OLD SKETCH, DUSTED OFF, FEEL FREE TO IMPROVE/CRITICISE/DELETE AT YOUR LEISURE...
INT. PUB - DAY
Three men, TERRY, JOHN and PHIL, are standing and drinking at the bar. TERRY and JOHN stand together, PHIL is ordering a pint.
TERRY gets his mobile phone out of his pocket.
TERRY
Here, John, you ain’t seen this one yet.
TERRY shows JOHN the screen. We hear a woman moaning and groaning as a video plays.
JOHN
(Laughing.)
Aw, mate, that’s sick.
TERRY
I know.
JOHN
That’s disgusting.
TERRY
Here comes the bicycle pump.
JOHN
Ah, she’s not going to put it in her...?
TERRY
Yes she is. Slides in a bit too easy, dunnit? Here, Phil, Phil? Look at this, mate.
PHIL turns from the bar and joins JOHN and TERRY staring at the mobile phone.
PHIL
What? Aw, that’s rank.
TERRY
Best bit coming up. Yep, here comes the labrador.
They all laugh and groan. We hear a dog barking.
Two women, SUE and HANNAH, walk over and join them. The men carry on watching regardless.
TERRY
Alright, love? ‘right, Hannah?
HANNAH
What are you looking at?
SUE
I’ll tell you what they’re looking at. (To TERRY.) It’s that bloody video again, isn’t it?
HANNAH
What video?
SUE
You don’t want to know, Hannah. It’s disgusting. Absolutely filth. ‘Course, my dirty bloody boyfriend here can’t get enough.
HANNAH
Can I see?
HANNAH joins the men watching the phone video.
HANNAH
Oh my God! Is that dog peeing on her?
TERRY
That’s not all it does. Watch this.
SUE
Hannah!
HANNAH
What?
SUE
Honestly! You know, you’re all a bunch of sad little perverts.
PHIL
Come on, Sue, lighten up, it’s only a bit of a laugh.
SUE
Not to me it ain’t. I think you’re all sick, watching something like that.
JOHN
Whoops! All over her face.
SUE
Terry, I’m going back to the flat.
HANNAH
Oh, Sue...
SUE
No, Hannah, I’ve had enough of it. And it’s a pity because I was having a nice time, you know? It’s a shame some people don’t know how to behave.
SUE heads towards the door. She lifts her head high and walks away determinedly, trying to portray a sense of dignity.
TERRY
(Calling out.)
Oh, come on, Sue. If you’re that narked then why the hell did you ask me to film it?
SUE exits.
And an extra ten bonus points to those of you who guessed the punchline fairly soon!
Love & kisses,
Tim