A Radio Sketch I wrote recently:
F/X: HEAVY WOOD DOOR CREAKING OPEN.
WILHELM: Jacob, I have done it. Through my travels in Bavaria, I encountered a tale. The tale, in fact, that will complete our compendium of children's literature.
JACOB: Oh, praise the heavens! Finally, our life's work may be complete. Well, do not waste another second. Regale me!
WILHELM: At once. Well, this tale is titled after its two main characters, two youthful siblings: Hansel and Gretel. They live, though one may not consider it living, in a house in a forest with their father and step-mother. Now, the father is a kind man. The step-mother, however, is a wicked woman who decides-
JACOB: Wilhelm, before you continue, we've heard content before that wasn't really age-appropriate. I should make certain before you go through this entire story, is it suitable for children?
WILHELM: Suitable? Err, yes, yes. It's one-hundred percent suitable for children.
JACOB: Very well. Continue.
WILHELM: Where was I?
JACOB: You just mentioned the step-mother.
WILHELM: Ah, yes. So, she decides to murder the children.
JACOB: She- So this story for children is about a child-murderer?
WILHELM: Oh no, no. She doesn't actually murder them.
JACOB: Thank God.
WILHELM: She persuades the father to do it.
JACOB: What? The father? The kind father?
WILHELM: The kind father, yes. Anyway, he leaves them in the forest to die. Then there's this whole bit involving pebbles and breadcrumbs that keeps being retold, but now that I consider, it really has no bearing on the rest of the tale and can be cut with no consequence. Anyway, Hansel and Gretel reach a house made entirely of gingerbread.
JACOB: Ahh, now this seems more appropriate.
WILHELM: Yes, yes. The Old Lady who lives there wants to kill them.
JACOB: Oh.
WILHELM: Kill them and eat them in fact. So, she imprisons them, until Gretel pushes her into a flaming oven. Hansel and Gretel run home, find that their step-mother is gone and they live happily ever after with their father.
JACOB: Happily ever after with their father who previously tried to murder them?
WILHELM: Yes, that's right. What do you think?
JACOB: Huh. Wilhelm, just to paraphrase, you have just pitched a story for children that involves child abuse, attempted homicide, kidnapping, cannibalism and then actual homicide.
WILHELM: Yes, I suppose I have.
JACOB: But, oh, we have a deadline and the publishers have contracted us to submit so many pages as a preliminary draft. Let's include this monstrosity and if they have any sense, they'll cut it out immediately. Now, the other matter: we have yet to give ourselves a name that befits authors for children. We must call ourselves something that appears fun, friendly and non-threatening.
WILHELM: Yes, no worries there. For I have devised the perfect alias.
JACOB: What?
WILHELM: The Brothers Grimm.
JACOB: (SIGHS) Naturally.
END
