Not a sausage.
Gold Christmas Crackers joke competition Page 3
Nothing for me.....at Christmas
Not on Twitter so I was disenfranchised from the outset. 
Ar well, there's always next year.
Q. Why did Prince Andrew spend a night in a New York mansion sleeping with a girl from Jeffrey Epstein's stable?
A. There was no room at the Holiday Inn.
(Do you see what I did there?) 
Q. What's the difference between Father Christmas and an ambitious pimp?
A. Father Christmas is happy with only three "ho"s.
Q. What's life like for high-end call girls in London and New York at Christmas?
A. Great, if you don't mind the traffic.
You should save these for next year's Gold contest, Rood. Don't waste your comic gems on us.....
Quote: BTF @ 7th December 2019, 5:18 PMYou should save these for next year's Gold contest, Rood. Don't waste your comic gems on us.....
Don't worry, BTF - I'm just storing them here in case I forget them.
I'll send them off next October when the 2020 Gold Christmas Cracker Competition begins.
I know nobody on BCG would attempt to steal any of my material. 
The best jokes are out on Twitter. Don't want to sound like sour grapes but, sheesh........
The top 10 jokes can be found here:
https://www.comedy.co.uk/features/top_10_christmas_cracker_jokes_2019/
Hopefully, I offend nobody by reproducing them below:
1. Why does Donald Trump have his Christmas dinner on a plastic plate? He doesn't get on with china.
2. Why is Parliament like ancient Bethlehem? It takes a miracle to find three wise men there.
3. Christmas dinner is a lot like Brexit. Half the family were told they needed to make room for Turkey, so opted to leave Brussels.
4. Why has Santa been banned from sooty chimneys? Carbon footprints.
5. What is Coleen Rooney's favourite game to play over the festive period? Guess Who.
6. Why doesn't Jeremy Corbyn ever visit Santa? Because he struggles in the poles.
7. Why is Greta Thunberg boycotting parsnips and carrots at Christmas? Because she's a swede dish campaigner.
8. What's the difference between Rudolph's nose and David Cameron's autobiography? Only one will be red at Christmas.
9. What do you call a snowman who goes on Love Island? A melt.
10. What is Olivia Colman's favourite part of a turkey? The Crown.
I wrote number 8, the Rudolph/Cameron one. The top 10 all win a festive hamper but only the top 6 get their jokes printed inside a special set of crackers.
Quote: Dantrobus @ 10th December 2019, 11:27 AMI wrote number 8, the Rudolph/Cameron one.
Congratulations Dan.
Your "number 8" joke is (in my opinion) vastly superior to many of those placed above it in the results.
In fact, I think the best jokes are - in no particular order - jokes 6, 7 and 8.
Quote: Rood Eye @ 10th December 2019, 11:35 AMCongratulations Dan.
Your "number 8" joke is (in my opinion) vastly superior to many of those placed above it in the results.
In fact, I think the best jokes are - in no particular order - jokes 6, 7 and 8.
Thank you very much! Yeah, I'm a sucker for a tortured pun so I enjoyed the "Swede Dish campaigner" one too!
Hmmm the winning joke seems familiar.
Here's my joke that I posted first.
Why do Hong Kong protesters eat Christmas dinner off paper plates?
They don't like China.
Winning joke....
Why does Donald Trump have his Christmas dinner on a plastic plate?
He doesn't get on with China.
What a rip off.