F**king Hell! C**tgtasulazioningd to me for winking. I'll PM me with a subject for next wank please. I won't really. It's a joke. Meanwhilst...
Me - 3
Gappy - 1
Next topic: Sex and Violence
Leg closed: 12.5.23
Runners are nowt...
Position Score Name
1 3 Me
1 1 Gappy
Get laid (If you can)
Tune: Get Here, Oleta Adams
You can breed and get railed, hey, toss hot dogs down hallways
You can clap cheeks on an airplane, Netflix and chill, I don't mind
Tap some ass in a caravan, boffed, you deserve it, by an Arab man
I don't care how you get laid, just - get laid if you can
You can tug on a male's scrote, climb a tree and grope, poke and soak
Have a schtupp and slide down a bone, get your kettle mended
Or see a man about a dog, wet your willy, bedroom rodeo
I don't care how you get laid, just - get laid if you can
Take one eye to the optemetrist
Have some fun, get your leg over
Knock boots, have your way, jump bones, amorous congress
Shag, screw, boink, trombone
You can knock turf into my wife, get it up, bam-bam ham and ride
Do squat thrusts, shake sheets and knock boots, but you better get some poon
Get horizontal refreshment, man, send for sushi or in the can
I don't care how you get laid, just - get laid if you can
I don't care how you get laid, just - get laid if - you can
GRAMS: SOMBRE MUSIC
ANNOUNCER:The Nineties: A Warning from History. Episode 3 - Comedy.
DUKE:Me? The 7th Duke of Rape? In this coma ward where it has to be assumed that consent is, by the nature of the condition, impossible? With my previous rape convictions? And my well-known predilection for rape? [PAUSE] Raaaaape!
Reporter:
I'm standing with a pain in my back here between the statue of a bear with goats feelings and the jaw bone of a three-toed horse. And it was here, just fourteen miles there (points) that violence occurred. Sudden, sharp, shady, sensible violence.
So it is here, that I get into my car here to drive to the violence there.
We are now here at the there where violence occurred. It was in this bush where savagery broke out. We heard reports of this late last night but didn't want to get embroiled so we waited 'til morning - ages after it had finished, you know, for the safe keeping, of me.
What's that noise? (Scuffle) there might still be some violence left. Let's have a look.
REPORTER RUSTLES THROUGH TREES.
Reporter:
Ah yes, there's a straggler still being attacked. Let's get a quick word.
Two men wrestling tiredly.
Hello! Which one of you is being subjected to violence?
BILL RAISES HIS HAND.
BILL:
That would be me.
BILL GETS PUNCHED.
REPORTER:
Oof! What was that, a haymaker?
BILL:
Haha, you know your punches.
REPORTER:
And how long are you under attack?
BILL LOOKS AT HIS WATCH.
BILL:
Whew...seven hours?
BILL LOOKS AT HIS ATTACKER FOR CONFIRMATION.
ATTACKER:
Just over the seven hours, yeah.
Reporter:
And whats, what's, why?
BILL:
He can't seem to get the upper hand of me and I can't get to lower hand of him so we're stuck in this sort of time warp of a stalemate where the attacker can't overcome his victim.
Reporter:
Attacker! Pardon me, attacker! May I have a quick word?
Attacker:
Yeah.
Reporter:
Sorry to bother you, you're a busy man.
Attacker:
No, no, it's quite alright. All this attacking can wear you out so it's nice to get a breather.
Reporter:
Have you a plan of action from here or have you exhausted your entire thuggish repertoire?
Attacker:
I think I have him finally worked out. When I feign left and punch with my right, he adapts and hops left but if I trick him into thinking I'm hitting right but actually hit left he'll essentially jump into my punch, rendering him very hurt.
Reporter:
Well it sounds like a hell of a plan. Good luck with the violence.
Attacker:
Thank you.
Reporter:
Hopefully folks, this will put an end to the violence once and for all.
So let's see how this plays out...feigning left, ok, going for the right punch as outlined. Bills going right not left and hits the attacker with an almighty strike. Good lord! It's as if he somehow knew what he was going to do.
Attacker: (in distance) (struggling)
You! T-this is all your fault. I'm meant to be the attacker but look at me now. I-I'm nearly a gonner!
Reporter:
How is this my fault?
Attacker:
You made me tell you what I was going to do. Bill obviously h-heard and adapted.
Come here, come here!!
Reporter:
No, no. It's your attack, I'll let you get on with it.
Well, what a turn up for the books folks. The attacker wasn't even able to overcome his victim. Haha, what an underminement. Violence can come back to bite you when you least expect it. Just when you think you've it all worked out you can be caught with a sucker pun-
Attacker attacks reporter.
(Reporter muffled squeals)
Reporter:
My toenails! My lower nose! Back to you in the studioooowww!!!
END.
My vote for this 'un is Otterfox.
Otterfuchs.
Otter the clear winner this time, one of his best.
Close one to call. It's a toss up if you will. Could have gone either way but as Monkhouse crafted an entire song he pips it.