Jeremy Hunt is in his room standing with his legs akimbo looking into a full length mirror. He then stands sideways and pretends to do a quick draw using a small bottle of hospital sanitiser he has on his belt like it's a Walther PPK.
He then spots a ladybird on the dressing table and promptly places an up turned glass over it. He then goes to the door and locks it as he takes off his suit jacket and rolls his cuffs up past his elbows hospital visiting style.
He then goes over to a large suitcase and opens it and takes out a Victorian doctors bag. He opens the bag and takes out a cloth roll of medical instruments. He selects the sharpest scalpel and then dips into the bag again and takes out a stethoscope which he puts around his neck as he returns to looking in the mirror and starts talking to himself
JH
Whats that you need me to operate? ....No one else can do it?...The first time its ever been tried.
He then goes over to the glass containing the Ladybird
JH
So you don't want to be able to fly anymore?....You say you need the doctor to take your wings off so that you can walk easier?.....What you say that I can change your life , with these hands ?
He then holds the scalpel up and as it shines in the candle light he smirks like a dead fish. He then raises the glass slowly but the Ladybird is fast and as it escapes Hunt goes to stop it and tumbles backwards and the scalpel goes right through his left eye and his screams can be heard all over Chequers. He then stumbles toward the door and unlocks it but then falls to the floor.
Chronic is the first there , Theresa May then rushes in wearing a Pat Butcher type dressing gown and face mask and Bojo is behind her in a smoking jacket and cravat and behind them comes Liam Fox who locks the door behind him, almost jamming Micheal Goves head as he does so
TM
Liam you're a former GP do something
Liam Fox goes over and looks at Hunt and shakes his head in semi dismay
LF
It's no good we would need to get him hospital within 3 hours to save him
BOJO
I could ring an ambulance
Fox and May both stir at Bojo
TM
Don't be stupid not now please Boris,
Bojo realises how stupid he has been and turns to Chronic and barks out orders to reestablish his authority
BOJO
Chronic clear the landing of gawkers, tell them he stood on a drawing pin or something and have cook put dinner back an hour
As Chronic leaves Dr Fox picks up a plump pillow and speaks in a sinister tone
LF
Even if we could get an ambulance in that time it would be tomorrow before any ER doctor would be free to see him, so he'd only die on a trolley and the media wouldn't believe their luck. No it's best to end it here. We can blame a shock from faulty wiring and then kill two birds with one stone by applying for a lottery Grant to rewire the whole place
BOJO
I could take him in the Range Rover and a few Mr Plods with shooters and we could make them see him. The Mail would lap that up , Bojo kicks arse etc
TM
He's the f**king Secretary of State for Health Boris , he's cut nearly everything they have and now you want him to takes whats left at gunpoint. What is it with you Boris? You seem determined to have us all hung from street lamps by the plebs?
Laim Fox is holding the pillow
LF
Its best I do it that way there is a modicum of medical procedure about it
Bojo and May nod as the leave the room and Liam Fox walks over toward Hunt.
Suddenly the full length mirror opens like a door and as it does so it squeaks causing Dr Fox to turn and look
LF
You... but thats not possible ?
Meanwhile on the M40
Miss Busyshit is just coming off the motorway on the Boris bike and she stops at the roundabout and sees a Morris 1000 Police car being driven by two young looking WPC's . She flags it down and it stops .
As it does the two WPC's in 1940's police uniforms get out excitedly and Miss Busyshit can see right away that they have a Jolly Hockey Sticks attitude to life about them
MB
Girls I need your help
WPC1
You're Agatha Busyshit we've read all your books
MB
Officers listen to me
WPC2
Oh we're not real Police officers, we're on our way to a classic car rally with Mary the Morris , we just wear this to add to the atmos
BS
Never the less girls you can still help me , we must get to Chequers as fast as we can
WPC1
Why Miss Busyshit?
MB
Because the Prime Minster and her entire cabinet are going to be murdered and I now know by who
The phoney WPCs squeal with delight as they strap the Boris bike to the roof of the Morris by using their stockings and garters. And then they all speed off toward Chequers
To be Continued
