024, 11:58 AMI'm Plating again this week (though I feel Otterfox should have 5% of the point, because that opening line feels as though kt was inspired by his work!)
Heh, it wasn't intentional, but reading it back I think I see what you mean!