Hiya
This was my first rejection on Sketch Factor. An idea for an original sketch under the criteria 'modern nonsense'.
Feedback would be greatly appreciated.
Thanks
Dan
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AMBULANCE CHASERS
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GRAMSLOW-BUDGET “NO WIN, NO FEE” MUSIC
PRESENTER:
Have *you* been injured filming a commercial that sues companies for accidents at work? You have? Well, you could be entitled to lump sum compensation!
F/X:THE ‘CHING-CHING’ OF A CASH REGISTER OPENING
PRESENTER:
Yes! It’s true! More people are being injured in the filming of these commercials every single day. All you see on TV is the happy ending. Fifteen consecutive commercials on back-street satellite channels. But *behind* the on-screen smiles lies a world of pain and hurt. (BEAT)
Mark here was injured during his first walk-on part…
MARK:
(BRIGHTLY) I turned up for some ‘extra’ work and managed to swing a speaking role. I was delighted! (SERIOUS) It soon turned to tears. Walking at a forty-five degree angle looking directly at camera, describing a fictitious accident scenario, I crashed into a desk where a young lady was pretending to take a claim.
F/X:FOOTSTEPS FOLLOWED BY THUD AND SCREAM OF AGONY. AMBULANCE SIREN BURSTS IN
MARK:
I broke three ribs and dislocated my knee as I fell to the floor. It was agony. (BRIGHTLY) Contacting “No-More: No-Win, No-Fee”, I learnt I was entitled to compensation and was awarded over 8,000 pence!
F/X:THE ‘CHING-CHING’ OF A CASH REGISTER OPENING
PRESENTER:
Margot here was temporarily deafened in one ear whilst sitting at the on-screen desk, pretending to take a telephone claim.
MARGOT:
They told me the phones weren’t connected but feedback roared into my ear!
F/X:FEEDBACK FOLLOWED BY RIPPING, TEARING NOISE AND CRASHING OF CYMBALS. AMBULANCE SIREN BURSTS IN
MARGOT:
I couldn’t hear for four days and still suffer from tinnitus now.
F/X:AGGRESSIVE UNRELENTING RINGING BELL
MARGOT:
I claimed… (JOYOUS) …and received fifty-six pounds and seventy-three pence!
F/X:THE ‘CHING-CHING’ OF A CASH REGISTER OPENING
PRESENTER:
Tamara was a veteran of such work, having experienced it for over seven years. Her complacency was not at fault for the overwaxed floor as she introduced a commercial.
F/X:NOISE OF SHOES SLIDING ACROSS FLOOR AND WOMAN GOING ‘WOAH!’ BEFORE CRASHING INTO BOXES. AMBULANCE SIREN BURSTS IN
PRESENTER (CONT’D):
One call to us and the production company admitted negligence. She claimed just under four and a half… (BEAT) pounds!
F/XTHE ‘CHING-CHING’ OF A CASH REGISTER OPENING
TAMARA:
(INCREDULOUS) Nothing like this ever happened before!
Not even when I appeared in a big-budget office accident reconstruction on ‘999’. I met Michael Burke!
PRESENTER:
(AGGRESSIVE) Next time you’re injured on set, filming a commercial about suing companies for work injuries, remember to contact “No more: No-Win, No-Fee”. All claims are based on a “No-‘No-Win, No-Fee’, No-Fee” basis. Call now! And *you* could be quids in—ARRGH!
F/X
OUND OF SHOE SLIPPING, PERSON FALLING DOWN STAIRS AND HITTING FLOOR AS THINGS CRASH ALL AROUND. WE HEAR THE NOISE OF A TELEPHONE BEING SLOWLY DIALLED.
END
