Oh no. I've opened a can of worms here... OK, let's just get this out of our systems...
Guns don't kill people. Chuck Norris kills People.
Chuck Norris doesn't wet the bed. The bed wets itself when Chuck Norris gets in it.
There is no theory of evolution. Just a list of animals Chuck Norris allows to live.
Chuck Norris does not sleep. He waits.
The chief export of Chuck Norris is Pain.
There is no chin under Chuck Norris' Beard. There is only another fist.
Chuck Norris has two speeds. Walk, and Kill.
The leading causes of death in the United States are: 1. Heart Disease 2. Chuck Norris 3. Cancer
Chuck Norris doesn't go hunting.... CHUCK NORRIS GOES KILLING
In Pamplona, Spain, the people may be running from the bulls, but the bulls are running from Chuck Norris.
Crop circles are Chuck Norris' way of telling the world that sometimes corn needs to lie down.
The Great Wall of China was originally created to keep Chuck Norris out. It failed miserably.
Contrary to popular belief, Chuck Norris, not the box jellyfish of northern Australia, is the most venomous creature on earth. Within 3 minutes of being bitten, a human being experiences the following symptoms: fever, blurred vision, beard rash, tightness of the jeans, and the feeling of being repeatedly kicked through a car windshield.
Most people have 23 pairs of chromosomes. Chuck Norris has 72... and they're all poisonous.
If you ask Chuck Norris what time it is, he always says, "Two seconds 'til." After you ask, "Two seconds 'til what?" he roundhouse kicks you in the face.
The quickest way to a man's heart is with Chuck Norris' fist.
Chuck Norris can win a game of Connect Four in only three moves.
What was going through the minds of all of Chuck Norris' victims before they died? His shoe.
Chuck Norris is the only man to ever defeat a brick wall in a game of tennis.
Police label anyone attacking Chuck Norris as a Code 45-11.... a suicide.
Chuck Norris doesn’t wash his clothes, he disembowels them.
A Handicapped parking sign does not signify that this spot is for handicapped people. It is actually in fact a warning, that the spot belongs to Chuck Norris and that you will be handicapped if you park there.
Someone once videotaped Chuck Norris getting pissed off. It was called Walker: Texas Chain Saw Masacre.
Someone once tried to tell Chuck Norris that roundhouse kicks aren't the best way to kick someone. This has been recorded by historians as the worst mistake anyone has ever made.
Chuck Norris is not hung like a horse... horses are hung like Chuck Norris.
Chuck Norris can hit you so hard that he can actually alter your DNA. Decades from now your descendants will occasionally clutch their heads and yell "What The Hell was That?"
Time waits for no man. Unless that man is Chuck Norris.
Chuck Norris sheds his skin twice a year.
When Chuck Norris falls in water, Chuck Norris doesn't get wet. Water gets Chuck Norris.
How much wood would a woodchuck chuck if a woodchuck could Chuck Norris? ...All of it.
On his birthday, Chuck Norris randomly selects one lucky child to be thrown into the sun.
Some people wear Superman pajamas. Superman wears Chuck Norris pajamas.
There is in fact an “I” in Norris, but there is no “team”… not even close.
I don't think I got them all, but I think I got all the best ones. So let's just drop it now. Chuck Norris ain't all that... wait... what was tha