British Comedy Guide

The driving test.

First question: How many times before you passed? (Mine was 2nd attempt)

There was an article on R4 this afternoon saying over 50% fail the test, most the theory test.

And over 2000 are being sued by the DVLA for fraud by cheating the written test.
People are charging £1000 to help you cheat the test.
Apparently they stand outside the test centre with Bluetooth earpieces and the testee wears one and reads the questions out loud for him/her to answer for them.

First time.I don't remember a written exam.
I rode motor bikes for a few years before I took it,that really helped.You have to be more aware of what's going on,you can't brake suddenly like you can in a car.

I passed first time, about two weeks after my 17th birthday.
I then proceeded to drive like an absolute c**t for the next two years till I had a prang, then took it a lot easier.
On reflection I think it was a little too easy back then (everyone one I knew passed first time, pretty well).

I passed second time (in the olden days) but I don't think I could pass so easily if I had to do the theory first.

I passed the first time at age 16. I know very few people who have ever failed it. The UK test must be much more difficult than the average state test.

Terrible how people can cheat at something so important and no wonder there are so many needless serious collisions. I passed first time a few months after I turned 17 after about 22 weekly lessons and it was before the theory test was introduced and the examiner would ask random questions about the highway code instead. A few weeks after I passed I was giving friends a lift in my mums car and I pulled out to do a 3 point turn and a car drove in to me. It was a combination of me not realising how close the car was and it was dusk and raining. I also think she was speeding but it went 50/50 with the insurance claims. The evening of the collision she came without warning to take photos of the damage to my car and had her big brother with her possibly to be intimidating. I answered the door holding my two Rottweilers so there wasn't much chance of that. They turned out to be ok and 10 years later I found myself sitting next to her in a hospital xray department while we were both waiting to be seen. She didn't recognise me and I decided not to have a car crash reunion when were were both ill.

The saying is you only start to learn to drive when you've passed your driving test. The first thing everyone is does cross over the arms when doing turns instead of feeding the steering wheel like you have to in lessons and the test. Just doing it once in the test is probably a major fault and failure.

Second. I had a cheap mini van (£250) just before my 16th birthday but didn't pass my test until 18 years 9 months. On my first test at 17, I was wearing school uniform which is a massive mistake for a male - "he's too young to drive" - although it has over many decades absolutely guaranteed a pass for many females - "she's sexy". Also, it was a Thursday afternoon - pure bad luck as always - because everyone knows that this is the time when most fails occur. It is so late in the week that instructors are in a very bad mood without the plus point that Friday has which is that at least it is the end of the week.

As a footnote - and it's a bit weird this as I have recently written of a train I was on which caught fire and a coach which almost exploded : it's not wholly typical of my experiences - I was driving back home having passed with my Dad next to me and there was a smell of oil which got worse and worse and worse. On getting out, the engine was full of boiling hot sloshing oil so I suppose I was lucky in that respect. That problem was delayed until I had done my test. I don't recall getting the van repaired but I must have done as I had it for a full year after that day and used it daily to get into work.

Here's my story from the dark ages. I sat my test in 1968. My family had never had a car and I'd actually rarely been a passenger in a car. In those days the driving schools entered you for the test the minute you signed up for lessons. So after 10 or 12 lessons, I was sitting my test in a very busy area near the centre of Glasgow - all my pals (I worked well outside Glasgow) were sitting their tests in country areas on half-day closing and passing with ease. Anyway I had this vinegar-faced old bastard of an examiner. He took me for my hill start to a narrow street which, I'm not exagerating, had a gradient of maybe 80 degrees. I had difficulty, not helped by the fact he started yelling at me 'Open the throttle, girl!' So, Angelic what about this rule that they're not supposed to converse with you, and (b) more to the point, I had no idea what the sodding throttle was. Obviously I failed, as did my cousin a few years later with the old swine. Anyway, 51 years later I am still enjoying driving.

Passed motorbike first time as soon as I was old enough and then did the same with the car test. Of course, traffic etc was totally different then numbers wise.

BUT what concerns me, is that even now I can go out, buy and legally ride the most powerful motorbike in the world and not have a clue what I am a doing after over 50 years of not having ridden one. Crazy.

Quote: Briosaid @ 30th October 2019, 11:05 PM

a narrow street which, I'm not exagerating, had a gradient of maybe 80 degrees.

Exaggeration or not, Glasgow does have some bloody steep streets! Laughing out loud

Quote: Rood Eye @ 30th October 2019, 11:35 PM

Exaggeration or not, Glasgow does have some bloody steep streets! Laughing out loud

Indeed. It was an area called Springburn. I really should try to track down that street some time.

My first test was such a disaster, I gave up halfway through and drove back to the test station.

I sweated up so much all the windows steamed up and I couldn't see out of the back window to do the reversing round a corner - and hit the kerb.
I nearly hit a bus (aye a bus)
And I got stuck behind a dustbin lorry that was crawling along and when I overtook, a car was coming and blew his horn at me.
The tester told me to take the next right but I told him I knew I had failed and drove back.

1st time but it nearly wasn't as when we were in the examiner's office at the end and he said congratulations, you've passed your test I just need to check your provisional licence please. I handed him the green paper licence and he said 'Ah it's not signed' and my driving instructor who took me there put his head in his hands, as he had a good pass record which was now going to take a dent. The examiner then asked if I had anything else with my signature on it and I fumbled around in my pockets and pulled out my library card Laughing out loud Yes okay, I'll except this he said much to my instructor's relief. And I drove the car back.

I got my licence off the internet and I can drive around at 140 mph and if I get banned I buy another one and I can also park anywhere as I got the number plates off the same site.

Quote: Hercules Grytpype Thynne @ 30th October 2019, 11:22 PM

BUT what concerns me, is that even now I can go out, buy and legally ride the most powerful motorbike in the world and not have a clue what I am a doing after over 50 years of not having ridden one. Crazy.

It concerns me more, where do you live again? Teary

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