F**king Hell! C**tgtasulazioningd to Crindy for winking. PM me with a subject for next wank please. Meanwhilst...
Crindy - 3
Gappy, APlate - 1
Next topic: Money
Leg closed: 30.4.23
Runners are nowt...
Position Score Name
1 10 Gappy
2 8 Otterfox, APlate
3 3 Crindy
4 2 Teddy, Me
GIMME RUSSIA
(Tune: 'Money,'a lesser-known band called The Beetles, and sung by Putin)
China, Europe and Stoke are free
I don't want the French, they're silly
Now, give me Ukraine (That's what I want)
That's what I want (That's what I want)
That's what I want, yeah (That's what I want)
That's what I want
George Bush took over from Bill
Now it's Biden, love to see his will
Now, give me Ukraine (That's what I want)
That's what I want (That's what I want)
That's what I want, oh yeah (That's what I want)
That's what I want
Donald Trump got everything, it's true
Left Melania feelin' blue
Now, give me Ukraine (That's what I want)
That's what I want (That's what I want)
That's what I want, yeah (That's what I want)
That's what I want, whoa
Ukraine ain't got anything, it's true
FA it's got, I'm a tool
Now, give me Ukraine (That's what I want)
That's what I want (That's what I want)
That's what I want, yeah (That's what I want)
That's what I want
Well, now, give me Ukraine (That's what I want)
Whole bloody Ukraine (That's what I want)
Wow, yeah, it wants to be free (That's what I want)
Oh, I gotta have Ukraine (That's what I want)
That's what I want, yeah (That's what I want)
That's what I want
Well, now, give me Ukraine (That's what I want)
Allot me Ukraine (That's what I want)
Wow, yeah, you know I need Ukraine (That's what I want)
Oh, now, give me Ukraine (That's what I want)
That's what I want, yeah (That's what I want)
That's what I want
CAMDEN:"For sale: baby shoes, never worn". Oh, that is so sad.
GIRDWOOD:Absolutely heart-breaking. They'll never make their money back.
CAMDEN:What do baby shoes cost new? Tenner?
GIRDWOOD:Maybe fifteen. Assuming they're not, like, baby Jimmy Choo's.
CAMDEN:Woah there! If they were Jimmy Choo's the advert would definitely mention it. These are some bog-arse baby shoes.
GIRDWOOD:And you know what they say: baby shoes depreciate 70% as soon as you drive them away from Jojo Maman Bebe.
CAMDEN:Yeah, but it's not just that. I happen to know that Mr Robinson charges £2.95 a week to put one of these adverts in his window. This guy'll be lucky to break even.
GIRDWOOD:He should have sold the cot. You get good cash for a cot. If my baby died I'd definitely sell the cot.
CAMDEN:That's what's so tragic about it. He did sell the cot. Then he used the cot-money to pay for all these other adverts. Like this one, "for sale: baby hat: never worn".
GIRDWOOD:He could have put that on the shoe card, saved £2.95 right off the bat. Oh, blimey, there are loads of them. "For sale: twelve nappies, still packaged".
CAMDEN:"For sale: bottle, ideal for living baby".
GIRDWOOD:"For sale: t-shirt reading 'Daddy's extant child'".
CAMDEN:"For sale: baby wipes, never used on small cadaver".
GIRDWOOD:"For sale: bib, perfect for non-corpse".
CAMDEN:This is tearing me up inside, we need to have a word with him about his finances. What shall we say?
GIRDWOOD:Car boot profits offset infant loss.
CAMDEN: Ooh, only 6 words. Elegant.
MONEY FOR NOTHING AND YOUR CHIPS FOR FREE
Setting: in a pub. BILL has just sat down with his friend PAUL, putting two pints on the table
BILL: All right Paul, here's your Guinness.
PAUL: (grinning) Ness - ah - guin... Ness - ah - guin...
BILL: Yeah, drink it up, Paul, before it goes cold.
PAUL: Cheers, Bill. I bet it was expensive. Everything costs so much these days. I went to the seaside a couple of weeks ago, and went to the chippy, and asked for cod and chips twice.
BILL: Why did you say it twice?
PAUL: No, y'know, two portions. And they said it'd be thirty quid! So I just walked out, shaking my head the whole time.
BILL: Well, that showed them.
PAUL: Yeah, it served them right, I thought. So, anyway, thanks for the pint.
BILL: No probs. I've got myself a Stella. Dunno how you can drink Guinness. Ugh!
PAUL: (grinning) Take a deep breath and say "ness"!
BILL: Oh, never mind all that again. Anyway, guess how much it cost for these two pints just now? It was a hundred quid!
PAUL: Should I still guess, or..?
BILL: No, it really was a hundred pounds. I couldn't believe it!
PAUL: Unbelievable. That's well cheap for a London pub...
A couple of dark takes on 'Money' from Michael and gappy! My vote is Michael's strange satire.
Yes, Gappy.
Michael for me too. A Plate's was written with the usual panache, but I confess I didn't understand a lot of it (doubtless my fault).
Quote: gappy @ 1st May 2023, 10:59 AMMichael for me too. A Plate's was written with the usual panache, but I confess I didn't understand a lot of it (doubtless my fault).
If it was the "ness-a-guin" and "ness" stuff, that was just the character quoting from a TV advert for Guinness in the early 1980s! (I only barely remember it, I was in primary school and the ad's not on youtube unfortunately)
I'll go Michael because he went to Oxbridge and he likes the Young ones, so he must be funny. Plus some of his one-liners were funny and he mentioned the Ukraine. Also I'm prepared to overlook the Sporty Spice obsession (consider Scary Spice, she's earn't more money or Baby spice she seems really nice. Or even Ginger or Posh Spice, they both seem misunderstood. Basically no other Spice Girl considers a shell suit fashionable. That matters !)
Thank you. That's what I really really wanted.
Quote: a plate @ 1st May 2023, 9:05 PMIf it was the "ness-a-guin" and "ness" stuff, that was just the character quoting from a TV advert for Guinness in the early 1980s! (I only barely remember it, I was in primary school and the ad's not on youtube unfortunately)
Thanks, I don't recall that one.