F**king Hell! C**segnalazioni to Otterfox for winking. PM me with a subject for next wank please.
Meanwhilst...
Otterfox - 3
Teddy - 2
Next topic: Fantasy
Leg closed: 15.11.23
Runners are nowt...
Position Score Name
1 3 Otterfox
2 2 Teddy
Halliwell 16, 1924 8-15.11.23
PERCY IS IN HALLWAY OF HIS HOUSE.
(KNOCK, KNOCK ON OTHER SIDE OF THE FRONT DOOR)
PERCY: Who's there?
VOICE: Doctor.
PERCY: Well, that's a novelty! In this day and age! It's a nightmare just getting a G.P. appointment, and yet here you are - a doctor - apparently doing random house calls!
VOICE: No. It's a joke.
PERCY: Oh! I like it. Very funny.
VOICE: No, I haven't finished yet.
PERCY: Why, what do you want? What's going on?
VOICE: No, no, I'm Doctor Who, you see.
PERCY: Good Lord! Are you really? 'Cos you keep changing, don't you? I thought you were going to be black before Christmas, but then I saw a clip on telly and you seem to have turned back into David Tennant.
VOICE: Well, whatever. It was just supposed to be a fun little greeting, before we start doing stuff. I'm one of the Doctor Whos. Are you going to open the door?
PERCY: No, I'm not going to do that. You could be anyone.
VOICE: Yeah, I'm f**ken Doctor Who!
PERCY: I must admit, I do have a fantasy about Doctor Who. Not any of the male Doctor Whos, obviously. I mean, that would be unspeakable, and maybe even punishable by imprisonment. But the female Doctor Who... phwooar! Eh?
VOICE: Well, I'm one of the male ones, I'm afraid. I wasn't programmed to be female.
PERCY: Well, we can improvise! As long as you don't inform the police! (laughs) Hang on, programmed? What's going on?
SCENE GOES ALL WEIRD
SCENE: SOMEONE REMOVES A HEADSET FROM PERCY'S HEAD. HE'S IN A DIFFERENT BUILDING. HE'S BEEN ON ONE OF THOSE FUCKEN VIRTUAL REALITY WOTSITS
PERCY: Oh! Blimey, that was so real, I forgot what was going on and what I was supposed to be doing.
MAN IN WHITE COAT: Yes, that was your opportunity to live out your fantasy. Unfortunately, you didn't give us very precise details of what you wanted. And then during the simulation, you ended up talking so much BOLLOCKS, that the system couldn't be bothered anymore, and crashed.
PERCY: Hey ho.
MAN IN WHITE COAT: Anyway, thank you for choosing the services of Virtual Fantasies, even though it didn't quite work out. We can give you a discount if you like? Shall we call it £1,000?
PERCY: That'll be grand.
MAN IN WHITE COAT: Ah! Nice to finish on an actual joke, isn't it?
ARAGORN:Legolas! What do your elf eyes see?
LEGOLAS:[STEELY] I beg your pardon.
ARAGORN:I said, what do your elf eyes see? It's not like you to mishear. Not with your elf ears.
LEGOLAS:My what ears?
ARAGORN:Your elf ea- your ears. Just your ears.
LEGOLAS: Damn right, just my ears. None of your racist talk.
ARAGORN:I wasn't being racist! I mean, it is definitely true that people of your...background...have better senses. It's a compliment, if anything.
LEGOLAS: Oh, it's a compliment, is it? That's OK, then. Next you'll be pointing out how the elves have a "natural sense of rhythm".
ARAGORN:You do! You're the best musicians in Middle Earth!
LEGOLAS:Yes, OK, we are. We're the best in the middle world. You could go all round the middle globe and not find a better musician than an elf. But it's racist to say it.
ARAGORN:I don't understand.
LEGOLAS:You wouldn't, you're a mortal human.
ARAGORN:How's that alright?
LEGOLAS:It just is.
ARAGORN:Fine! So what do you see?
LEGOLAS: Shitloads of Uruk Hai! Coming right at us.
ARAGORN:What will we do?
LEGOLAS:Run!
ARAGORN:But we'll never get away!
LEGOLAS:Well, I will. But then, I don't have your crappy man legs.
INT. BEDROOM - DAY
TED and LUCY lie in bed together. Lucy idly flicks through a copy of Cosmopolitan magazine, then turns to Ted with a suggestive look.
