If the two Ronnies hadn't existed

In a hardware shop, Norman Pace is behind the counter.
(Gareth Hale enters and faces Pace across the counter)
HALE: Four candles!
PACE: Four candles?
HALE: Four candles.
(Pace reaches under the counter and brings out some candles which he places on the counter)
HALE: No, four candles!
PACE (confused): Well, there you are, four candles!
(Hale leans towards Pace, menacingly)
HALE: Four candles!
(Pace looks at the candles and sees there are only three. He reaches under the counter and brings out another candle, placing it on the counter)
PACE: Sorry.
(Hale, still with menace, picks up the candles, puts some cash on the counter and leaves the shop)
PACE (cont.): Tosser.

Clever Good choice, and I see the Two Rons - yes?

Thank you, Hercules. Yes, the Ronnies and the Rons! Very different comedy duos with their own distinctive styles.

From Der Management. Used to love them!

ANYONE is on a hiding to nothing when they touch on the classics no matter how good there's is. There's a maxim along the lines of a poor original is better than a great imitation.
That said the idea stands better on its own intimidation wise and you clearly like to write for me you would be better off with a sketch where there is intimidation instead of money for the transaction .
So just increase the intimidation dramatically and leave Hale & Pace out and just go with a bully and a wimp as thats an easy one to follow for any age .
You have the imagination but it just needs to stand alone , so be like a dancer who lets go of the rail and don't worry if you fall over as long as you pick yourself back up every time and go again.

I'd like to see this as two people we don't know doing something we expect but the opposite happens .

Three women are sitting together, enjoying a bottle of wine. We see they are, from left to right, Jennifer Saunders, Dawn French and Celia Imrie.
DAWN: Four candles!
JENNIFER: Four candles?
DAWN: Four candles.
JENNIFER: You mean like for a birthday cake?
DAWN: No, they were great big ones.
(She mimes the size)
JENNIFER: Blimey! That certainly beats my cucumber.
DAWN (to Celia): How about you?
(Jennifer and Dawn look at Celia, with interest)
CELIA (demurely): I don't do that sort of thing.

I'm with Teddy on this. You have to earn your comedy spurs before taking on the greats.

I'm not the best judge of this type of stuff as I don't do crude. That's not knocking crude as Chubby Browns a millionaire and I can just about meet my rent so its well liked.

Berlusconi's a multi-millionaire. Doesn't mean he's a good bloke.
Doing comedy by deconstructing comedy is dodgy ground unless you're established. It's like ironically crap stand-up: Alexei Sayle did it (Bobby Chariot) and Steve Coogan did it (Duncan Thickett) but they'd already demonstrated they could do it properly. I once saw a comic playing that card but as it was the first time anyone had seen him, it just felt like a cop-out.

I'd be very unhappy if I thought Ronnie, Ronnie, Ron or Ron might think (or have thought) for a moment that my sketch was an attempt to 'take them on' any way. It was just a bit of fun, an idea that amused me, a very humble homage to some of my very many comedy betters.

As for the Jen, Dawn and Celia sketch, I don't see anything crude about people discussing the bulkiest objects they've ever shoplifted. To the pure all things are pure. Teddy.

I'm sure they are and I don't think its a bad sketch either . Its just not my sort of stuff so I'm not best place to critique it but given I had already posted a reply based your original one to ignore your additional reply is not my style.
As I said I don't like outright crude but a really good double entendre always makes me smile so I'm not a prude in that sense I suppose.
All in all I'm happy to see a sketch from anyone as its great to see someone who still has a bit of fight left in them.

-Four candles.
-A please might be nice.
-Snowflake!
-Nazi!

[THEY START FIGHTING. EVERYONE IN BRITAIN ENTERS AND JOINS IN]

No problem in Parodying old sketches
News revue do it a lot, And this one worked fine for me,
Just missed having a target or a point that I could that I could spot easily

Quote: Steve Sunshine @ 21st June 2021, 1:44 AM

No problem in Parodying old sketches

View original

Yes, and...........................

I thought it was a clever idea and an excellent piece of comedy exercise. As I said, clever to think of the Ronnies and Rons linked like that and well written. Snappy and quickly to the point.

With the Two Rons both in their management outfits, I would like to have seen maybe, them the other way round with Gareth, also in the brown warehouse coat (open to reveal suit) and flat cap a la Corbett and Norman with woolly hat on carrying his shopping list. I think Norman carried more menace.

You'd be on a hiding to nothing of course, "tampering" with a classic sketch, but as you say, your homage and imo a first class piece of writing!

I've never forgiven Toad and Walrus for making the Monkhouse equals Monastery joke.