A WOODLAND
A man is huffing and puffing as he climbs up steep banks in a heavy wind to collect fallen logs. He then climbs back down and puts the logs in a large old Silver Cross baby pram. He then climbs back up for more several times. He does this until the pram is almost overloaded.
On the last occasion he stops at the top of the bank with logs in his arms and looks down in shock.
SCENE
A police car is in the glade and the log collector is in the middle of irately talking to what is rapidly becoming a surly policeman.
MAN
Don't be asking me, just follow the f**king pram wheel tracks they'll take you to the car park, that's what I did.
PLOD
And you say the logs weren't there?
MAN
All I found was the pram on its f**king back and every one of my logs gone. He must have been watching me fill it from the rhododendrons!
PLOD
Technically sir they're not 'Your Logs'
MAN
Oh here we f**king go any excuse to write a crime off, that's all you lot are good for!
PLOD
First off moderate your language, secondly count yourself lucky that I'm not running you in for wasting police time.
MAN
Wasting your time? I gave you everything you need to f**king go on!.
PLOD
They're just logs, and you didn't even legally own them.
MAN
Just logs? They're f**king seven quid a bag at the garage!
PLOD
Well, I doubt my superiors want me to have the entire nation on the lookout for a man who you claim looks like Ronnie Barker and who may or may not have a log burner in his house!
MAN
No wonder no one rates the f**king plod these days. What we're you planning on doing? Taking a few selfies with your arse out by the pram to get a laugh off your mates?
PLOD
You're nicked
