Chris Grayling is sat in a mini bus outside Marylebone railway station. The no marks in the cabinet are all sat in the back complaining.
Due to being a scouser Esther McVey is the loudest
EMc
I can't believe there's no trains
CG
Get off my back Esther its too hot
EMc:
How come we never got taken down in the Range Rovers? Why are we always being picked on?
CG
Security , the main ministers had to go in separate cars and they only had 7
EMc
Are they expecting an attack?
CG
No they were more worried about them attacking each other on the way down
EMc
Then why are we sat here, we need to go now!
CG
I'm sorry but I borrowed this mini bus off a friend of mine who's a gangmaster and I promised him that I'd drop a few workers off at a farm on the way there, those lettuce don't pick themselves you know
Five wretches are led onto the mini bus in handcuffs by a bald hooligan type of man in Chelsea top.
Matt Hancock Secretary Of State for Sport is not happy
MH
Why are they handcuffed? That's not cricket
The gangmaster looks surprised
GM
They all took advance loans from a third party I work with so they agreed to be shackled till they've paid it back, it saves them getting lost and when it comes to a 20 hour shift in 34 % heat they tend to do that..... a lot
One wretch sits next to Esther McVey and smiles
WRETCH:
Ola
EMc
Piss off you grotty little immigrant
Meanwhile back at Chequers man child Defence Secretary Gavin Williamson is in the library playing with a scale model of the Battle of Waterloo .
Micheal Gove enters and speaks to him a fatherly tone
MG
Gavin shouldn't you be with your voice coach? I thought you were going to do something about your high pitch squealing?
GW
In a minute! God get off my back! I'm already underfunded as it is. Besides I have just managed to knock 47 minutes off the Battle of Waterloo thanks to my grasp of military tactics
Micheal Gove looks down at the table
MG
You've had the Scotch Greys attack our own flank ? And you've formed square with the infantry despite them facing the French guns on the right. From what I can see you not only lost the battle but you may have also killed more of our own troops than the French did!
Gavin Williamson petulantly sweeps the table clean with his arms knocking lead toys all over the floor
Micheal Gove exits through the French windows into the garden, as Gavin Williamson starts picking up the toys. As he does so he notices a bookcase opening slowly
GW
Wow this is just like they have on Scooby Doo
He is then coshed and taken by his heels behind the bookcase, as he is being dragged his assailant notices that he is wearing Clarkes shoes with animal tracks on the soles.
Boris Johnson is in his room on his phone to the CBI
BOJO:
What part of f**k off are you people struggling to understand?
As he speaks he sees Micheal Gove through the window , neither men wave to each other as Gove heads toward Chronic who is in the garden in his shirt sleeves chopping wood
MG
You there domestic type, do you know who I am?
CHRON:
Yes I do sir you're the chap in charge of the environment
MG
I most certainly am and why if I may ask are you chopping that wood?
CHRON
Mr Johnson told cook to put dinner back an hour so she needs more wood for the Aga
MG
Well she won't be using that I forbid it, haven't you read my latest white paper?
CHRON
Begging your pardon sir but I rarely get time to even look at the tits in the Sun
MG
Well I've heard that there's a peat bog near by so why don't I cut you some peat thats better
CHRON
Be careful around Hawkswood Mire ,sir as many go but few come back
MG
Nonesense
Gove grabs a spade and heads off toward the mire, as he does a hound howls in the distance and the bushes rattle. The next minute we see Goves glasses on the mire and one of the lens is shattered.
Meanwhile on the M25 Chris Grayling and the other no marks are driving along in the mini bus.
The next minute two of the handcuff lettuce picking wretches stand up in what is clearly a pre planned move. They each produce a hand grenade and they pull the pins as they shout
WRETCH 1
Viva Fidel
WRETCH 2
Viva Raul
The mini bus then explodes (As promised)
To be continued
