F**king Hell! C**tgtasulazioningd to Gappy for winking. PM me with a subject for next wank please.
Meanwhilst...
Gappy - 3
Me - 2
Next topic: Childhood
Leg closed: 25.8.23
Runners are nowt...
Position Score Name
1 4 Gappy
2 3 Otterfox
3 2 Me
4 1 Firkin, APlate, Me
CHILD'S PLAY
TV STUDIO.
BOASTT and DEANE.
BOASTT Good evening, ladies and gentlemen and you, and welcome to this morning's edition of The Show For South Bankers, a phrase you Cockneys will understand. In tonight's show we'll be analysing the mind, pricking your brains and hanging around in little grey cells with child psychologist Roger A. Deane. Mr Deane, welcome.
DEANE Hiya.
BOASTT Mr Deane, I've just completed your latest tome, Child Psychiatry.
DEANE (enthusiastic) Did you like it? I wrote it all by myself!
BOASTT I'm afraid I found it infantile, immature and superficial.
DEANE I know you are.
BOASTT Would you care to elaborate?
DEANE (thinks) I know you are, but what am I?
BOAST I must say I preferred the earlier essay by your rival, Claude Nobbes, 'Inside The Mind Of the Infant...'
DEANE I liked it first.
BOASTT Yes, but I preferred it.
DEANE I like it more than you. It's my FAVOURITE book!
BOASTT I think you'll find that I...
DEANE Liar, liar, yer pants are on fire!
BOASTT Mr Deane, please!
DEANE All right. We like it both the same.
BOASTT Good. Now Mr Nobbes is highly considered...
DEANE Clever clogs!
BOASTT So how did you find his work?
DEANE Easy peasy, Japanesey.
BOASTT Again, would you care to...?
DEANE (sighs) Easy peasy, Japanesy, lemon squeezy.
BOASTT That's better. Now recently Nobbes criticised your work as inept, incompetent and inconclusive...
DEANE Back at you!
BOASTT Calling you an uninformed dilettante...
DEANE Takes one to know one.
BOASTT So, what are we looking at here?
DEANE Don't know: don't label shit.
BOASTT And what are you doing about this?
DEANE Nothing, Sir.
BOASTT Why not?
DEANE Don't know, Sir. Sorry, Sir.
BOASTT Are you sure?
DEANE Cross my heart and hope to die.
BOASTT Again, would you...?
DEANE (sighs) Cross my heart and hope to die. Stick a football in my eye.
BOASTT And how would you react to Nobbes' allegations?
DEANE That's for me to know and you to find out.
BOASTT Good. Now, how did you choose this profession?
DEANE Eenie, meenie, minee, mo.
BOAST And what if anyone attempts to steal your crown?
DEANE Finders, keepers.
BOASTT Again, would...?
DEANE No.
BOASTT Why not?
DEANE Ask a stupid question...
BOASTT Well Mr Deane, I'll have to end now.
DEANE Miss me, miss me, never never kiss me.
BOASTT And I'll see you next week.
DEANE Not if I see you first.
1:Grr, that man is unbearable!
2: Oh, God, tell me about. It's just relentless.
3: Do this! Do that! Have you ever come across someone so demanding?
1: He's basically a dictator. Seriously, he can't stand it if you don't jump to his every whim, like, immediately.
2:It's not even that. Him expecting every decree to be obeyed, I could live with that. What I can't stand is how he doesn't believe anyone else can run the place.
3:You follow someone else's advice, just once, it's flat-out wrong. I'm done with it.
1: Me too. From now on, I'm not a doing single thing that Simon says.
SPORTS REPORTER:
Welcome, welcome, we are delighted to have with us here and now...any minute, a gem of a player, a delight to your eyes and mine. A wonder on the pitch, a sixteen year old off of it. He's like a superhero with a secret identity. By day he's mild-mannered student, by night he's mild-mannered student playing football.
We're still waiting for him, so with just a bit more ado let me find other ways of bigging up this undoubted star. At just 16 years of age he has broken the first team appearance record for a 16 year old, held previously by the great Ollie Wasp with no appearances.
What more can we say about this young chap? We'll have to say something as he's still not here. Remember folks, we do have exclusive rights to speak with the boy wonder so stay tuned for more after this sentence.....welcome back...
As we look forward, let's do that by looking back. Over his illustrious career we could see the spark of genius from a very young age. Why, at the tender age of 16 he set stadium aglow with his speed and skill. Jinking and feigning and ducking and weaving through the opposition. Little did he think that here we'd be 90 minutes later. It takes exceptional- ah for Jesus sake, where is he?
PLAYER:
I've been waiting for you to shut up. You were facing the wrong way the whole time!
REPORTER:
Ladies and gentlemen - Ogden Moorhen! Back to you in the studio.
End.
Mick this week.
(BTW, I just noticed in the first post that you got 2 votes in the last thing but only added 1 to the 'position score name' bit)
Thank you on both c**ts.
Gappy this wank.
Monkelhausen for me this week.
I also reside in the monk house this week.