F**king Hell! C**tgtasulazioningd to Gappy for winking. PM me with a subject for next wank please. Meanwhilst...
Gappy - 3
Otterfox - 1
Next topic: Do it again (chosen by Gappy)
Leg closed: 7.4.23
Runners are nowt...
Position Score Name
1 9 Gappy
2 6 Otterfox
3 5 APlate
4 2 Teddy, Me
HOFBRAU:You know what, they'd never make The Office today.
PAULANER: Oh, God, no. As if they'd make The Office today.
HOFBRAU:Can you imagine it, though. Going to the BBC, and describing the show, all the characters, all the non-PC jokes, what in hell's name would they say?
PAULANER:They'd say, that sounds an awful lot like The Office.
HOFBRAU:But if you asked whether they'd make it.
PAULANER:They'd say, we already did.
HOFBRAU:Yeah, they'd say, we already did.
PAULANER:And they'd say, then later, somebody else also did.
HOFBRAU:They'd probably say that too.
PAULANER:But what they forget, is that the Office was award-winning and boundary-pushing.
HOFBRAU:But nowadays nobody wants to make boundary-pushing shows. Twice.
PAULANER:Three times.
HOFBRAU:Three times, I meant. What's wrong with pushing boundaries all of a sudden?
PAULANER:Even if they've already been pushed.
HOFBRAU:I mean, you can push a boundary from both sides.
PAULANER:Great point. Stupid BBC.
HOFBRAU:Yeah, idiots. So...do you want to, maybe, try to make The Office ourselves and put it on YouTube?
PAULANER:No time, really. I've got to work on my novel.
HOFBRAU:How's that going?
PAULANER:Not bad. Err, how do you spell Boromir?
OFF 'IS ROCKER
Nervous BLOKE watching telly as WIFE strides in:
WIFE Hello darling, nice day at the office?
BLOKE For goodness' sake love, you know I can't stand work - I loathe every minute of it! The office is odious, the work is wicked, the workers are... Bonkers! The minute I get there all I do is count the seconds till it's all over so I can come home and relax in front of the telly instead!
WIFE Sorry. What're you watching?
BLOKE 'The Office'.
Speaker:
All of us know or at least realise or some of us know and none of us realise or indeed none of us know or realise how some people are unable to hear the cold.
The cold of heart, the cold of spirit, the cold of air, the cold. Some people embody this coldness and if you listen carefully (whispers) you may hear it....in this very building...
I don't like mentioning names but I'm referring to Georgie Spick. Stand up George.
The name Georgie Spick may bring back memories to many of us especially those of us. (Points in various directions)
So torrid was his ice coldness that he tried to move away from himself. He had an awful affect on everyone he came in contact with and showed absolutely no remorse until he did.
He decided to move away from everyone, even himself. To say he moved to Bahrain is putting it mildly.
The ice running through those veins oh it makes me want to light a candle, use that to light another candle, then use that second candle to light a stick and then some sticks and throw the candles in on top. Perfectly good candles up in flames. Georgie makes you want to do stupid things like that.
I think I speak for us all and I think it's only fair that we wish Georgie great misery....amen. Now we'll all stand for the Lord's Prayer.
Georgie:
Hold on a second! Say that about me again and see what happens.
Speaker:
What? That we wish you misery?
Georgie:
No, the whole thing. Your whole speech.
Speaker:
If I say the whole speech again and then see what happens to me? That's the threat? What balderdash!
Georgie:
No, no you've been brave enough to stand up here and ridicule me from a height so go on, do it all again and we'll see how it plays out. Or are you just a single speaker of sentences, ne'er to be repeated. Words flitting away on a winters breeze whilst listening for cold.
Speaker:
This is the enragery I speak of. How dare you accuse me of flitting my own words in my own church and to do it during an admonishment!!....Fine! To prove you wrong...
(Very Angrily)
All of us know or at least realise or some of us know and none of us realise or indeed none of us know...
End.
GARY AND SARAH ARE PARENTS, WITH THEIR BABY SON CALLED TIMMY
SARAH: (in babyish voice) Does little Timmy want his din-dins? Does he? Does he?
TIMMY THE BABY DOESN'T REACT
SARAH: He's not interested, Gary. Why don't you try entertaining him?
GARY: Wibble! Wibble!
TIMMY THE BABY: (laughs) 'Gain! 'Gain!
SARAH: Wow! He's saying 'again'! He wants you to do it again! It's Timmy's first word! Quick, do that 'wibble' business again, Gary!
GARY: Wibble! Wibble!
TIMMY THE BABY: (laughs) 'Gain! 'Gain!
GARY: Wibble! Wibble!
TIMMY THE BABY: (laughs hysterically) 'Gain! 'GAIN!
GARY: Wibble! Wibble!
TIMMY THE BABY STOPS LAUGHING AND FROWNS
GARY: Wibble! Wi... bble?
TIMMY THE BABY (in a deep, gravelly voice): Nah. That's enough of that, dad. I'm fed up with that SHIT.
GARY AND SARAH ARE SPEECHLESS WITH SHOCK
TIMMY THE BABY: (threateningly) Listen. You want to keep me on-side, then you've gotta come up with another routine. Something more sophisticated than that 'wibble' shit.
GARY: What... what should I do?
TIMMY THE BABY: That's up to you. I'm giving you 24 hours to come up with something better to keep me entertained. If you can't... then... Hey, never mind. We'll cross that bridge when we come to it, yeah?
GARY AND SARAH LOOK TERRIFIED
TIMMY THE BABY SLOWLY LEAVES THE ROOM IN HIS BABY WALKER, IN A MENACING AND DRAMATIC WAY (WELL, AS MENACING AND DRAMATIC AS YOU CAN BE IN A BABY WALKER)
Fun to see all the different takes on this round's slightly peculiar topic! My vote goes to Otterfox, for making it even more f**ken peculiar.
Another Otterfox.
A Plate for me.
I had to read them a couple of times to pick my winner as I honestly really liked them all. Great punchline from the Monkhouse, liked Gappys making the office again again but the A plates sinister baby pips them.