British Comedy Guide

General Election 2019 Page 4

Let's impeach Boris, he's avoided all open debate. He's told the BBC he's only prepared to debate against Corbyn (presumably with scripted questions). My 14 year old son could do that, but I would be nervous about leaving him alone with Jo for a big debate. Come on Boris, grow a pair, we need a PM that can negotiate excellent trade deals, why are you so worried about Jo Swinson ? If you google "worst debaters uk" Boris and Trump are the two most prominent faces that come up page one. Laughing out loud

Jo Swinson bloody loves herself doesn't she??

Real smugness and arrogance about her

Don't know why, I've got virtually as much chance as being the next PM as she does

Not that I give a f**k about this farrago (poll cards went straight in the bin), but the Lib Dems are living in cloud cuckoo land.

Herc, right now that's not such a bad place to be.

The SNP have astutely pointed out how the conservatives appear to be the only major political party in Europe with no modern day example demonstrating they can work in coalition or even with consensus. They stitched the DUP up like kippers, and before that they stitched the Lib Dems up. No one wants to do a deal with Brois, so where are those 50 easy to get trade deals going to come from ? If we get the same leader back, we'll get the same crap results we've endured for 3 years. Forcing 50% of the population to agree via lies and manipulation doesn't work. Politics is changing, we need something different to break the deadlock.

Quote: Alfred J Kipper @ 9th November 2019, 7:52 AM

With a new Scottish leader they are being tipped to take a few more seats there. Sturgeon is seen as indy ref obsessed by many Scots. I predict Libdems to gain 8 Scottish seats and lose none making a total of 12. Labour to lose the most and SNP remain roughly the same.

I challenge all others to predict the result. Closest wins a banana. Mine -
Con - 303
Lab - 191
LD - 72
SNP - 37
BREXIT - 4
GREEN - 3
OTHERS - 40
Hung parliament Brexit put on hold for ten years.

With respect, I think something has gone wrong there in your calculations with your 40 others. How are you going to get as many as 40 others if "others" does not include SNP, Brexit Party and Greens all of whom you have given separated figures for? Northern Ireland is limited in seats to not very many and all the Sinn Fein ones aren't even accepted. After that, surely there is only lovely Lindsay Hoyle the animal lover (electing him as Speaker is the one thing this lot have done right : I worked hard to achieve that), Plaid Cymru plus if they are extremely lucky Anna Souffle and Dominic Grievance?

Pet Power :

https://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-7649351/ANDREW-PIERCE-profiles-new-Commons-Speaker-Lindsay-Hoyle.html

GPs

I find it bitterly disappointing but Herc is right (although having been disillusioned since 1979 is not something I share with him). Modern politicians talk absolute crap. One of hundreds of examples is the current talk about GP numbers. You will recall that a key argument for ongoing EU freedom of movement has been about the need for us to have enough GPs.

FOM since Blair has delivered 300,000 immigrants per annum but it could easily have been just one person or 10 million people per annum. Key here is what the ratio of new GPs is to the overall number of people arriving and of course nobody has a sodding clue either on the overall numbers of people turning up in the future or how many of them will be GPs.

Consequently, any consideration of ratios is by definition less informative than pissing in the wind, Now we have the Tories telling us just how many or few GPs there are in this country. It turns out to be three and a half thousand which to my mind sounds totally pathetic for a population of 65 million. They say that they are going to train up 500 more people here to be GPs in each future year. What the hell does that mean? When Tone decided that 50% of our citizens should go to university, nothing was done by any Government then or afterwards to substantially increase numbers on medical courses.

Ultimately it is for individuals to decide if they want to do the medical courses that are available and no Prime Minister can force them if they want to do media studies instead, Of course, it could be that loads and loads want to do them but there aren't enough courses. We don't know, The politicians presumably don't know either. So in terms of the domestic situation it is all a terrible joke in which nobody in truth has a bloody clue what they are doing or are responsible for. And as for the EU dimension there is absolutely no connection between 300,000 plus immigrants and GP need which even if mega boosted would be about 3% of that number. In short, all sides of politics no longer have any common sense/rationality.

It's pretty simple.

Get this Brexit deal over the line however bad it is but then that of itself is not enough. Build two new universities which are wholly for medical courses and get the Government to waive all tuition fees for our young people who want to attend those rather than anything else. I just can't understand why all of them are too stupid to find that idea in their heads.

Quote: A Horseradish @ 9th November 2019, 1:23 PM

a key argument for ongoing EU freedom of movement has been about the need for us to have enough GPs.

