This is a complete re write of a half hour sitcom called Buck Hall, so its a longer read if anyone is up for it?
INT CAR DAY
Viewed through the windscreen a car is being driven down a country lane and it passes a sign:
VANA
1 MILE
CAMPING
1/2 MILE
The car continues and turns into a driveway.
There is a dilapidated sign:
BUCK HALL
INT: CAR - DUSK
Billy and Kate, a middle-aged working-class couple briefly stop to look at the sign. As they do so a man in green body warmer is just standing there looking at them pass.
The couple drive in and stop outside a ramshackle looking caravan with the word OFFICE on the door. Billy glances in dismay at Kate.
BILLY
Well, we now officially have.
Buck Hall!
EXT: OFFICE CARAVAN - DUSK.
Billy gets suitcases out of the boot and as he walks to the caravan, he looks down at two orange pipes.
INT: OFFICE CARAVAN - DUSK.
Kate in inside looking at the sink in disgust. She opens a cupboard and takes out a disposable BBQ in a foil tray. She is near to tears.
Billy enters with the suitcases and looks around. He is also clearly devastated by the state of the caravan. He speaks to Kate who has her back to him.
BILLY
There's no gas! The pipes are there,
but there's no bottle.
Kate composes herself and turns holding out the disposable BBQ. Her tone is upbeat.
KATE
Then we'll have to have a BBQ under
the stars, then, won't we?
EXT: OFFICE CARAVAN-EVENING.
Billy & Kate are sat in plastic garden chairs at a plastic table eating burgers. Kate is positive Billy is negative.
KATE
That shop we passed, with the buckets
and spades outside they might sell it?
BILLY
Get lost, those robbing swine's wanted
4 quid for an ice cream with no flake.
God knows what they want for Calor
gas? I'll find a builder's merchants.
KATE
We'll need a few if we want to get some
Of these vans up and running
BILLY
Who are we kidding girl? We haven't got
the dough to make half of them bearable
never mind habitable. And even if we did
have, we could still get the lot taken off
us!
KATE
Don't start that again Billy the judge said it's 'Yours'!
BILLY
For how long? Everyone knows Uncle Eddy
didn't like me
KATE
He didn't even like himself
BILLY
After I ran the cat over it got worse.
They'd just sit there stirring at me
KATE
At least you went round! The twins
never went near him until he was on
his last legs!
BILLY
They could still appeal
KATE
You heard the judge; there was no will.
His last words witnessed by a doctor
And two nurses. were "Make sure our Billy
gets Buck Hall"
BILLY
But as the twins said, he never had
His teeth in!
KATE
It doesn't matter what they say this is
yours.... ours So ok it's a dump and we
may well be skint but for once we own
something that we can make a go of! It's
not like we're not use to hard work, is it?
Only now we're doing it for us!
Billy bucks up slightly and Kate builds on it.
BILLY
According to the tags on that lump of keys
we found, there's a tool shed somewhere
KATE
See its starting to come together already.
Mark my words we'll soon have this place ship shape and full of happy little kids having cheap little holidays, they never thought they'd get!
Kate hugs Billy. Billy then stretches as he speaks.
BILLY
Well, it's obviously going to be a big day
tomorrow so an early night won't do us any
harm
Kate cuddles Billy.
KATE
Not too early, I hope.
INT: OFFICE CARAVAN -MORNING.
Billy & Kate are asleep in bed; they are woken by loud banging on the caravan door. They both get up and go to the door in their night wear.
EXT: OFFICE CARAVAN-MORNING.
KEVIN late teens student dress with a backpack is knocking at the door. He is accompanied by DETROIT late teens she also has a backpack and a funky afro and is beyond cool.
INT: OFFICE CARAVAN -AM.
Billy opens the door Kevin and Detroit enter Kate and Billy are delighted to see them, hugs all round. Kevin puts his backpack down and looks around the caravan.
KEVIN
Well, I can see why Uncle Eddy
called it Buck Hall!
Kate standing behind Billy opens her eyes wide at him. Detroit gets on it instantly and nudges Kevin.