LUCY
Hey, there's an article here talking about how couples should, y'know, spice things up in the bedroom by exploring their fantasies together. A bit of sexy role-playing.
TED
Oh. Really? Is, um, that something you'd wanna...?
LUCY
I dunno. It could be fun? I mean, I know it's a bit of a cliche, but I've always had this fantasy about firemen, y'know? Being rescued and carried off in their big, strong arms. That's...kinda hot.
Ted nods in understanding, with a suggestive smile of his own.
TED
Ok. I see. Tell you what, give me a sec.
He gets out of bed and rushes out of the room. Lucy giggles excitedly.
INT. BEDROOM - LATER
Lucy is still lying in bed. She checks her watch impatiently. Then, a hammer smashes through the window, sending glass everywhere.
LUCY
Jesus! What the hell?!
Ted clambers in from a ladder outside, in a full firefighter outfit.
TED
Ok, miss, stay calm, this is the situation. The ground floor is ablaze. Completely inaccessible. I'm afraid the dog's done for. But don't worry, I'm going to get you out of here.
Before Lucy can protest, Ted awkwardly lifts her over his shoulder in a fireman's lift and makes for the ladder.
LUCY
Ok, no, Ted, stop! Put me down!
A confused Ted puts her down.
LUCY (Cont'd)
What the hell are you doing? Look what you did to the window!
TED
I'm rescuing you. And what else do firemen rescue people from other than fires? I'm in character, I'm role-playing. This is what you wanted.
LUCY
Ok, no, I--I didn't want this. Any of this.
TED
Well, what's my motivation supposed to be, then?
LUCY
Your motivation is to have sex with me!
TED
(pause, then confused)
Why would we have sex in a burning building--?
LUCY
Oh my god.
TED
--I mean, that's incredibly unsafe. This whole place is a tinderbox.
LUCY
Ugh! Fine. You know what? There's no fire. You're, I dunno, rescuing my cat. From up a tree. That's another thing firemen do, right?
(then, more suggestively)
So, you heroically rescue my cat, you bring it safely down to me, and then maybe I invite you inside to properly...thank you.
TED
Ah, ok, ok, I see what you mean. Tell you what, give me a sec.
Ted turns and awkwardly clambers back out the window onto the ladder, knocking more shards of glass onto the floor as he does so. Lucy sighs.
INT. HALLWAY - LATER
The doorbell rings. Lucy rushes up and answers it. Her face drops when she sees Ted, still in his firefighter outfit, holding a GINGER CAT and talking to Lucy like she's a child.
TED
Excuse me, miss, is this your cat?
LUCY
Wh--? What the--?
TED
Well don't worry. She was up that tree over there. But here she is, safe and sound. And rescued.
Ted hands the cat over to a perplexed Lucy. The cat hisses angrily.
LUCY
But, I--?
TED
One thing: We did check, and your kitty here isn't microchipped. And although that's not illegal now, new legislation means that it will be mandatory by next June, so I'm gonna need to talk to your parents. Are they in?
LUCY
My--My parents? Why would--?
TED
(breaking character)
Well, I assumed you'd be a little girl in this scene. I mean, what sort of fully grown adult woman can't get her cat down from a tree?
LUCY
Why the hell are you imagining I'm a little girl?!
TED
I don't know, it's your fantasy.
LUCY
Well, no, stop! Immediately! Whose bloody cat is this, anyway?
TED
Oh, I found it wandering down the street. It's probably feral.
The cat hisses angrily again and Lucy drops it in fright.
LUCY
Jesus Christ--! Ok, you know what, let's just...park all this for now. Cos I feel like you're not getting it.
TED
I'm not sure I am getting it, no.
LUCY
Let's try flipping it around, ok? What about you? What are your fantasies?
Ted mulls this over for a moment.
TED
Well, you've put me on the spot. But I guess I've always liked the idea of the whole...maid thing?
LUCY
Ah, ok, I see. Like a sexy French maid kinda deal, hmm?
TED
(shrugging)
I suppose...
LUCY
Ok. Perfect. Give me a sec.
INT. KITCHEN - LATER
Lucy stands in the kitchen in a French maid outfit, complete with a feather duster. Ted enters, still in his firefighter outfit.
TED
Hey, what's going on? Why is the kitchen still such a mess?
LUCY
(playing along)
Oh, um...I'm sorry, sir. I didn't have time to finish cleaning. I've been very naughty, haven't I? I suppose you'll have to...punish me?