I'm imagining Europe falling victim to a zombie apocalypse and huge numbers of those creatures setting sail across the channel to invade Britain.

As the combined forces of the army, navy and RAF level their weaponry at the oncoming horde, I can quite clearly see a few people running in front of our brave boys (and girls), waving their arms and shouting "Don't shoot! Some of them might be GPs!" Laughing out loud

Quote: Rood Eye @ 9th November 2019, 1:35 PM

I'm imagining Europe falling victim to a zombie apocalypse and huge numbers of those creatures setting sail across the channel to invade Britain.

As the combined forces of the army, navy and RAF level their weaponry at the oncoming horde, I can quite clearly see a few people running in front of our brave boys (and girls), waving their arms and shouting "Don't shoot! Some of them might be GPs!" Laughing out loud

Wimmin

Oddly enough while I am in a half serious mood my other post was going to be about women politicians. Though well intentioned, I doubt that Swinson, McGovern, Creasey, Lucas et al would be at all satisfied with your "(and girls)". I am aware that while I myself also try to be balanced - I'm not seeing in the blokes a modern day Churchill or Attlee - I am finding it easier to take the piss out of the women MPs. To put this in context, I am not at all comfortable with it.

The obvious point is that we all know that the Twitter nutters have given women MPs the most bile (although this can be overstated as the guys have had it too) and I can happily confirm I am not the vicious, nasty sort. The less obvious point is that unusually perhaps for a middle aged man if you were ask me to list my 30 political heroes in historical terms more than half would be women. The majority would be left wing although there are a fair few Conservatives there too. Still, wet dreams always involved the left side especially whenever they involved feistiness, true grit and red flaming hair.

But I just find this current breed mostly brittle. Morgan is going. Whatever she says, I don't regard her as a One Nation Tory. And when she was as a second Minister at a professionals' conference talking nonsense and someone stood up and said "could we have the Secretary of State instead?", the way she accused him of being sexist purely on the grounds that she had been wrong footed was really lousy. I'm so glad that she is leaving Parliament, And then you get all of these other people on the left or in the liberals who go against a democratic outcome and then claim that they are not the bullies but being bullied. Sorry, I don't accept the manipulative twist. Luckily, there are at least two exceptions, one on each side.

Patel does not go out of her way to be liked. She is a right so-and-so and loves that fact. I like her because I trust her to single-handedly eliminate knife crime and save people's lives. And Caroline Flint has come on in absolute leaps and bounds. I feel that she is becoming the true heir to the great left wing women of the past. Labour could do worse than choosing her as their next leader, not that they will do so in a month of Sundays. They are already preparing Rebecca Long Bailey who is the true air to Blair. Remember Blair claiming that he saw Jackie Milburn play at Newcastle Utd on a certain date when that was impossible? Becs claims that when she was born her mother could hear the cheers from the Stretford End. Actually Man Utd were away to Wolves on 22-9-79. This is what I mean by brittle. For which read full of tripe.

While I have my views, unique, they tend to pan out all over the spectrum in various ways : Tory Lynda Chalker was a cry baby because she cared and I would have joined her private staff with a hanky had any in my pockets at that time been in any fit condition but I post this from dear Barbara regularly as I love it so much - an inconsistent, flawed, soul but brilliant. It has never been a polarised my tribe or your tribe with me. No one represents where I stand (a liberal social conservative and economically a One Nation Tory Social Democrat : spot the wildness of it) . Hence, I choose the range of people I like:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ydw1ZHk0Tmc

The spread betting company, Sporting Index, are quoting their spreads as follows:

Conservatives 321 - 329
Labour 208 - 216
SNP 47 - 50
Lib Dem 42 - 47
Plaid Cymru 3.9 - 4.9
Brexit Party 2 - 4
Green Party 2.2 - 3.2
UKIP 0.1 - 0.5

Quote: Billy Bunter @ 9th November 2019, 3:02 PM

The spread betting company, Sporting Index, are quoting their spreads as follows:

Conservatives 321 - 329
Labour 208 - 216
SNP 47 - 50
Lib Dem 42 - 47
Plaid Cymru 3.9 - 4.9
Brexit Party 2 - 4
Green Party 2.2 - 3.2
UKIP 0.1 - 0.5

No one in the media is mentioning that the Brexit Party doesn't have any policies other than for a clean break Brexit. The polling will change if it doesn't issue any manifesto or it does issue one. In order to win the northern seats from Labour it needs to be left wing and it can't do it. When that becomes apparent, more votes will go to the Tories (who are pitching themselves leftwards) - and to Labour. It isn't so much the 2-4 seats currently allocated to BXP but more how the shift in vote share away from BXP will affect other places which want both Brexit and reasonable money given to public services.