KEVIN
cont
Yeah, but you can also see the
potential
DETROIT
By the time we all get stuck in
you won't recognise this place
There is a knock on the door, the characters look at each other as if to say who 'Who could that be? Billy then opens the door.
EXT OFFICE CARAVAN DOORWAY-MORNING.
DICK Weaver mid 50's wearing a body warmer that has several badges. He is standing at the door holding an envelope, his tone is pompous and abrupt.
DICK
I'm Richard Weaver chairman of the
private resident's association.
I take it that you're William Smart?
Billy takes the envelope and can instantly see Dick for exactly what he is.
BILLY
Call me Billy everyone else does
And I'll call you Dick so it's all friendly
Dick refuses Billy's hand. Billy waves the envelope.
BILLY
cont
What is it?
DICK
That is a hand issued copy of a letter which
I have also posted to both your late uncle's
solicitor and to the local council
BILLY
What happened did you run out of stamps
.
DICK
You'll find an inventory
of all site facilities currently
deemed to be in in disrepair!
BILLY
So, it's a 'To Do' list?
DICK
smirks
It's more of a 'Must be done list'
BILLY
Says who
DICK
Ken Cornwall
BILLY
Who the hell is Ken Cornwall?
DICK
The current deputy and soon to be
head of the council. He has personally
visited the site twice to look into our
claims and is 100% behind us!
Kate comes to the door.
KATE
Who is it, Billy?
BILLY
Dick Waver
DICK
It's Weaver! W - E -A- V- E- R!
BILLY
Calm down Dick we're not on Sesame
Street
DICK
Considered it served. Should you fail
to rectify the repairs within one calendar
month. We have the right to cite you as a
rogue landlord!
Dick walks away, Billy shouts after him waving the envelope.
BILLY
Thanks, Dick We'll get back to you!
INT: OFFICE CARAVAN-DAY.
Billy opens the envelope and starts to read.
KATE
You shouldn't have got his back up
BILLY
His backs never been down. You know
the type they're everywhere
Billy holds out three separate sheets of paper as if to show how bad it is. He then starts to read sections of the demands.
BILLY
Adequate lighting on all paths and public
access routes to be engaged from dusk till
dawn
Kevin discreetly speaks to Kate.
KEVIN
This is all he needs.
Kate smiles and discreetly replies, as Billy continues into what is rapidly becoming a rant.
KATE
This could be exactly what he needs
BILLY
Repair or replace camp showers and
Washing facilities and ensure 24-hour
access!
KATE
24- hour access, who the hell gets a
Shower at three o'clock in the morning
KEVIN
Serial killers?
Kate is purposely galvanising Billy.
KATE
Well, it looks they've snookered us
Billy is transformed and has a newly found determination.
BILLY
Do you seriously think I'm going to let some
'Busy Shit' in a body warmer, scam me out of
my inheritance! I'll show him his arse
big time
KEVIN
I'm in
DETROIT
So am I
KEVIN
So what do we do dad
Billy stands up and gathers himself; he then takes a large bunch of keys off the window ledge and indicates for Kevin to follow him. Kate is delighted to see that Billy has found his fight.
BILLY
We lad, play them at their own game.
So, let's start with the showers and see
what we're up against!
Billy & Kevin exit.
EXT: SITE - DAY.
Billy and Kevin are pushing a wheelbarrow full of tools. They are being watched silently but openly by Dick Weaver.
INT: OFFICE CARAVAN - DAY.
Detroit is cleaning the walls and ceilings. Kate is scrubbing the kitchen.
EXT: SITE- DAY.
Billy and Kevin walk past a van and notice that the door is suspiciously ajar, so they investigate.
INT: OFFICE CARAVAN - DAY.
As Billy and Kevin enter, they have to adjust their sight as the curtains are drawn and its dark. They then stop dead as they hear a loud fart and a sleepers snort.
SFX
FART, SLEEPING SNORT.
Billy and Kevin hold their noses and look around and see a man asleep on the window seat, with a long coat over him as a blanket.
Billy gives him a shake and the man wakes up.
BILLY
Hello mate can I help you? This is one of my
Caravans
Toffee a total hippy in his 60's he has a Scouse accent.
