gappy
Thursday 20th January 2022 6:33pm [Edited]
Oxford
2,682 posts
Thread titles ain't a-changing. Assuming that's the case, here's my attempt at a Shapes sketch (I mean, I've written the bugger now, so I'm bloody posting it even if this leg of the comp is over).
GRAMS:WAGNER STYLE MUSIC
MALE LEAD: I am Siegfried, the dragon-slaying,
In youth and might, I stand alone,
Although my ginger hair is greying
And I weigh 22 stone.
MALE CHORUS: Opera singers rarely look right,
Always the wrong age, shape, weight or height
We found a guy who hits the notes,
Ignore the fact he splits waistcoats,
He knows Italian and French,
So who cares if he's not so hench?
GRAMS:GILBERT & SULLIVAN STYLE MUSIC
FEMALE CHORUS: 3 little girls of school are we
Our median age is 43
FEMALE LEAD: I am portraying the merest slip,
With a budding bust and a schoolgirl hip,
Though I have a figure like Beyonce -
At least that makes the plot less noncey.
FEMALE CHORUS: At least that makes the plot less noncey!
GRAMS:ROSSINI STYLE MUSIC
MALE LEAD: Where did we get so
Chunky a mezzo
Portraying Mimi
In the Puccini?
Her hand's not teeny!
It's just her luncheon
Suffers consumption,
She has a special table and she has a bigger plate.
FEMALE LEAD: This hefty divo
Requires a heave-ho
To don his clothes, he
Looks very cosy
Playing Don Jose.
To look more svelte, he
Tightened his belt, he
Still looks quite enormous, but now he's a figure eight.
MALE LEAD: Figure eight! Figure eight! Figure eight, figure eight, figure eight, figure eight! [THIS BIT IS TO THAT FAMOUS REFRAIN FROM THE START OF THE BARBER OF SEVILLE, YOU KNOW THE ONE]
FEMALE CHORUS: Opera singers rarely look right,
Always the wrong age, shape, weight or height
If you would enjoy the "nessun dorma"
Ignore the gulf between part and performer.
GRAMS:MOZART STYLE MUSIC
MALE LEAD: Are those two sister and brother?
FEMALE LEAD: No they're playing son and mother,
MALE CHORUS: Even thought they look exactly the same age as one another
FULL CHORUS: Opera singers rarely look right,
Always the wrong, age, shape, weight or height
The lady playing beauteous Helen
Yes, alright, she's 57
And resembles a blonde melon
But she has the voice of heaven
FEMALE LEAD: [FFF] And it goes up to 11! [TRILLS FOR AGES]
ALL: [MUTTERING] Just showing off now.