Quote: A Horseradish @ 9th November 2019, 12:53 PM

With respect, I think something has gone wrong there in your calculations with your 40 others. How are you going to get as many as 40 others if "others" does not include SNP, Brexit Party and Greens all of whom you have given separated figures for? Northern Ireland is limited in seats to not very many and all the Sinn Fein ones aren't even accepted. After that, surely there is only lovely Lindsay Hoyle the animal lover (electing him as Speaker is the one thing this lot have done right : I worked hard to achieve that), Plaid Cymru plus if they are extremely lucky Anna Souffle and Dominic Grievance?

Pet Power :

https://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-7649351/ANDREW-PIERCE-profiles-new-Commons-Speaker-Lindsay-Hoyle.html

Well I thought there's a lot of others about at the mo and they're probably all remainers but I'm happy to revise it nearer the time. Anyway I've already won as no one put up a challenge. Give me my banana.

Quote: Alfred J Kipper @ 10th November 2019, 7:58 AM

Well I thought there's a lot of others about at the mo and they're probably all remainers but I'm happy to revise it nearer the time. Anyway I've already won as no one put up a challenge. Give me my banana.

Yes, you have already won because I for one cannot predict the outcome at the moment and at least you have tried. I have just got back from my local "village" Remembrance Sunday proceedings (we still hold on to the idea even though it is Greater London). Interesting to see that Tory MP Chris Philp chose to be here for it as opposed to anywhere else in his constituency. I genuinely think he is at the better end of politics right now and will be voting for him, never having voted Tory before 2017. What we like about these days - for we read me - is the self-disciplined formality of the events which bring out more genuine emotion than all of the trope drama, hissy fits and shrieks. There's enough of those in my own personality not to want them in our saturated media. Something of the ongoing organisation around the history conveys maybe things are not as bad as they seem. Honestly, I have had it up to here as someone who is nearly 57 being told by phone in hosts of 39 that they consider themselves old. Piss off. The lady who was at 19 saving our country thinks she is young at 97. Furthermore she is not a megalomaniac manipulative millionaire winger. She's not a depression salesman.

As for Corbyn et al, I'm a weird one but you knew that already. I am prepared to give people their dues. There is so much that is iffy about the Labour Party currently that I wouldn't know where to start but I have always had a soft spot for proper Labour whether it was to the left or the right as long as it was anywhere but bloody Blair and Brown. I thought his video message was good enough today and he is a good campaigner. If it turns out to be them at the helm, so be it, just as I feel so be it in terms of say Lib Dem economics. The massive thing with me as someone who on balance voted Remain and then turned dramatically to be vehemently leave with a deal on the outcome is I just can't stomach anyone who disagrees by playing lib Naz. Key here is immigration. The Labour deal would maintain unfettered incoming numbers. On the other side of the coin, I love the way that the trashy Boris has at least bent in the wind to have Patel and Javid in senior positions. I genuinely like that aspect and it feels right to me. Thank Christ they are all the anti Cameron and Osborne.

Anyhow this is supposed to be a comedy forum so my "joke" of the day is about Dan Carden, 35, and the darker underbelly of that sort of area. If he did sing "Hey Jews" while pissed as a newt on the way back from spaffing his big money up the walls of Cheltenham races, I guess the question must be if he is not so much for the Beatles as in Lennon and McCartney and more for the group of IS thugs who go under the name of the Beatles. Josephine Public needs to be told and tonight Matthew I am going to be Josephine even if this is the first time we have ever bought a bra for meself. Really? No not really. That was a second joke. You can't have too much of a great thing can yous, me aw gor blimeys.

Sir Jehovah Combine:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=T6ZJRkkeTdk :S

Jeremy Corbyn wants everybody to have free broadband - I think that's an absolutely great idea, in principle.

However, it will be expensive and I'm not sure how many extra votes it'll gain him.

The less-well-off people of Britain will be absolutely delighted by the idea but the chances are that most of them are already voting Labour.

Will his idea woo voters away from the Lib Dems and other moderate parties?

The answer, I think, is that it almost certainly will - but I'm not sure how many it will attract.

Perhaps he doesn't care? Perhaps he's doing it simply because he thinks it's a good thing to do?

It's entirely possible.

He's a politician.He hopes it will get him more votes.That's there raison d'etre.

He's a nutter and his uselessness is why we're under the boot if the arsehole Tories.

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