Drug Squad Meeting
A DI is pointing at a board full of suspects photos. Everyone in the pictures looks well over 80 years old. All the cops apart from the DI look under 25.
DI
Right its time you lot had a kick up arse, I want these bastard nicked everyone one of them in the next 48 hours. And when I mean nicked, I mean red f**king handed!
COP 1
How do we do that Sir Joey Lah Lah uses pensioners to do his leg work on purpose because he knows that they're impossible to follow.
COP2
If they're in a car they only do 28 miles an hour. The last one we tailed we ended up getting pulled over ourselves by a patrol car.Apparently some local mothers rang in claiming that we were kiddy fiddlers.
COP3
And if you get on the bus with them, they talk your hind leg off and if they see your earpiece, they say it twice as loud.
DI
Well, we can't nail Joey Lah Lah while his couriers are taking the piss out of us.
COP1
We tapped their phones, but they use a code their pickups and drop offs that no one can crack.
COP2
We even sent a copy over to GCHQ over at Cheltenham they said at best it's a book code, but their computer couldn't establish the book.
COP 3
They're smarter than our smartest that's the problem.
DI
Is that so? Let's listen shall we?
TAPE PLAYS
VOICE 1
Be at the Fox for six bells and take what you get to the Ice Rink.
VOICE 2
I could do it first thing if you want?
VOICE1
We can't take the risk of you being exposed as Twirly.
DI
So that's the code is it?
COP 1
I was on that case , there is no Fox pub or Ice Rink with 50 square miles and at 6 o'clock he was sat in his house, we saw no meet? And God alone knows what a 'Twirly' is or why they all seem really worried being exposed as one?
DI
Let me introduce you lot to PC Lenny 'The Slippers' Simpson
A 90 year old man in a 60's police uniform then appears holding out his particulars for inspection. Truncheon Whistle Cuffs and notebook.
The Drug Squad all laugh.
DI
When you've finished laughing let me show you what an old fashioned copper is capable of
PLAYS TAPE
VOICE 1
Be at the Fox for six bells and take what you get to the Ice Rink.
VOICE 2
I could do it first thing if you want?
VOICE1
We can't take the risk of you being exposed as a Twirly!
SLIPPERS
The Fox was on the corner of Lord street, in the late 60's it's a Timpson's now. And the Ice Rink they refer to closed in 1976 its now the Lidl on London Rd. Oh by the way six bells is naval time for 7 o'clock.
COP1
So all they're doing really is going back years?
COP 2
What about the 'Twirly' then that they're all worried about?
SLIPPERS
It's what they call ones who try to get on buses in the mornings before their pass allows. It's short 'Too Early'
COP 3
We've got the bastards now!