DENNIS FROST ENTERS MR. STAMP'S OFFICE
DENNIS (EXCITED):
Mr. Stamp! I've heard seven things about you.
STAMP:
Alright. Ok Dennis, wow me. What can you offer that can make us both millionaires?
DEN:
Right. You're going to be so happy with me. I have an idea for a book full of amazing feats and records.
STAMP:
Riiight....(dubiously)
DEN:
For instance, the hungriest man to run a marathon..was Jeffrey Thomas who said he was "absolutely starving" before the 1996 Olympics.
Aam, we have the tallest man to wind a baby... the nicest man to go blind, the first person to christen an otter, the-
STAMP:
Yes that's all well and good but the idea isn't entirely original is it.... what do you call this book?
DEN:
The Dennis Book of Records.
STAMP:
Hmm... You see both in content and name its quite similar to the Guinness Book of Records there.
DEN:
The what?
STAMP:
The Gui- Nevermind. What say we leave that in the 'maybe' pile. What else have you got?
DEN:
A documentary on a few of my more interesting friends. Uneven Pete: He always walks like he is on a kerb; Steve Jurassic: He looks like a disappointed caveman; Tom Johnson: He has the frostiest back I've ever seen. Like a cold winters morning, constantly.
STAMP:
MmmHmm...
DEN:
Dragons Den.
STAMP:
Oh yes?
DEN:
Yes. I Dennis Frost go in search of dragons in the hope of becoming their pet for a week and will therefore become Dragons Den/Dennis... I have the failed salmon, the jungle head of...
STAMP:
If I may just cut across you at this point and ask, have you anything good?
DEN:
Oooh good. If you'd just said good I'd have told you good. Aam 'I Dolphin'.
STAMP:
Dare I ask what that is?
DEN:
We get a group together and they spend six months working as dolphins on the shores of Mexico and we document the trials and tribulations that they encounter.
STAMP:
Can I just take that folder away from you........ I'll call out a few ideas and you explain them to me. Ok, 'Alan Johansson: The Mediocre Wolf'.
DEN:
Oh yes, that's a children's story about a wolf who doesn't do anything even remotely interesting.
STAMP:
Right. Not am....not...... Gerry the Pim?
DEN:
Just....just a name.
STAMP:
Excellent....and one more.... North Pole?
DEN:
A Polish man goes North a bit....kinda steps in a northerly direction... in a way.
STAMP:
Ok. So what do you think? Have any of your ideas got any chance of making it?
DENNIS LOOKS SHEEPISH.
V/O:
TWO WEEKS LATER.
CUT TO TV PRESENTER.
PRESENTER:
And that was the smash hit name from the smash hit show 'Gerry the Pim'!!
THEME TUNE...
'Whats his game, Gerry the Pim. Its just a name, Gerry the Pim. Gerry the Pim, Gerry the Pim. This is him!
PRESENTER:
And that was the smash hit name from the smash hit show 'Gerry the Pim'!! And now it's our story of the month.
CHILDRENS READER:
Today we're going to learn about Alan Johannsson; the mediocre wolf and the amazing and magical adventures that he doesn't get up to.
Alan Johannsson was a mediocre wolf of the highest order. He slept and slept for what seemed like seconds. Alan suddenly awoke but there was nothing there.
"What was that"? Thought Alan mediocrely. "That sounded like what may have been a noise". His eyes were reclosing, then his eyes fully closed. He was asleep.
He slept and slept and slept and slept......and slept and slept (TURN PAGE) and slept and slept. Suddenly; he slept some more. Alan slept. After two days he was awakened by his eyes. They opened.
Alan found it very hard to sleep when his eyes were open. Alan walked, he saw a tree, he heard a leaf. Then Alan burped, yawned and got sick on a mouse for as well as being mediocre Alan was also an ignorant prick.
END.
