Forever blowing bubbles.

FOREVER BLOWING BUBBLES.

INT. DAY.

MAN APPROACHES THE ASSISTANT BEHIND THE COUNTER IN A BODY PRODUCTS SHOP. HE PUTS VARIOUS PRODUCTS DOWN ON THE COUNTER AND CHECKS HIS LIST.

MAN. Ok, so I’ve got bath scrub, cleanliness is next to Godliness. (laughs)

HE BEGINS TO HAND THE PRODUCTS TO HER AS HE READS THEM OUT.

MAN. Bath oil. Bath cream, strawberry and vanilla flavoured.

HE RAISES HIS EYEBROWS AND TITTERS SUGGESTIVELY.

ASSISTANT. A very nice choice. I love this. It’s one of my favourites.

MAN. Bath chocolate?

ASSISTANT. (gasps) Mmmmm. For a lady friend?

MAN. How did you know?

ASSISTANT. I know the signs.

THEY LAUGH.

MAN. Bath salts ….. Do you have bath pepper?

ASSISTANT. No, I’ve not heard of that one. It’s a little exotic for us.

MAN. It’s essential if you really want to spice things up but you just can’t get it.

ASSISTANT BLUSHES.

MAN. That’ll be it then.

ASSISTANT. That’s £15.76, please.

MAN PAYS AND LEAVES.

WITHIN MOMENTS A HEAVILY DISGUISED WOMAN ENTERS LOOKING ANXIOUS. SHE MOVES AROUND THE SHOP AND SPEAKS IN A WHISPER.

WOMAN. Do you sell bath bombs?

ASSISTANT. Yes, madam.

WOMAN. How long is the fuse?

ASSISTANT. I’m sorry?

WOMAN. How long have I got to get out of the house.

ASSISTANT. Before?

WOMAN. Look I need to do something to stop my boyfriend. Every time I go round to his house for dinner all I ever get is bath in chocolate, bath in cream, bath this, bath that. I can’t take anymore, the man simply can’t cook.

I like the idea, the punchline seemed a little laboured. Maybe try it the other way round?

-----------------------------------
WOMAN. Look I need to do something to stop my boyfriend. Every time I go round to his house for dinner all I ever get is bath in chocolate, bath in cream, bath this, bath that. I can’t take anymore, the man simply can’t cook.

ASSISTANT. I'm afraid we can't accept any responsibility for what people do with our products.

WOMAN. I just want to send him a message. Maybe hurt him?

ASSISTANT. I certainly couldn't condone that. I'm afraid you'll have to leave.

WOMAN. Do you sell bath bombs?
----------------------------------------

Please feel free to ignore me. The other thing is that the man seemed to talk as if he knew he was in a comedy sketch, he didn't seem relaxed.

Thanks for that, Stuart. It was one of those ones where you know there's an idea in there you just know that you haven't quite caught it.
You're a star!

I liked it. I agree the punchline should've been punchier though.

I didn't mind the punchline, but it breaks down the initial naturalism when she asks for bath bombs. To be fair, however, that would mean cutting to another scene.