TOFEE
Sorry brother I thought it was Eddy Smarts gaff
BILLY
sheepish
It is... I mean it was... I'm his nephew Billy... he died and left me it... I'm sorry did you know him well?
TOFFEE
I'm Toffee! He must have mentioned me?
BILLY
Not that I know of
TOFFEE
That's weird? We spent the best part of the
70's and 80's travelling the length and breadth
Of India, Tibet, Thailand, and Laos together.
You name it and we went there often on foot
BILLY
We knew he had a bit of a colourful past.
But once he became religious, he never spoke
about it much
TOFFEE
That's the weird bit. We smoked pot and ate mushrooms with every type of Shaman, Guru, Yogi, Monk and Wise man there is, and nothing! The next minute he signs up with the Moonies outside Lime Street station
BILLY
So how come you're kipping here
TOFFEE
I came back a few months ago. I was sofa surfing
and reminiscing with my old mates. But it wears thin fast. So, I made my way down here to see Eddy, in case he'd had a relapse on the old religious front
BILLY
Come on then the least we can do is offer you a cup of tea
TOFFEE
Nice swan Eddy, is it? I'm sorry I never got your name?
KEVIN
Kevin
TOFFEE
How do Kev nice to meet you
The three shake hands at Toffees insistence Billy and Kevin look at each other and smile as they lead Toffee out the caravan.
INT: OFFICE CARAVAN - DAY
Kate and Detroit are having a coffee at a table as Billy Kevin and Toffee enter. Billy does the introductions.
BILLY
Kate, Detroit this is Toffee, he was a mate of Uncle Eddys. Can you do him a cuppa
They all nod at each other in a friendly fashion and Kate happily ushers Toffee to a seat at the table facing Detroit.
MARY
You sit there and I'll throw the kettle back on
BILLY
Make us one as well please love we won't be
a minute we'll just put the tools away. It
looks like we might have a spot of rain on
the way
BILLY AND KEVIN EXIT
KATE
Do you want tea or coffee
TOFFEE
Coffee please
KATE
Milk ... sugar?
TOFFEE
Black with six sugars
KATE
smiles
Six! it'd be quicker to microwave you
a can of coke
Toffee smiles back and then looks around with a big smile and chats happily with no reservations. Detroit and Kate really warm to him.
TOFFEE
This vans nice
DETROIT
Its scrubbed up well, you won't recognise
once I get some fabric and design the
curtains cushions and sofas
TOFFEE
Did Billy say your names Detroit?
DETROIT
Yeah
TOFFEE
I love it, what's the story behind that
then? Is it a nick name? Or where you were conceived or something?
DETROIT
No, it's my real name it's just that my
mum and dad are mad on Motown music
TOFFEE
Who isn't
DETROIT
So go on then, where does the name Toffee come from
TOFFEE
I was always slow passing the joint around. when were kids. So, they called me Toffee Fingers because you couldn't get it off me, in the end it just went to Toffee
Kate puts a coffee and a plate of four gingernut biscuits on the table. Toffee nods his thanks and is excited.
KATE
There you go Toffee
TOFFEE
Oh, gingernuts I haven't had these in
years. They had some in Thailand, but they
had Cinnamon in and I hate cinnamon. I ended up giving mine to the monkeys and they weren't all that fussed about them either
Toffee starts dunking the biscuits and eats the four of them in seconds. Detroit and Kate look at each other, more in concern than scorn.
KATE
Do you fancy a sandwich I've got some
nice ham I brought with me in a freezer
box
Toffee has a mouthful of biscuits, so he just nods gratefully. Kate starts making a ham sandwich.
BILLY AND KEVIN ENTER
Billy is downcast.
BILLY
We've left the tools in the showers. It's bad
love, the whole lot needs ripping out and renewing
TOFFEE
I used it the other night. There's no lights,
the waters stone cold, half the tiles are off
the walls and most of the windows are broken.
And there's no locks on the doors either so the draft blows them open. A fox came in while I was
in the bath and just stirred at me
There is a knock on the door and Billy looks out the window and then eye rolls as he speaks. Kate passes Toffee his sandwich and then stands behind Billy listening.
BILLY
What does he want now!
