MP GUILTY OF GROPING TEA LADY
This week the MP for Wuthering-on-Heights Mr Ian Gropesalot was found guilty in court of groping the house of commons tea lady.
Mrs Bourbon 78 of Leicester was filling her trolley for the afternoon tea when Mr Gropesalot came from behind her and fondled her rear end.
"I have never been so horrified in all my life", said a very scared Mrs Bourbon, "I turned around and hit him as hard as i could with the first thing at hand which happened to be my big rubber dildo which i always keep for use at break times". Mr Gropesalot in court however denied such accusations and said he was just adjusting her hobnobs after they fell as the trolley went over a raised hump in the carpet.
"I would never do such a thing, she is an elderly lady and far too old for my liking...far too old".
Mr Gropesalot will serve 18 months community service dressed as an old tea lady serving Boris Johnson and his cabinet with tea, biscuits and the occasional bottle of wine.