Kettle.
E.
Last Letter, First Letter : Things You Have In Your Own Loft Page 3
Ecstasy tablet
Quote: beaky @ 11th November 2019, 8:13 PMEcstasy tablet
When your arms go up to Ride on Time, don't stick them through your roof.
Tinsel.
(If it was nearer to Christmas I couldn't have included this)
L.
Long thing with knobs on the end..................................(kept it from years ago, but still cannot figure out what it is or what it's for)
.It's been brought to our attention that there's a criminal mastermind about.He goes around making friendly inquiries regarding the whereabouts of personal belongings in your property but he may be what we call down here in the Green as" casing the joint."So be on your guard.Evening all.
Quote: john tregorran @ 12th November 2019, 12:23 AM.It's been brought to our attention that there's a criminal mastermind about.He goes around making friendly inquiries regarding the whereabouts of personal belongings in your property but he may be what we call down here in the Green as" casing the joint."So be on your guard.Evening all.
Oh my God! He must be after our elephant.
So in your house if someone says "that's the elephant in the room",they really mean it.
Haha. Well done Knacker of Dick Green Yard. Or is it?
Contrary to being a common tea leaf, I could have a Zee Car which I'm souping up in t-Newtown, cock, so as to speed with huge realism sarf into the set of The Sweeney.
"Ay-up. Come and 'ave a go if you think you're hard enough. How much did you pay for that whistle?"
"Shut it and stop thous mithering. Your snout either needs elocution lessons or his ears syringing".
"Ever fancied a gaff in the country? Wot on a copper's bunce? Did I 'eck as like. Go to the foot of our stairs, moosh".
So far I have established that one of our valued contributors (all of whom I always read with great interest) has an illegal drug in his "attic", another has an unlawful pet and a third has what sounds suspiciously like the kind of sex toy which has only been permissible since Shirley Bassey first entered the charts. Be careful, Be very, very careful.
Where were we?
Ah, yes. Tinsel.
L.
Quote: A Horseradish @ 12th November 2019, 6:43 AMWhere were we?
Ah, yes. Tinsel.
L.
Quote: A Horseradish @ 11th November 2019, 9:37 PMTinsel.
(If it was nearer to Christmas I couldn't have included this)
L.
Quote: Hercules Grytpype Thynne @ 11th November 2019, 11:47 PMLong thing with knobs on the end..................................(kept it from years ago, but still cannot figure out what it is or what it's for)
G
Must be an age thing 
Quote: Hercules Grytpype Thynne @ 12th November 2019, 8:43 AMG
Must be an age thing
I genuinely don't know what you are talking about here.
Is it:
1. A toilet plunger for removing clods and grouts
2. An artificial Christmas tree with baubles when you have always said you prefer a natural boob with or without tassels
3. A thick rubber truncheon with knuckle grinder
4. A thick rubber rabbit (requiring lube applied with a sponge)
5. A baseball bat for removing plods and snouts
6. A tube you found in one of the northern castles (pronounced cassels) or
7. An artificial f**k-you-all phallus which you wore with an Easter bonnet and a nun's habit at a Whitsun wedding as a bit part in Minder when unusually it was filmed during just one luncheon in the Gorbals?
Oh she's the girl that makes the thing that drills the hole that holds the spring that drives the rod that turns the knob that works the thing-ummy-bob. She's the babe like bint who did a grime vid stint that makes the slapper like bird that holds the oil that oils the ring that takes the shank that moves the crank that screws and reveals the thing-ummy-bob. Oh yus.
When I was just a wee little lad full of health and joy my father homeward came one night and gave to me a toy. It was perfect for a boy. It went "Zip" when it moved and "Bop" when it stopped and "Whirrr" when it stood still. I never knew just what it was and I never will. But suffice it to say he was 30 years inside when I shopped him to the old Bill. He's now known as gor blimey trousers Ben the didicoy. He writes a lot of slogans. "Down with Young Mothers. "The Cherokees are After Me." "Bollocks to Climate Change Deniers". "Legalize Dope in Medicinal Compounds". And he plays a magic piano. Sparky, can you see Bozo the Clown? No Mommy, I'm playing Rimsky-Korsakov with Jeremy Corbyn and Nicola Sturgeon. Yi-pi-yi-ay, Yi-pi-yi-o. Is the surgeon coming round? For they have sinned. Now can we PLEASE get back into our lofts.
TINSEL.
L.
Quote: A Horseradish @ 12th November 2019, 10:32 AMI genuinely don't know what you are talking about here.
Now can we PLEASE get back into our lofts.
TINSEL.
L.
I am..........You've offered Tinsel three times now and I offered...................................... a mysterious LONG THING 
G
Quote: Hercules Grytpype Thynne @ 12th November 2019, 11:46 AM
G
Oh I see.
Now you have explained it, that puts me back on an even keel.
Greetings cards.
S.
Sombrero.......................(in the same bag as that f**king straw donkey)
Point of order Mr Chairman - if you're going to keep on doing plurals we are going to run out of items starting with "S" - not unless we can reuse things we had in the bathroom/toilet, like sh......................
Quote: Hercules Grytpype Thynne @ 12th November 2019, 3:55 PMSombrero.......................(in the same bag as that f**king straw donkey)
Point of order Mr Chairman - if you're going to keep on doing plurals we are going to run out of items starting with "S" - not unless we can reuse things we had in the bathroom/toilet, like sh......................
Yes. To be honest I have 3 elephants up there but I didn't want to end with 's' again.
Old paperwork