EXT.OFFICE CARAVAN-DAY
Dick is knocking on the caravan door. Billy opens it as he does so he steps out and begins putting on his muddy wellies. Billy then holds his hand out to detect rain as he speaks. Kate stands in the doorway watching.
BILLY
If you've got another 'To do' list
it'll have to wait. I'm not even halfway
through the last lot
DICK
It's about the mess you're leaving behind
Mrs Willow spent an hour brushing sawdust off
Her decking when you repaired the bin shed
BILLY
Tell her I'm sorry, now do you mind
I've got to chop and burn that bush
at the side of the shower block before it
starts raining
DICK
That bush as you call it, is a Sessile oak
and it's protected. You'd need permission...
Kate can see Billy is ready to blow.
BILLY
For fuc...
KATE
Billy love can you give me a hand I think
the fuses have blown.
Billy takes his boots off and walks back into the caravan without replying to Dick.
INT: OFFICE CARAVAN -DAY
BILLY
How I never hit him I'll never know...
KATE
That's what he wants
BILLY
Well, he's close to getting it. What
the bloody hell is a Sessile Oak
Toffee casually joins the conversation between bites of his sandwich.
TOFFEE
It's protected in its own right plus as
it's also, the favoured habitat of the Dusky Thrush if it visits the UK which is beyond rare, so it's sort of double protected
DETRIOT
amazed
How come you know all that?
Toffee talks casually between bites.
TOFFEE
I was on the 'Birds of the world' table
in infant school and if you'll excuse the
pun, the hobby took off from there. I can identify and name almost every bird in
Europe and most of their habitats
BILLY
scoffs
I'll have to remember that if I'm on who Wants to be a Millionaire. I can't see how we can turn this place around, its wall-to-wall headaches
KATE
We can't just give up
TOFFEE
You could take it to court, I'm sure it's
not as cut and dried as he made out. We
hardly ever get Dusty...
BILLY
intj
Court, have you any idea how long and
how much would that cost? We've only got a month as it is to get everything done and less than a fraction of the money it's going to take to do it!
Toffee waves his ham sandwich.
TOFFEE
Oh, sorry I thought you were loaded
Billy sits and puts his head in his hands.
KATE
Loaded that's a laugh! Billy lost his job
two weeks before we got this place and we
had to give up our council house to live
here
BILLY
We haven't got a pot to piss in, just this
this headache and it looks like this will
be taken off us as well
KEVIN
Come on dad we can work this one out
BILLY
A waste of time, something else
would crop up even if we did
KATE
I wouldn't mind, all we wanted to do
was rent a few cheap caravans out to underprivileged families so they can have little holidays to remember
Toffee instantly jumps to his feet and surprises everyone; he is very animated as he appeals to all.
TOFFEE
Wow that's mad, do you know why Eddy Smart bought this site in the first place? You know before he became a tambourine smasher?
KATE
No
TOFFEE
Because it was Near Vana!
No one gets the connection.
BILLY
What's a village half a mile away got
to do with the price of fish?
TOFFEE
Near-Vana you know as in the Buddhist
sense. He wanted to give out free holidays to the poor as well! How mad is that? Come to think of it it's not mad... it's destiny and it has to come to fruition!
BILLY
It's going to take more than good karma to pull this out the hat!
TOFFEE
Serious
There is no greater power
This makes everyone a little unsure of Toffees stability. Billy eye rolls and breaks the ice.
BILLY
Well while we're waiting for that to kick
in. Me and our Kevin will see if we can at least push that oak thingy back enough from the wall so we can fix the side windows of the showers
BILLY AND KEVIN EXIT
Kate makes more drinks her and Detroit sit at the table with Toffee and clearly want to know more about his take on karma
KATE
I think karmas real, or I sort of hope it
is if you know what I mean? I don't mean all the
comeuppance stuff. Just the good things for being good
TOFFEE
I've never heard it described better
Kate's face lights up with delight.
DETROIT
I'm the same I believe in it. But how can you
use it, you have to wait for it?
TOFFEE
Or you can travel toward it if your intentions
are positive
KATE
How do we do that?
Toffee leans back and closes his eyes. Kate and Detroit look at each other as if to say 'Let him think'
Toffee then opens his eyes and points at pot with small art brushes in that's on the side.