TED
I dunno. You're new, I suppose. So I guess I'll let you off this time. Just make sure you finish cleaning here and in the living room, and then I want you to get started on the laundry, ok?
He exits. Lucy precariously follows in her comically tall heels.
INT. HALLWAY - CONTINUOUS
Ted walks towards the front door. Lucy calls after him.
LUCY
Ted, wait. When you said you had a maid fantasy, did you...literally just mean you've fantasised about employing someone to clean the house?
TED
Well, it's just so convenient. Plus, I've got a lot less time to deal with household stuff with all these extra shifts down at the station.
LUCY
Down at the--?
From outside, a fire engine siren approaches. Ted grabs his helmet from the coat rack next to the front door.
TED
Ugh. Speaking of which, duty calls.
EXT. STREET - CONTINUOUS
Ted races out the door onto the street as a fire engine pulls up with sirens blaring. Behind him, Lucy steps out and looks shocked.
LUCY
You actually joined the fire service?! When did you even have time to--?
TED
I needed to get into character!
He climbs into the fire engine cab, as Lucy throws her arms up in defeat and shouts after him over the siren.
LUCY
Ted! I'm breaking up with you!
INT. FIRE ENGINE - MOMENTS LATER
The fire engine races down the street. Ted turns to the other FIREMEN.
TED
Hey, um, I should let you know. I'm not really trained for this.
(re: firefighter outfit)
This was all for, like, a sexy fantasy role-play thing I was doing with my girlfriend.
FIREMAN 1
Right. Um, me too, actually.
FIREMAN 2
Yeah, me too. My wife had the idea after she read this Cosmo article, and I just wanted to make it really authentic.
They all look uncertainly at each other, then turn to the back of the cab, where a HUNKY FIREMAN sits with his shirt off.
HUNKY FIREMAN
Oh, I wasn't doing that. But I was doing this photoshoot for a sexy fantasy role-play calendar for Cosmo's New Year's issue, and I just really wanted to explore my character's motivation, you know?
The fire engine pulls up in front of a huge house fire, blazing away. A pause.
TED
...Well. I guess we didn't ask for any of this, gentlemen. But fate brought us here, and it looks like those people in there need some heroes. Let's roll.
They pile out of the fire engine...
INT. UNCLEAR LOCATION - DAY
CLOSE ON: TV SCREEN. A sombre NEWSREADER reads out the headlines.
NEWSREADER
Four dead today in a tragic incident that has once again laid bare the dangers of sexy fantasy role-playing. We have contacted a spokesperson from Cosmopolitan magazine for comment, but--
The TV turns off mid-sentence.
LUCY (O.S)
(sighing)
Idiots.
REVEAL: The interior of a country house sitting room. Lucy, still in her French maid's outfit, sets down the TV remote, then picks up her feather duster and awkwardly toddles around the room in her high heels, dusting the fixtures and fittings as she goes.
THE END
A van full of riot police drives under a sign that reads:
FARMER BOBS
CHRISTMAS FANTASY FESTIVAL
As the police get out the van they are faced with a very large and very angry mob.
In the middle of the mob standing on the roof of a Landrover is Farmer Bob and a very poorly dressed Santa.
The police inspector takes charge.
INSPECTOR
Ok let's all calm down, shall we?
MAN 1
Never mind calm down were sick of this bastard ripping us off!
WOMAN 1
The reindeer are just three cows with the handlebars off old bikes glued to their heads!
MAN 2
The Father Christmas was sat in a Portaloo that was jazzed up with tinsel!
MAN 5
And he exposed himself to my kid!
SANTA
I told you three times I had my trousers round my ankle because I was using the toilet. I was on an official break the Elf shouldn't have let you in!
MAN 3
The Elf was to busy charging me £100 to tow my car out the mud in his tractor I wouldn't mind it was that little bastard who charged me 25 quid to park there in the first place!
WOMAN 2
He robs us all the time.
MAN 4
I paid 20 quid to pick a pumpkin with my family last Halloween when we did eventually find one it had an £2 Aldi price tag on it!
MAN 6
You could see the bloody tyre marks where he's been driving round the field throwing Aldi pumpkins out the back of his tractor. He doesn't even grow stuff he's too busy using the field to con us!
