A smoke damaged Lakeland gift shop.
A woman is talking to a man with no facial hair or eyebrows .
WOMAN
Mr Oliver I'm an experienced loss adjuster. Your claim for half a million pounds for loss of stock is outrageous!
OWNER
Oh here we go ! You pay through the nose for donkeys years without question and when something does happen ...
WOMAN interjects
You joined the day before the fire, which I may add you're on bail for setting.
OWNER
That's just a technicality because I was the first one here.
WOMAN
Assuming you weren't actually leaving as the police suggest, there still remains the question of the stock's value?
OWNER
Half a million quid like it says on the claim form.
WOMAN
But where did you buy the stock from in the first place there was no warehouse or delivery documentation with the claim form?.
OWNER
That's because I made it myself, with my own two hands
WOMAN
We suspected as much when our investigators found these.
The woman then tips a box load of small barometers and compasses and four tubs of Uhu glue.
OWNER
So I had raw materials on the premises ,Uhu's not flammable so what's your point?
WOMAN
My point is that from what we have gathered 99% of your stock appears to be pieces of slate with various low quality Chinese attachments . Which we estimate the cost to you at around £230
OWNER
What a about the slate?
WOMAN
You shop backs onto a former slate digging, you can literally pick it up all over your back yard
OWNER
And the man hours?
WOMAN
To amass half a million pounds worth of stock, which we presume you charge £2 a unit., We estimated that it would have taken you 24 years
OWNER
2 quid are you joking? This is the Lakes, my cheapest one was 80 quid and you don't even get a paper bag with it , unless you pay the extra 2 quid
WOMAN
£80 for a pieces of slate that has a broken compass badly glued to it, a likely story.
Two Japanese people in Kagools and back packs enter the store.
BACKPACKER
I'm sorry we didn't know you had a fire, we were hoping to get some souvenirs to take home.
The OWNER looks around and finds on piece of slate with a small barometer on it, He blows the ash off as he speaks.
OWNER
There you go sir £80
BACKPACKER
Have you only got the one? I was hoping to buy at least six for family and friends.
The now forlorn backpacker pays cash and they leave, as the man looks at woman
WOMAN
We'll have a cheque out to you by Friday