TOFFEE
Who owns those brushes?
DETROIT
They're mine, I take them everywhere I'm studying art at Uni. I was going to put a few decals on the word work and brighten the vans up
TOFFEE
smiles
What are you like at painting eggs?
EXT: SITE -DAY
Billy and Kevin are standing over a broken fence. There are sheep in the next field.
BILLY
We'll have to fix this before fix the showers. Otherwise, we'll have sheep all over the gaff on top of everything else
Billy and Kevin start work on the fence.
EXT: SITE -DAY
Toffee comes out of a set of bushes acting suspiciously.
INT: OFFICE CARAVAN -DAY
Detroit is mixing paints on a plate and Kate is making a space on the table for her to work on it. They both look excited. Toffee then enters and Kate and Detroit both excitedly speak at once.
KATE
Did you get some?
DETROIT
Could you find any?
Toffee smiles.
TOFFEE
We'll have to act fast
EXT: FENCE - DAY.
Billy and Kevin are working on the fence and Dick is standing over the path watching them do it.
EXT: BUSH - DAY.
Toffee comes out of the bush and does a bird whistle.
TOFFEE
Wrrrpp wrpp wrpp
Toffee then discreetly heads off.
EXT. FENCE - DAY.
Billy and Kevin are working on the fence when they hear the whistle. Dick also clearly hears it and rushes off. Billy and Kevin look at each other puzzled.
INT: OFFICE CARAVAN - DAY
Toffee, Kate and Detroit are all kneeling on the bay window sofa and looking discreetly through the net curtains.
KATE
It's definitely worked
DETROIT
Look he's got his phone out
TOFFEE
Hook line and sinker!
EXT. FENCE - DAY
Billy and Kevin have completed the fence and are standing back looking at their work when they see Dick walking past hurriedly with a pile of traffic cones. Billy rolls his eyes.
EXT: BUSH - DAY.
Dick is talking excitedly on his mobile as he works out where to set out the cones out around the bush.
INT: OFFICE CARAVAN- DAY
Toffee and Kate are excitedly standing either side of Detroit as she looks at her phone.
DETROIT
Oh my god it's on the RSPB site already
TOFFEE
It will be, I saw through the window that he had
a gold RSPB badge on his body warmer. That means
it will be official right away. So now let's hammer every social media site we can
Detroit excitedly taps out stuff on her phone.
EXT: FENCE - DAY.
Billy and Kevin are collecting their tools together. As they do so a trial of people with binoculars start walking past. Several cars pass as well. They are all heading in one direction. Billy and Kevin look at each other then follow the crowd.
INT: OFFICE CARAVAN - DAY.
Billy and Kevin enter and are surprised to find no one there. Billy spots a note on the table and reads it.
Gone to the wholesalers
I won't be long.
Toffee & Detroit are in van 6
if you need them.
Love
Kate x
INT. CARAVAN 6 - DAY
Detroit opens the kitchen window as wide as she can. Toffee brushes dust and dirt off a large tea urn. He plugs it in and is delighted to see that it lights up. Detroit then takes out and artist pad and starts to write on it in big letters with a thick pen 'Coffee'
EXT. WHOLESALERS CAR PARK- DAY
Kate is has filled of of her car. She closes the boot and looks into the trolley and sees three large towers of Styrofoam cups are all that's left. She puts them on the back seat and then drives off.
EXT: SITE - DAY
Billy and Kevin are amazed to see cones around the bush. And across from the bush is a crowd of birdwatchers all standing behind a makeshift washing line tied to plastic chairs that makes a barrier. Dick is supervising the whole thing and is in his element.
DICK
Could you move back please I'm excited as
The rest at the idea of seeing a Dusky Thrush. But we must follow the rules of a 'Twitch'
BILLY
A Dusty Thrush? What are the odds of that. Toffee was only just ...
Kevin nudges Bily and points to caravan behind the crowd. Detroit is passing out cups through the open window and Toffee is stood outside it by a trestle table.
KEVIN
I don't think the odds are as long as you think dad
As Bily and Kevin walk toward the caravan, Kate pulls up in the car and quickly gets out and passes the cups through the caravan window to a smiling Detroit. As they get nearer Billy & Kevin see the handmade signs that Detroit must have made.
