Miss Busyshit and the girls Helen & Judy are speeding toward Chequers in the Morris Minor 1000. As Judy drives at 37 mph Miss Busyshit hurriedly outlines her concerns about the safety of the Cabinet to Helen, who at 37 is the older two girls by three days and clearly the more perceptive.
HEL:
Well we are going to need help
BS
Quis custodiet ipsos custodes?
HEL:
I'm sorry I was terrible at Latin in school . To be honest it was more thanks to the gym than the library that I made 'Head girl'
BS
'Who guards the guards' I fear we can not trust the police, the help we need has to be impeccable as the the country itself could be in peril
HEL:
I know just who we can turn to:
Helen leans over the front seat to speak to Judy who can barely hear her because the car is rattling like a 3 wheel pram full of empty cans that is being pushed down a flight of stairs by a one armed drunk.
HEL:
Make to Miss Hawthorns house , I'll ring ahead and get her to contact every society member that we can lay our bally hands on!
MB
What Society is it? Church club? Sewing circle?
HE
Miss B you are a hoot, no its JAGS ... the Joyce Grenfell Appreciation Society. , We call it Jags for short, its not alphabetically correct of course but its much easier to write down when you're passing secret notes about a meeting
Miss Busyshit rolls her eyes as they drive toward Miss Hawthorns cottage
Meanwhile back at Chequers Phillip Hammond is first down to dinner and he moves a few place names around so that he is not sat between Bojo & Fox . He then stands before the roaring fire legs apart oratory style as he begins practising his speech .
PH
No deal is just that no deal! It would be fiscally prudish of me to sanction what is tantamount to a limbo, a nation becalmed on an open ocean ...
As he is talking the fire place slides back to reveal a full flight of stone stairs.
Hammond is then hit on the head from behind and is dragged by his heels down the stairs and his head bangs on every step.
The fire then slides back as Sajid Javid the Home Secretary enters the dining room , he to moves the place names around so that he is sat next to The PM.
He then also walks over to the fireplace and he to practises his speech
SJ:
As the son of an immigrant and as someone who was born in a council house
The fire once agian slides back and Sajid Javid to is struck from behind and dragged backwards down the stairs the only difference being that who ever is doing all this is near the end of their teether as we hear them mutter
'For f**ks sake.
The fire once again slides back just as Theresa Bojo and Chronic enter the room and look surprised
TM
Where is everyone?
BoJo
Liam never answered when I knocked to tell him was coming down
TM
He was probably talking he likes to share rooms
CHRON
No something is wrong , something is very wrong
Chronic then points to figure in the darkest corner of the room who is holding a gun and standing over the half naked body of Liz Truss
TM
You?
BOJO
Oh my giddy aunt surely not you of all people ?
To be concluded in the next episode
Popcorn advised
