West London 2am
A group of men dressed in red and white hunting attire are riding on E Scooters.
A car then pulls up fast and a man with a bat gets out of it,
MAN
Who the f**k are you lot?
A frenzy of toff accents answer almost together.
TOFF1
"We're the Young Conservatives Chelsea Hunt "
TOFF 2
"We're chasing Urban foxes don't you know?"
TOFF 3
"It's our way of helping the plebs, it wouldn't do for Nando's to run out of chicken."
TOFF 4
"That's what they eat when they're not on drugs "
Toff 5
"Hunts help communities"
MAN
"You lot just killed my f**king cat ten minutes ago"
TOFF 1
"Teething problems. To be fair it was very reddish."
MAN
"It was black and f**king white."
TOFF 1
"Oh that one? Look this is our inaugural hunt. Shall we say 200 guineas by way of compensation ? A gesture of goodwill and all that?
TOFF 2
"Pay the Johnny off and let's get on"
TOFF 3
"This is ghastly we have foxes to catch"
MAN
But it's my ex- girlfriends cat she's going to think I did it, We've been arguing by text all night ''
TOFF 1
"Don't get me started on 'Totty Troubles' We have to get on so let's call it 250 guinea's and consider ourselves fellows well met "
MAN
"How much is 250 guineas and where can you spend them?"
TOFF 1
"There you go they're £50's you can spend them anywhere"
MAN
"You might be able to where you go , but it'll take me ages to find one that'll take them of me, But I'll have them anyway"
TOFF 1
"Now all that leaves me to say is 'Tally Ho'
The hunt scoots off in great cheer as the man pockets the money and smiles. He then goes on his phone and posts on a site called 'Missing Cats'