BOB
You lot make me laugh you really do, I break my back organising these community events I really do all so that you can come here in safety in your Barbour coats and 200 quid wellies taking snaps you can treasure forever and then you moan about the cost. I was selling memories not pumpkins, you put a price on family fun days I dare you!
MAN 2
What about the Bonfire Spectacular three weeks ago? Another 40 quid down the drain all it had was six old mattresses as the bonfire and about ten quids worth of rockets
BOB
I told you I bought ten grands worth of fireworks and a cow pissed on the box they were in and they were ruined.
MAN 4
That cow excuse sounded more like a load of bull
BOB
As I said over the tannoy it wasn't my fault and again as it said on the disclaimer on the back of the of tickets this is a working farm you have to take that risk!
MAN 1
So Inspector what are you going to do about this robbing bastard
MOB
Lock him up lock him up
BOB holds up his hands and pleads to the mob.
BOB
Alright Alright, I wasn't going to announce this till Boxing Day but this will send you home happy I promise!
BOB then offers his hand to the Inspector and urges her to climb up. She does so and stands in between Bob & Santa.
BOB addresses the crowd who fall silent.
BOB
Ok now before I go any further, I'm going to ask this Police Inspector if she is wearing a body Camera with audio?
The INSPECTOR sheepishly nods
BOB
Ok now on camera and tape with the police standing right here I can say with my hand on my heart that this New Years Eve I will be hosting a concert that will blow your minds, And as a way of apology to you all and at a loss to myself. You can all have your tickets for half price. But you have to buy them now while you're here, so I know it's true. No buying them on- line with that excuse next week when they go on general sale! I'll want full whack then!
MAN 2
General sale who are you putting on the Rolling Stones?
BOB
In my opinion this guy is a big as the Stones, not in height I'll give you that. But I'll think you'll agree with me that Elton John is a true headliner!
The MOB are incredulous.
MAN 1
Are you saying you've booked Elton John
BOB
Its only a half hour show that's all I could afford but it's signed sealed and delivered and on police camera. You have my word that on New Years Eve Elton John will be playing his piano in my field. And you lot can have half- price tickets!
The MOB switched to being curious.
MAN 1
How much are the tickets?
BOB
They should be £200 but you can have them for a £100
MAN 3
A 100 quid for half an hour
BOB
I'd pay that just to see him sing Rocket Man let alone all the other hits he could squeeze in!
MAN 2
Do you think he'll do Yellow Brick Road I know it's a long one but....
WOMAN 1
interjects
I bet he does I'm still standing he always does
MAN 5
I hope he does Candle in the Wind
WOMAN 3
So do I, but the Diana Version
MAN 5
Angry
F**k that I want the Marilyn one she slept with JFK and Frank Sinatra not some big earred..,
MAN 2
Interjects
If you can get him to do Benny and the f**king Jets I'm in!
BOB holds his hands up once more.
BOB
People please I can't tell what he'll sing but given the amount of hits he has under his belt I'm sure we will all leave humming one of them or another.
MAN 3
Its this one genuine Bob, we couldn't handle another ...
BOB
As I said I'm talking on police camera. So there is no doubts about this one at all I'm just gutted that I've had to let some go at half price. These will be making a grand each once the touts get them!
MOB Mutters
The Touts
I forgot about them
They'll make a fortune
Not if we beat them to it!
MAN 2
Excuse me Bob how many can you buy per person?
BOB
Erm 20 no erm 10 each no more than that
MAN 2
So if it's a maximum of ten per person is there an age limit
BOB
Erm No
MAN 3
So, technically our kids can all get ten each as well?
Before Bob can answer the light from the flap of a caravan marked Ticket Office is opened and three Elves are inside holding card readers .
The mob rush to buy their tickets. And the sold out sign goes up after ten minutes!
Farmer Bob smiles as he addresses the Inspector,
BOB
There you go Inspector as usual there is no one around to complain!
INSPECTOR
One of these days I'll have enough on you lot to throw the book at...
SANTA
Interjects
Well you don't now do you so if you don't mind I'm late as it is.
SANTA attempts to climb down off the Landrover as he does so the Inspector stops him
INSPECTOR
Do you mind if I get your details sir just in case that toilet incident comes back at us,
SANTA
Can't it wait I'm already running late as it is
INSPECTOR
It will only take a few minutes
SANTA
I haven't got a few minutes I'm only on my third lesson and I've been late twice already.
