BTF
Thursday 10th October 2019 8:27pm
581 posts
Quote: Jee Knee @ 10th October 2019, 9:11 PM
WEEK 4
BREAKING NEWS
1. The Boris Johnson novelty blimp was floated over the Tory Party Conference in Manchester this week. Crude, offensive and best viewed from a long way away, Manchester is a city in the north of England. [AUTHOR: Couldn't decide whether to go with that punchline or something naffer and more obvious like 'distracting, crude and over-inflated, Boris Johnson is the prime minister.'] [EDITOR: As usual, you chose poorly.]
2. A student in Ireland has duped a would-be internet scammer out of 25 pounds. To hear more about this story, please email newsjack.co.uk with your mother's maiden name and sort code. [EDITOR: Sigh.] [AUTHOR: Indeed.]
3. Scientists have discovered a new species of electric eel that creates a charge three times stronger than a domestic plug socket, making it the first animal ever to die from shock after seeing its own electricity bill. [AUTHOR: Yeah, I know. Too convoluted. Blah blah.]
GOOD WEEK / BAD WEEK
1. It's been a good week for Cambridge University library, which had a book returned that was 60 years overdue. It's been a bad week for the borrower, who claimed that they were just getting to the good bit.
2. It's been a good week for Elon Musk, who has unveiled a spaceship that he claims can carry passengers around the solar system. It's been a bad week for the test pilot, who has been sent on an urgent mission to locate his boss's marbles.
3. It's been a good week for a new species of whale which has been discovered off the coast of Japan. It's been a bad week for a now-extinct species of whale after it was discovered off the coast of Japan. [EDITOR: Not bad, but more of a 'hmmm' than a laugh.] [AUTHOR: Also it relies on a particular emphasis within the punchline.] [EDITOR: You don't really need me here. You're pointing out all the flaws yourself.] [AUTHOR: Yeah, I guess--] [EDITOR: AND YET YOU DON'T THINK TO RECTIFY THESE FLAWS BEFORE EMAILING THE F*****G DOCUMENT, DO YOU?] [AUTHOR: (silence)] [EDITOR: You don't, do you?] [AUTHOR: Sorry.] [EDITOR: (muttering)... Yeah. You're sorry... waste of space, you are...] [AUTHOR: Ummm... how's Claire?] [EDITOR: Dunno. I think she's at her parents. Do you know a good imaginary divorce lawyer?] [AUTHOR: I'm an imaginary writer. I know a cheap imaginary divorce lawyer.]
They are really funny
Quote: Jee Knee @ 10th October 2019, 9:11 PM
WEEK 4
BREAKING NEWS
1. The Boris Johnson novelty blimp was floated over the Tory Party Conference in Manchester this week. Crude, offensive and best viewed from a long way away, Manchester is a city in the north of England. [AUTHOR: Couldn't decide whether to go with that punchline or something naffer and more obvious like 'distracting, crude and over-inflated, Boris Johnson is the prime minister.'] [EDITOR: As usual, you chose poorly.]
2. A student in Ireland has duped a would-be internet scammer out of 25 pounds. To hear more about this story, please email newsjack.co.uk with your mother's maiden name and sort code. [EDITOR: Sigh.] [AUTHOR: Indeed.]
3. Scientists have discovered a new species of electric eel that creates a charge three times stronger than a domestic plug socket, making it the first animal ever to die from shock after seeing its own electricity bill. [AUTHOR: Yeah, I know. Too convoluted. Blah blah.]
GOOD WEEK / BAD WEEK
1. It's been a good week for Cambridge University library, which had a book returned that was 60 years overdue. It's been a bad week for the borrower, who claimed that they were just getting to the good bit.
2. It's been a good week for Elon Musk, who has unveiled a spaceship that he claims can carry passengers around the solar system. It's been a bad week for the test pilot, who has been sent on an urgent mission to locate his boss's marbles.
3. It's been a good week for a new species of whale which has been discovered off the coast of Japan. It's been a bad week for a now-extinct species of whale after it was discovered off the coast of Japan. [EDITOR: Not bad, but more of a 'hmmm' than a laugh.] [AUTHOR: Also it relies on a particular emphasis within the punchline.] [EDITOR: You don't really need me here. You're pointing out all the flaws yourself.] [AUTHOR: Yeah, I guess--] [EDITOR: AND YET YOU DON'T THINK TO RECTIFY THESE FLAWS BEFORE EMAILING THE F*****G DOCUMENT, DO YOU?] [AUTHOR: (silence)] [EDITOR: You don't, do you?] [AUTHOR: Sorry.] [EDITOR: (muttering)... Yeah. You're sorry... waste of space, you are...] [AUTHOR: Ummm... how's Claire?] [EDITOR: Dunno. I think she's at her parents. Do you know a good imaginary divorce lawyer?] [AUTHOR: I'm an imaginary writer. I know a cheap imaginary divorce lawyer.]
They are really funny
Quote: Jee Knee @ 10th October 2019, 9:11 PM
WEEK 4
BREAKING NEWS
1. The Boris Johnson novelty blimp was floated over the Tory Party Conference in Manchester this week. Crude, offensive and best viewed from a long way away, Manchester is a city in the north of England. [AUTHOR: Couldn't decide whether to go with that punchline or something naffer and more obvious like 'distracting, crude and over-inflated, Boris Johnson is the prime minister.'] [EDITOR: As usual, you chose poorly.]
2. A student in Ireland has duped a would-be internet scammer out of 25 pounds. To hear more about this story, please email newsjack.co.uk with your mother's maiden name and sort code. [EDITOR: Sigh.] [AUTHOR: Indeed.]
3. Scientists have discovered a new species of electric eel that creates a charge three times stronger than a domestic plug socket, making it the first animal ever to die from shock after seeing its own electricity bill. [AUTHOR: Yeah, I know. Too convoluted. Blah blah.]
GOOD WEEK / BAD WEEK
1. It's been a good week for Cambridge University library, which had a book returned that was 60 years overdue. It's been a bad week for the borrower, who claimed that they were just getting to the good bit.
2. It's been a good week for Elon Musk, who has unveiled a spaceship that he claims can carry passengers around the solar system. It's been a bad week for the test pilot, who has been sent on an urgent mission to locate his boss's marbles.
3. It's been a good week for a new species of whale which has been discovered off the coast of Japan. It's been a bad week for a now-extinct species of whale after it was discovered off the coast of Japan. [EDITOR: Not bad, but more of a 'hmmm' than a laugh.] [AUTHOR: Also it relies on a particular emphasis within the punchline.] [EDITOR: You don't really need me here. You're pointing out all the flaws yourself.] [AUTHOR: Yeah, I guess--] [EDITOR: AND YET YOU DON'T THINK TO RECTIFY THESE FLAWS BEFORE EMAILING THE F*****G DOCUMENT, DO YOU?] [AUTHOR: (silence)] [EDITOR: You don't, do you?] [AUTHOR: Sorry.] [EDITOR: (muttering)... Yeah. You're sorry... waste of space, you are...] [AUTHOR: Ummm... how's Claire?] [EDITOR: Dunno. I think she's at her parents. Do you know a good imaginary divorce lawyer?] [AUTHOR: I'm an imaginary writer. I know a cheap imaginary divorce lawyer.]
They are really funny