Tea £1
Coffee £1
Snacks crisps and juice all £1.
There is a queue for both the drinks window and Toffees treat table which he is urgently restocking from Kate's car.
Billy approaches Kate who is now carrying a bucket and is in a too busy to talk mode.
BILLY
What the hell's going on love?
KATE
Can it wait love I need to fill the urn
Detroit's got a queue around the corner
Kate rushes off. Billy turns and sees Toffee putting his stall holders change pinny on Kevin. Toffee then waves to Billy to indicate they need to talk. He points to the back of a caravan.
EXT: REAR OF CARVAN 6 - DAY
Billy is agitated and almost presses Toffee back to the caravan as he speaks
BILLY
What the bloody hell have you done!
TOFFEE
I had you all wrong so, I'm trying to fix
my karma by helping you fix your problems
BILLY
I'd be more worried about cops than karma. If
I can work out what's happened in ten seconds
flat then it won't take them much longer!
TOFFEE
Why would Mr Plod want to talk to me? It
was Dick who called the 'Twitch'
BILLY
smiles
Dick? This is down to Dick?
TOFFEE
smiles
Yup
BILLY
Serious
Well, the coffee and tea lark isn't and
it's got out of hand no matter how much money we're making
TOFFEE
Relax I'll take the eggs out tonight as they've served their real purpose. I'll pop
a Magpie feather in the nest and they'll call off the Twitch and all leave happy
BILLY
What do you mean 'Real purpose'
TOFFEE
You don't think we came up with this just
sell a few snacks. That was just a side line
BILLY
A side line for what?
TOFFEE
Once an officially 'Twitched Nest'
gets abandoned good governance kicks in!
Everything within fifty feet is classed as protected for two mating seasons just in case it returns!
BILLY
How does that help me?
TOFFEE
The showers fall inside the 50-foot rule.
You won't be to legally able do any the work on them. So now your biggest obstacle is off your back for at least 18 months
Toffee looks up at the sky and sees it is getting dark.
TOFFEE
cont
Anyway, the lights fading, I'll have hurry up in case anyone wants an over-night rental
Toffee rushes off leaving Billy shaking his head in disbelief.
INT: OFFICE CARAVAN- NIGHT
The caravan looks cosy and warm with the night lamps on. Kate is making a bed up from the converted window seat.
Billy is sat at the table drinking tea. Detroit has just come out of the shower in her Pj's and is drying her hair with a towel.
Toffee and Kevin enter with torches and bunches of keys and an old ice cream carton full of notes and coins. They are both delighted.
TOFFEE
We've got 78 delighted overnighters all
bedded down at 25 quid a pop
KEVIN
We could have got more if we had a card
reader. You should see how excited they
are! It was like walking round year ones
dormitory on their first night at Hogwarts
Kate and Detroit are delighted and both of them look in the money tub. Billy's look suggests he isn't fully on board
KATE
Toffee I've made you a bed up. You can stay
here tonight. I don't want you in one of the
cold ones
Toffee is almost overcome.
TOFFEE
It's like I've found a family I never knew
had
BILLY
Yeah, the Sopranos, those poor sods
KEVIN
I never saw any poor ones, half the notes we took are 50s and you should have seen the cars they were driving as well. There was one dad and lad who looked as skint as us, so Toffee gave them a freebie
TOFFEE
Anyway, they could say the same about a Christmas grotto. People are happy to pay to go in that and they even know up front that it's not real, but it still makes them happy
Toffee then takes a Magpie feather out of his coat.
TOFFEE
Now if you'll forgive me, I'll be back in 5
TOFFEE EXITS
INT: OFFICE CARAVAN - NIGHT
Toffee is in bed with hands behind his head. Bily is still up sitting at the table with a low wall light. Toffee calls over to him in a low voice
TOFFEE
You know they say that the best fish any
angler ever caught is the one that got away.