INSPECTOR
Well if you're learning to drive the best tip I can give you is to learn patience as it will stand you in good stead ?
SANTA
I can already drive ! If you must know I'm learning to play the piano
INSPECTOR
Let me guess your names Elton John
BOB
We changed it by Deed poll last week it's all kosha
INSPECTOR
That's it you're both nicked
SANTA
For f**ks sake at this rate I'll won't even get past Chopsticks never mind learn how play Crocodile f**king Rock!
THE WAR OF THE WORLDS
by H G Smells
Part One. The Martians Arrive:
The Martians arrived.
Part Two. The Martians Attack:
The Martians attacked.
Part Three. The Earth Resists:
The Earth resisted.
Part Four. The Martians Attack Again:
Then the Martians attacked again.
Part Five. The Earth Resists Again:
But the Earth resisted again.
Part Six. The Martians Die:
Then the Martians died.
Part Seven. The End:
The end.
INT. RURAL PUB. NIGHT.
LARRY (60's) SITS AT THE BAR STARING SOLEMNLY AT THE COUNTER.
BARMAN:
Penny for them.
LARRY:
For the drink? Well that's the first bit of good news I've had in some time. I accept.
BARMAN:
For your thoughts. Penny for your thoughts.
LARRY:
Do you give me the penny or do I give it to you?
BARMAN (weary):
I don't know, it's just an expression....what'll it be?
LARRY:
A penny I suppose.
BARMAN:
To drink?
LARRY:
A very large Jameson in a very small glass.
BARMAN:
There you go.
LARRY TAKES A SIP.
LARRY:
I've been a tv weatherman for the last forty three years. Man and boy, weather is all I know. But the minute you turn 65 - out the door, on the scrapheap.
BARMAN:
Didn't you have any family to support you?
LARRY:
I never married. Weather is my life. I dedicated my whole world to it. Noticing the slightest drop in a barometer. I could tell the rainfall amounts simply by listening to a rain gauge.
BARMAN:
So how did you end up in this tiny village?
LARRY:
I grew disillusioned and I decided to move away from the city in hopes of reillusioning myself. Retire to a remote place where I could live in peace and still pursue meteorology as a hobby.
BARMAN:
So how are you finding it so far?
LARRY:
Good. Settling in nicely.
BARMAN:
Really?
LARRY:
No, not really. It's been an unmitigated disaster. There was a mix up with the moving in date, when I finally got the keys they were the wrong ones. Then when I got the replacements they fell out of my pocket down the mountain. I proceeded to fall down after them. The heating didn't work and I'd no hot water. I've even started smoking again due to the stress...and for warmth.
BARMAN PLOPS AN ICE CUBE INTO A FRESHLY POURED GLASS OF WHISKEY.
BARMAN:
This one's on me.
LARRY:
Much appreciated.
LONG BEAT.
BARMAN:
Ah....can you pay me?
LARRY:
You just said it was on the house.
BARMAN:
Yeah, the ice cube, not the whiskey...jeez!
LARRY:
Of course. As if I'd get something free.
BARMAN:
You may be in luck actually. See that table by the fire with the people sitting at it that all wear glasses that make their eyes look much bigger than they actually are?
LARRY:
Couldn't miss them.
BARMAN:
Well, they're part of a weather society. They meet here every week to discuss weather trends, predictions, shipping forecasts, all that shi....ps.
LARRY:
Maybe my luck is about to turn after all.
LARRY APPROACHES THE TABLE:
TOM (enthusiastically):
....And his head got trapped in a monsoon.
THE WHOLE TABLE ERUPTS IN LAUGHTER.
LARRY:
Sorry to interrupt mid-laugh. My name is Larry. I've just moved here and have a keen interest in weather. Could I possibly join you?
TOM:
I think that should be ok, yes folks?
JIM:
I did still have about seven laughs left.
ANNE:
Sure, why not. I'm sure we'll laugh again.
LARRY:
Great. So I was just wondering as it's getting quite wintery, how do you handle the cold that will inevitably come our way. What are the winters like here?
TOM:
We get a lot of cold usually. Cold snaps, cold days, cold nights, falls of cold, cold weather, cold-
LARRY:
Wait a second. 'Falls of cold'?
TOM:
Oh yes, some quite heavy at times especially in the more mountainous areas of the mountain. Of course the kids love making cold men and throwing cold balls.
