Mug Muffin

INT
Sweet little old ladies Enid & Ethel are having Tea & Muffins in Enids livingroom.

Enid
(Shaking her head sadly)I tell you Dear it just isn’t fair. It isn’t right.

Ethel
(Rubs Enids hand) Yes I heard that Audrey was mugged again. (Tuts)

Enid
(Nods) Yes by 4 of them this time. One of the lads smashed her one right in the face, she had a whopper of a shiner. The lights from the camera really made that black eye stick out in the newspaper.It looks like an appeal has been set up to recoup & raise some money for her. Apparently she lost her entire life savings. £7000.

Ethel
Why did she withdraw that amount of money?

Enid
(Shrugs) Apparently she wanted to pay for a cruise she has always wanted to go on

Ethel
Did she give a description of her attackers

Enid
Nope. She said she was too traumatised to think straight.

Ethel
So they are still out there then. Waiting to mug another pensioner.

Enid
I tell you I have waved my pension about but I have not been mugged.
I have been very rude to youths. I have stood at the cashpoint infront of many an undesirable person, punched in my pin number & everything. I obviously don’t have a muggable face..

Ethel
Maybe you are trying to hard Dear. (pats her hand again)
I am sure your time will come. Why don’t you try looking sweet & frail? That’s how Audrey plays it. She is going to give classes next month on how to be a professional victim. I am sure we can all learn something from her. She may be greedy, but she plays the best victim in this town by far.

CLOSE

Um - yes.

Back to form Charley.

Didnt you like it David. Is there not enough f**ks or bastards in it. I always feel odd writing without filth. I shall do my own foul mouthed version.

Derek and Clive reimagined as sweet, frail old ladies.

No no no Charley. It's fine.

Quite ladylike really.

It didn't really work for me, the line "The lights from the camera really made that black eye stick out in the newspaper." gave away the joke, for me anyway.

It was well written and nicely paced, but honestly, not very funny.

I did chuckle but I agree that the ending was pretty obvious. I sort of thought that it might benifit from dropping the victim class bit since we'd all got that she was at it. Not sure.