Old Habits

An aged man - The Colonel - wearing a military uniform stands on a balcony, peering into the night's sky through binoculars. In the background we can hear muffled bangs. A younger man, wearing a flying outfit and goggles, enters and stands next to The Colonel.

Stiffy
Good evening, Colonel.

The Colonel
Ah, good evening Stiffy. Are you ready?

Stiffy
As ready as the day I was trained Sir.

The Colonel
That's the spirit. Off you go then. Good luck.

Stiffy
Thankyou, Colonel.

The camera shows, from a distance, a plane moving down a runway and beginning to take off. It then cuts back to The Colonel, alone and looking through his binoculars.

The Colonel
Good lad. Good lad Stiffy.

Stiffy
Thankyou, Sir.

Stiffy is standing alongside The Colonel, holding a remote control. The camera cuts to pictures of a small remote control aeroplane darting through the air, while brightly coloured fireworks burst throughout the sky.

The Colonel
I'd be with you you know Stiffy, if it wasn't for this DAMNED arthritis.

Stiffy
I know Sir.

Haha... i love the whole pull back camera to reveal stuff... nice one!

I don't really get this one.

It says: "It then cuts back to The Colonel, alone and looking through his binoculars." - but then suddenly Stiffy is standing next to him. How is this? Is it just the camera shot that shows him alone and then suddenly Stiffy is there as the camera pulls abck? Even then I still think I'm missing something.

I should have made it clearer. The camera would be closer in on The Colonel, so that the other man would be out of shot. It would then pull back to reveal that he is not, after all, alone. I need to work on my directions (and dialogue, but one thing at a time).

Thanks for comments.

I really like this idea and I got it totally. The only thing is that the end is a little weak, in my oppinion - and what do I know about it?!!
Just that final punchline is a bit unworthy of a very good and well constructed script.

Liked this a lot, and I thought the last line was the best one. Good job.

I liked it because there is an untold story within - poignant and neat too.

Thankamayou for the comments. I will stare at the last line long and hard and then go away and forget about the sketch entirely.

Seriously, if I were to rob any sketch I'd read on this forum so far, this would be the one.

This is a very good sketch. Ideal for TV. It's quick and very funny. Well done Cin.

Thankyou (and you).

The trouble is that there isn't really anything than one can do with sketches. A warm feeling of achievement is never very satisfying and usually turns out to be heartburn.