Animal Personality of the Year 2021

Yes, it is that time of year again when people across the country will be wanting to cast their votes. Here are the first three of this year's six categories of nominations.

Young Animal Personality of the Year

Dog
Caterpillar
Goldfish
Earth Worm
Horse
Walrus
Mongoose
Crocodile
Bee
Yak

Best Animal Team With Great Personality

Sheep
Bear
Orang Utang
Snail
Cat
Chaffinch
Gerbil
Spider
Hippopotamus
Dromedary

Best Disabled Animal With A Personality

Ferret
Crab
Kangaroo
Hamster
Giraffe
Pelican
Wombat
Pit Pony
Otter
Ant

What about Cockerels?

And here are the nominations for the other three categories:

Most Outstanding Personality By An Animal of Ethnic Background

Aardvark
Polar Bear
Eel
Elephant
Hedgehog
Badger
Mouse
Robin Redbreast
Cow
Daddy Long Legs

Quote: Stephen Goodlad @ 15th September 2021, 10:23 AM

What about Cockerels?

View original

Great idea.

I will include that one in category five.

Thanks.

Animal Personality With Gender Fluidity And Military Service in Afghanistan

Cockerel
Whale
Chimpanzee
Swallow
Gnu
Beaver
Tsetse Fly
Squirrel
Bat
Lion

May I, Gary Lineker, invite now on to the stage Prince William, Paul Gascoigne, Emma Raducanu and a duck billed platypus who has just flown in from Ghana for a quick game of cardboard shove ha'penny.

Thank you.

Overall Animal Personality of the Year, 2021

Racccoon
Mountain Goat
Wasp
Rhinoceros
Pig
Pigeon
Butterfly
Frog
Bunny Rabbit
Haddock

And the first three winners are:

Young Animal Personality of the Year

Mongoose for her Hackney Pond clearance work with autistic children, digging with non-retractable claws at more than one celebrity run food hub and protecting half the world's population from snake venom

Best Animal Team With Great Personality

Team Sheep for Meryl Streep, Schindler's List, the best original Star Wars, wool and Never Mind the Bollocks, Here's the Sex Pistols

Best Disabled Animal With A Personality

Pit Pony for getting in to the Guinness Book of Records for hod carrying, skateboarding up Mount Etna during an eruption, flying single handedly to Mars and back again and appearing in the media more often than Tanni Grey-Thompson

And our final three winners are:

Most Outstanding Personality By An Animal of Ethnic Background:

Badger for his excellent management of Extinction Rebellion, Black Lives Matter, Martha Reeves and the Vandellas, Bovine Tuberculosis and Sir Keir Starmer

Animal Personality With Gender Fluidity And Military Service in Afghanistan

Swallow for the comedy revue "Cocking About - Music by Jennifer Hinge, Lyrics by Dawn Bracket", winning the Booker Prize for the trilogy "Tales From My Grandfather - His Life With Jihadis As Transsexual", deservedly becoming Britain's most decorated soldier of all time for leading world armies to victory in 87 deserts, and efficiently chirruping with diverse musical application whenever not flapping both wings.

Sadly Swallow cannot be with us in person here tonight following a bit of an argument. Apparently it is chirp and not chirrup. We can only apologise. But all is not lost. Here to receive Swallows' prize on Swallow's behalf, please give a very warm welcome to Mike Tyson and the great Gail Rodwell of Coronation Street.

Lovely isn't it?

Is it 'eck as like.

Overall Animal Personality of the Year, 2021

Now to that all important moment we have all been waiting for. Here to hand out the big award is last year's winner, Fried Egg Jellyfish, flanked by the next King and Queen of the United Kingdom, Sir David Attenborough and Victoria Coren-Mitchell.

Victoria, have you enjoyed the evening so far?

Yeah, Gary, it's been well good. It's wicked. Innit.

And so King David to be, if I may be so bold as to call you that, did you ever expect that this year's winner would not only be exceptional in his or her many fields but had declared with scientific evidence that God had returned to earth, our winner was God herself or himself, though cleverly in a not entirely expected guise, and indeed he or she is here to immediately repair the roof as it were by ending climate change?

No. I've been working with Ed Sheeran on his latest album to be fair so I haven't got a clue what is happening in the real world. Not at all interested in it. Can I get on with this now?

Yes.

The overall animal personality of the year is..........Haddock.

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