It's all about the comradeship and the adventure
BILLY
But it's not real
TOFFEE
You're in the holiday business Billy you're
supposed to sell dreams. Besides I bet Kate
spends every penny we made today doing up the poor kids caravans first
BILLY
Smiles
You're not wrong there, mate she probably has already. If Amazon don't know where this place is they soon will
Billy gets up from the table puts his cup in the sink. He then turns off the wall lamp and the caravan goes dark.
BILLY
Fondly
Good night, Toffee ...and thanks
EXT: SITE- MORNING
A TV news crew are interviewing a man and a woman. Dick is watching them.
INT: OFFICE CARAVAN- MORNING
Billy is up and dressed and putting the kettle on when he hears sounds outside. He almost steps on the sleeping Toffee as he walks over the makeshift bed to look out of the front window. He then sees the TV crew interviewing the two people.
Billy panics in a hushed tone and calls out Kate who comes right away. He then knocks on a door
BILLY
Kevin. Detroit get up the bloody telly's
outside.
Billy shakes Toffee awake.
BILLY
Toffee, Toffee get up!
Toffee is half awake
TOFFEE
What's up?
BILLY
Sky f**king news are outside that's what's up!
Toffee leaps up and joins Kate in looking through the net curtains.
A half- dressed Kevin and Detroit in her Pj's join Kate and Toffee at the net curtains while Billy paces the room.
BILLY
God knows who it is they're talking to, probably the CID, oh my god we're in so much shit
TOFFEE
They look far too happy to be plod. They always
make sure that they look stern when they're being serious, look they're laughing
BILLY
I'll have to mention how f**king jovial they are during the drive down to the station
KATE
What are we going to do
Billy stops pacing.
BILLY
What we always do, front it up.
Billy goes to the door and exits.
The others look at each other in a worried fashion.
EXT: SITE DAY
The interview is over, and the TV crew start to pack up.
REPORTER
Wrap it up, we have all we need anyway!
I told you we should have come down yesterday
The man and woman who were being interviewed are now chatting with Dick as Billy turns up
BILLY
Can I help you?
Dick speaks to the woman who then goes over to Billy, while the man stays talking to Dick.
Jane Davis early 30's middle class.
JANE
My names Jane Davis I'm the head of the council. I believe you're Mr Smart the site owner?
BILLY
Yes
JANE
I'm sorry but Mr Weaver over there checked the nest first thing this morning and sadly Magpies have taken the eggs.
BILLY
That is bad news
JANE
He also suspects that the bird will have flown off as a consequence, so he's called off the twitch
BILLY
That's a shame, I don't know much about birds myself. But it seemed to create a real buzz for so many who do, so I'm sorry to see it go
Billy is doing his best not to hide his delight. A couple of birdwatchers troop past and one pats Billy on the back condolence style. Jane begins to walk back toward Dick and the man. Billy shouts after her in friendly tone.
BILLY
Still at least I can get on with trying to
fix the showers
Dick hears what Billy said and both he and the man to go over to Bily along with Jane turns come over. Dick then prompts the man with his eyes to do the talking.
KEN
I'm sorry Mr Smart but you can't touch the
showers or the oak for at least a year maybe
more, they're going to become protected under...
BILLY
intj
Who are you?
KEN
Ken Cornwall, I'm the deputy...
Billy points at Dick and then Jane.
BILLY
Oh so this is your mate is it the one you said
will be taking over her job! And who's had
me jumping through hoops
JANE
What's he talking about?
Ken Cornwall and Dick look at each other sheepishly and then shake their heads as if to say they have no idea.
INT: OFFICE CARAVAN- MORNING
Toffee, Detroit, Kevin, and Kate are all mesmerized as they watch events through the nets curtain. Kate then smiles broadly.
KATE
I know that face, somehow, he's got them on
the backfoot
EXT: SITE -MORNING
Billy's tone and stance is now accusatorial.
BILLY
Unless you're all in on it, making sure I can't
get off the ground, what do want the land for?
More row upon row of half million- pound houses
with no shops schools or places for kids to play
JANE
I can assure you Mr Smar...
BILLY
intj
You know what I don't even think there was a bloody Thrush here in the first place!
DICK
Defensive.
There was one I heard it and we saw its eggs before a magpie...
Ken Cornall can see Billy is getting the upper hand, so he switches to pompous official to stifle it. But Jane clearly doesn't like this and now suspects Ken Cornwall for, his ambition.
