The use of instruction in scene description?

Hello guys,

I have a query about writing description in a scene. For illustration purposes lets suppose we have a room. In one corner we have a character doing something and we are concentrating on this. In the other corner we have two more characters (lets call them Mr X and Mr Y). What I want to happen is the camera moving from one corner to the other corner so as to see what X and Y are doing. Should the description be like this:-

THE CAMERA MOVES TO WHERE MR X AND MR Y ARE HUDDLED AROUND A TABLE.

Is it ok to say 'The Camera moves' or is that taken as the writer trying to give technical instructions? Is it better to say 'We move to' or should it be written in such a way to avoid phrases like 'camera, we, us' such as:-

IN THE OTHER CORNER MR X & MR Y ARE HUDDLED AROUND A TABLE

If this is the case though is this enough instruction to let you know that you now have to concentrate on Mr X & Mr Y?

ps, hope this question is posted in the right section (be gentle if it isn't!)

Def.

I've also had problems with this in the past but I usually put "We move to..." or.."We cut to..." etc.

you could also put. the camera pans to Mr X and Mr Y, or so i'm told.

I'd just do what you've done in the first one and not worry about it too much. As long as you get the point across in an uncomplicated fashion, no-one is going to penalise you.

Bear in mind that the director is going to have his own way if it gets filmed anyway!

Dan

Just put 'cut to', otherwise it might seem like you're putting a load of visual director-style thigs in, and they might not like that.

I try not to use 'we', it's sounds a bit silly in my head.

Cut to the table.

A crash of plates can be heard.

Reveal a waiter.

All very basic and descriptive, no extraneous wording.

Putting 'Cut to'

If you put CUT TO does this not mean a new scene on a fresh page though? I was thinking that as my action was taking place in the same room with the same characters it was part of that particular scene.

OR....

Is it in actual fact a new scene by the nature that the writer is now concentrating on a different area of the room? hmmm (scratches head )

You should be fine as long as you don't go into things like - We see a long shot of JIM, zoom in to his face - which is how I used to write and got told off for doing so.

Simplicity is the key but not at the expense of clarity. Leave the reader knowing exactly what you meant.

Keep you writing as taught as possible, and that includes action descpritions. People tend to concentrate on re-writing dialogue, but think how much clarity and succinctness you can give to the reader when describing what's physically and emotionally going-on.

I tend to use the 'WE CLOSE-UP ON... WE CUT ACROSS TO... WE NOTICE...' etc. Describe the action in the fewest words and paint a picture. If an action or prop. if superfluous to the reading, then discard it.

Remember you are creating a visual comedy/drama/action in the reader's mind, not a technical or director's vision. Only give technical or shot directions when they are absolutely essential to the comedy.

My overall advice is, write as few words (overall) in a script to make absolutely clear what you need to communicate what's in your mind.

The less you write, the more the Producer and Director will think it's their idea... and as long as you're being commissioned..

Once you've got some success you can tell them what to do and get a proper job done!!

Thanks guys, this has been a great help.

Def.

Funny how they say never use the royal 'we' and yet top scripts do.

Can only echo those before and say kept script directions down to a minimum.

The most valuable advice I've heard is to write as if you're describing the story to a blind person.

Also, camera directions are a big no-no in a spec script (apparently).