LARRY:
Right I'm really not following. Can I ask you how you monitor the temperature here? With my background in meteorology I have several tools and scales at my disposal.The most common is by placing thermometers in a Stevenson screen. What do you use?
TOM:
Oh we wouldn't have anything that fancy, we, we just listen for heat.
LARRY:
Listen for heat? How do you do that?
ANNE:
Well, this time of year you'd be listening for nothing. If you can hear the nothing, you know it's cold. Cold doesn't have a sound but warmth has a sort of a clickity clackity click to it. Quite horse-like in the trotting on a wooden plank sense; soundwise.
LARRY
Do you not use Celsius or Fahrenheit?
JIM:
Sell...what?
TOM:
I don't know what you mean by far height but you can't go much further up than us here on the mountain. This is nearly as far height as it goes.
THE TABLE ERUPTS WITH LAUGHTER AGAIN. LARRY LOOKS AROUND CONFUSED. HE ATTEMPTS TO INTERRUPT THE LAUGH.
LARRY:
So...so....SOOO YOU DON'T USE CELSIUS EITHER?
TOM:
Celsius!?! The horse is the main unit of measurement here. We have an old saying: 'The cold is so deep it would be up quite far on a horse', or 'It's the big horse that sees the small horse and the small that sees the big but it's a bit harder for them both to see each other when it's cold'.
ANNE:
Another is: 'If you ride a horse out of the cold, you'll ride him right out of it'. 'The larger the cold the colder the cold, to a horse', also rings true this time of year.
TOM, JIM AND ANNE (singing): 'When you hear the clip clops stopping, the temperature is dropping.
Hop on a horse in a way known as alight, In the day of the day or the day of the night.
When you can measure in horses, you measure it right.
In the cold day of day or the day of the night'.
LARRY:
Let me get this straight; you think snow is called cold and you measure temperature in horses.....I'm going for a fag.
LARRY STANDS OUTSIDE ATTEMPTING TO MAKE SENSE OF IT ALL WHILST SMOKING A CIGARETTE. TWO KIDS APPROACH.
LARRY:
I'm bound get more sense out of these kids....So, young lad, what are you getting for Christmas?
BOY:
I'm getting a duck reddener and a milk magnifier.
LARRY:
A milk magnifier?
BOY:
Yeah I love making milk look bigger than it is.
LARRY:
Jesus mother of the holy divine...how about you little girl, what are you getting...anything normal?
GIRL:
A bubbleduster and a-
LARRY (incredulous):
A what!?
GIRL:
A bubbleduster. It's a duster that's so light it will allow you to dust bubbles and a warptaggling semaphore enrichment band.
LARRY:
What kind of twisted fantasyland have I ended up in?
TOM POKES HIS HEAD OUT THE WINDOW DIRECTLY ABOVE LARRY.
TOM:
Oh look, it's colding.
EVERYONE RUSHES TO THE WINDOW AND GAZES IN AWE. LARRY LOOKS IN THE SAME DIRECTION BUT SEES NOTHING. KIDS START RUNNING AND LAUGHING AND THROWING NOTHING AT EACH OTHER.
LARRY:
What the hell is wrong with you people? There is nothing happening! It's just a bit cold. Are you all mental? I'll show you.
LARRY RUNS OVER TO THE KIDS REMONSTRATING ANGRILY WITH THEM.
THEY ALL THROW NOTHING AT HIM BUT WE HEAR FX OF LOTS OF SNOWBALLS SMASHING HIM IN THE HEAD AND FACE.
HE IN NOW LYING FLAT ON HIS BACK GASPING.
A HORSE SLOWLY WALKS BY.
END.
A great round! My vote goes to Crindy. Paced well and develops well, for such a long one (fnarr fnarr), and funny throughout. With an honourable mention to Otterfox.
Agreed, this was a good week. I understand you welcome outside votes, so my vote goes to Crindy, Teddy and Otterfox. Favourite line was A Plate "I do have a fantasy about Doctor Who. Not any of the male Doctor Whos, obviously. I mean, that would be unspeakable ... "
Yes, like my mother's legs, it's open to everyone.
Epic week. I'd vote for everyone, but... Crindy.
Crindy for me too.
Crindy just pipped Otterfox for me this week but all good efforts,
And it's Crindy for me too. Lovely work.
Yes, excellent week 
It was a close call, but I think Otterfox just gets my vote. Honourable mention to a plate and Teddy Paddalack.