KEN
Regardless of what you think, or don't think
Mr Smart, as it stands those showers must not
be disturbed in anyway, that's the law!
BILLY
So now I can't fix the showers meaning I can't get the permits, so I get shut down for doing the right thing! You really are a clever little fox aren't you
Ken Cornwall continues in his pomp oblivious to the fact that Jane is now looking right at him in a suspiciously new light.
KEN
I don't make the laws Mr Smart I just ensure that they are adhered to
JANE
Wait a minute I may have a compromise.
We have mobile toilets and shower units
we normally use for the half marathon.
That's right isn't it Ken, we do have
the units?
KEN
Yes but...
JANE
We've had to cut the half marathon
this year, you know budgets. We could just
site them here instead of the council yards
Ken clearly doesn't want to help.
KEN
But this is a commercial venture...
JANE
firm
They're also community based so there's no
Conflict. Plus they get frozen up every winter
and we have to pay to fix them. This way we get free storage and I'm sure Billy would ensure they're fully maintained during usage
BILLY
You have my personal guarantee, Jane
JANE
Perfect! Now when you get back to the office Ken
can you see that gets done asap. I'll go straight to Glendale House from here, there's a case conference. If you hit any obstacles let me know right away and I'll iron them straight as I said I want it done asap
Ken Cornwall nods. Both he and Dick head off in angry conference.
BILLY
I hope I haven't upset him
JANE
I wouldn't worry too much. Look I have to be off
BILLY
Have you got 5 minutes for a coffee? My wife would love to meet you and say thanks for all your help
JANE
To be honest it was more a case of putting a stick in someone else's wheel. But it's also been a real pleasure meeting you Billy it really has. I'm sure we'll be seeing a lot of each other as you get up and running
BILLY
Same here Jane thanks for your help
JANE
Thanks for the heads up on Mr Fox and his cub. I have to rush I've got 6 families with young kids sat on beds 24/7 in a B&B I have meet and discuss long term plans for, not that there is any!
Billy's face lights up.
BILLY
You're kidding!
INT: VAN: NIGHT
Billy is slowly twirling an excited Kate around. Toffee is holding two bottles of wine one red one white and is filling glasses Kevin and Detroit are dancing with joy as they all listen to Billys account
BILLY
So that's where I was all afternoon, I had to get
a police check and agree to a two- day Health & Safety class starting Monday so that it's all
above board
KATE
We'll have to get new sheets and blankets
we can't have those poor kids sleeping in
dirty beds. We'll have to scrub every caravan
from top to bottom. Oh, and they can play out in the
fresh air and everything. I wish we had enough
to get a few slides and swings for them
BILLY
We'll have more than enough, that Jane knew the situation. It was her who told me all the B&Bs
Insist on two months in advance. We're charging half
what they do and we're still more than quid's in
Toffee issues out the glasses of wine and does the toast.
TOFFEE
To us all, we may have had to fight dirty, but our motives were pure. And above all to Billy he really did us all proud
ALL
Speech, speech, speech!
Bily holds his hands up and reluctantly gives a speech.
BILLY
I know I tend to see the darker side of things first. So, I suspect we haven't heard the last of Dick or Ken Cornwall, not to mention the twins and the hundreds of problems we probably need to sort
out
Pause
What I will say is that we've put our footprint down here. We've already got families coming out here who have been caged in rooms scared to even go into a corridor.
Kate goes over and stays hugging Billy as he continues.
BILLY
This won't be easy, but we can do it. Kevin and Detroit have already said they'll stick around till it's time to go back to uni, and they'll be a great help. So I'd like to formally ask Toffee if he can see his way to staying with us while we get there. As without his help it may not happen
TOFFEE
Smiles
On one condition
EXT: ENTRANCE -DAY
Kevin and Kate are holding the Buck Hall sign which has been taken down. Toffee has a hammer, and a step ladder and Detroit is holding a new sign.
Billy is further back organising thing. Billy then gives a thumbs up and we see a really funky sign.
NEAR-VANA
Detroit then touches up the A at the end with a paint brush. Dick is watching across the road he then uses his mobile.
THE END