There has been some fact checking today on Boris Johnson's economy speech on how a Tory Government will spend £5bn on infrastructure projects. The consensus is the UK economy is FACT!
FAKING NEWS Page 3
First minister Nicola Sturgeon announced that from Wednesday it will be mandatory for Scottish men to cover their mouths with their kilts whilst out in public. Ms Sturgeon said. "We want to show the world Scotland has the balls in tackling the Covid-19 pandemic."
Prime minister Boris Johnson says because of the coronavirus recreational cricket can't resume because of ' teas and dressing room risk' A spokesperson for the English Cricket Board said. "Howzat, then?"
With pubs reopening on the 4th of July The Cutlers' Arms in Rotherham has lowered the bar in readiness for an influx of Limbo dancers
Who might be the worst Prime Minister? Teresa may.
100 workers from a Ouija Board manufacturing company found out they had lost their jobs today, when it was reported in a national newspaper. A union spokesman said. "My members are very angry and upset that they weren't told by the board."
If a crowd gets prostitute sex, is it a whorde?
A man who consumed a dish full of sprouts, a vindaloo curry and drank eight cans of beer, followed the Government's social distancing guidelines in a cinema, today.
The cinema manager said. "The cinemagoer caused "Bubbles" on empty seats. Jezzzus, talk about Pickle 'n' Mix!"
Villain eats too much veg. Green gobblin'.
Police swooped on The Comedy Store in London today which has been putting on shows twice a day even though theatres are not allowed to open due to covid-19 lockdown. The police realised their mistake when it was pointed out to them it was the Houses of Parliament.
To create new UK jobs, the chancellor of the exchequer Rishi Sunak has announced he will be giving £1 billion to a floating duck houses manufacturer to build six ferries for HS2
Jeff Lynne refused my gift of feathers. He said, Don't bring me down.
First minister Nicola Sturgeon has announced the Scottish Highland Games can commence next week. She was asked about concerns for the safety of Tossers at the games?
Sturgeon said. " We don't have a problem with that what so ever. We will demand Boris Johnson and his cabinet wear face masks."
Good joke but you can tighten it up.
Thank you, Michael