A middle age woman in a cardigan is knitting a doll with her legs over the edge of the roof of a high rise office block.
Two men walk cautiously toward her. As they do so the first man speaks softly.
MAN 1
"Hello, it's Helen, isn't it?"
WOMAN
"To be honest the way things have been going I'm really not that sure anymore?"
MAN 1
"It's been a very confusing time?"
WOMAN
"You're not kidding, I'm at my wits end!"
The woman then suddenly stands up in a panic. As she does so the knitted doll falls off the building. This is instantly followed by screams and then sighs of almost disappointment from below.
WOMAN
"Oh my god can you say 'Wits end' now ? Please don't tell me that Wit was an oppressed person?"
The man holds out his phone as he speaks.
MAN
"It's, ok you can say it. I've just checked on my app and that gets updates every 10 seconds".
The woman is slightly reassured.
WOMAN
"I'm sorry it's been that type of day".
The man smiles warmly .
MAN
"Would you like to tell me about it?"
WOMAN
"I work in accounts, when I say I work I've only just got back today to be honest. I was furloughed for over a year. Just me and the cat, it was hard for her as it was for me.
MAN
"I'm sure it was".
WOMAN
"I do the payroll. So, when I got into today, I had to sort the wages out for over 500 employees. Normally it's just press a button. But now everyone's changed their hours . All of a sudden, some people say they'll come in for two days and work from home for the rest , some are saying one day some even say four. There's even two idiots who want to work alternate mornings and afternoons and I'm the one who has to work the attendances out?"
MAN
"Did you speak to your manager?"
WOMAN
"I tried but 'They' are working remotely from a cottage in Devon at the moment".
MAN
"What did they say?"
WOMAN
"Nothing They are having the day off to attend a Yoga Séance".
MAN
"A 'Yoga Séance?"
WOMAN
"Yeah, they sit cross legged and summon dead Yoga experts!"
MAN
"Have you tried to reaching out to HR?"
WOMAN
"I did but all they said was "Just be grateful you know who you are" whatever that means?"
MAN
"All this is probably stress which is understandable, does your company have any medical facilities or advice?"
WOMAN
"We have company doctor"
The man is more upbeat.
MAN
"Well why not have a chat with them?"
WOMAN
"They were the first ones I called, that's what started it all!"
MAN
"Why what did they say ?"
The woman goes to bits.
WOMAN
"I'll never know, I just told the receptionist that I was feeling a 'Bit Queer' and she told me that I was struck off from their practice and a report was going to the NHS as well. That's how I ended up here I don't know how the world works anymore."
MAN
"It's not easy being up to date".
WOMAN
Up to date? I feel like I'm in a permanent mine field. I'm 57 I've never been in trouble in my life and this morning on my way to work I was threatened with the police for 'Sizeism' after I tutted at a dwarf on an E Scooter who nearly ran me down on the pavement outside the Tube station. And now here I am being talked down off a roof".
MAN
I'm sorry I'm not here to talk you down that would be a gross attack on your mindset."
WOMAN
Then what are you here for?
MAN
"To ask you to put a mask on, the paramedics below are still using Covid sensitive protocols".
WOMAN
"A mask are you f**king joking? "
MAN
"I don't joke , and while I'm not here to supress your vocabulary I don't swear either".
The woman jumps off the roof.
The second man comes over to console the first man.
MAN 2
"You did all you could without encroaching on her mindset. Would you like to go down and have a Latte and we could talk about it?"
MAN 1
"I'm a level 78 vegan to me Latte is worse than blood !"
MAN 2
"I had no idea, would you like to report me ? You can use my app"
MAN1
"Its ok I can do it on my own one"
