The members of the cabinet are all stood inside the great entrance hall of Chequers , each holding a red leather case bearing the gold crest of HM Government .
They all stand around awkwardly not talking to each other when suddenly thunder and lightening starts and the chandelier above their heads goes out.
Chronic and several servants appear at the top of the great stairs each is holding a lit candelabra.
CHRONIC:
Prime Minister, Honorable ladies and gentlemen would you please follow a designated servant who will show you to your rooms. I'm sure the electricity will be repaired in time for dinner.
Theresa May tries to take charge of the situation
TM
Ok we've all agreed to meet here and everyone who matters has turned up so lets 'Get On' and go up stairs and get ready for dinner
A wild eyed Liam Fox can not be placated
LF:
Why not just get it out in the open now! We all know what side of the fence we stand
TM
I'm about bridges not fences Liam , I think ....
LF:
I don't care what you think Theresa nobody here does that's the whole f**king point !
Boris Johnson pulls Liam Fox back and and indicates with his eyebrows that he should wipe the spittle from his lips and compose himself .
The Servants then lead the cabinet members up the great staircase to their individual rooms.
As Liam and Boris walk up the stairs Liam Fox shouts and is again held back by Bojo
LF
I'm the f**king Secretary of State for WORLD Trade, you can't be more important than that, none of you can.
A smirking Theresa May mutters loud enough to be heard
TM
And hows that gone so far so?
Liam Fox attempts to get at her but is once again held back by Bojo
BOJO:
Leave it Liam , as my old Latin master would say 'Obit anus, abit onus'
Meanwhile at Heathrow departure lounge Miss Busyshit is coming around. She is being watched by pencil moustached Colonel Hawthorne the last surviving member of the Bengal Lancers. He has a pistol at Miss Busyshits ribs, with a houndstooth coat over it
BS:
Whats going on where am I?
CH:
This is Heathrow and you are being shall we say ' Escorted back to your native India'
BS
I see, of course and I suppose I am to be 'Met' at the other end no doubt
CH
Precisely
BS
Would it be ok if I purchased a book for the flight? You sound insufferable and I would rather spend my last hours reading a book than conversing with a crashing bore
CH
Ok but no funny tricks or I'll blow your spleen right out of your f**king back
Miss Busyshit goes over to the bookstore and heads straight for the Penguin classics and appears to be selecting one more by the thickness of its cover than its content. She is then urged to hurry via a poke in her ribs from the gun.
Miss Busyshit buys the book and then indicates toward the toilets sign with her head
BS:
May I use the toilets? It is a terribly long flight
CH
Ok but no funny stuff or I'll put a bullet through the middle of your face
BS
You are the most obnoxious man I have ever had the displeasure to meet
CH
Thank you , now get in and out and no funny stuff
Miss Busyshit selects a cubicle and hurriedly gets the book out and tears the cover off. She then folds it over and over and the squeezes the folds and appears to have a very sharp edge on the go. She then draws it across her throat practice style as she mutters to herself
BS
Ah the case of the 'Deadly Penguin' how apt
Meanwhile outside the toilets Terry Khan a service engineer is standing at the base of a step ladder holding a broken ceiling fan blade and is waiting for a new one to be dropped off to him from the stores.
Colonel Hawthorne has been watching Terry Khan both intently and angrily. So as Terry puts the fan down and puts his hands in his pockets and whistles Hawthorne of the Lancers has had enough
CH
You there Punka Wallah , don't you dare stand around being idle fetch my bags
As The Colonel points to the bench where his luggage is ,he fails to notice that Terry Khan is coming toward him with a terrible scowl . Terry then knocks the colonel spark out with a left and right combo as he speaks in a thick Brummie accent
TK
Who the bloody hell are you calling a punka whatsit?
Miss Busyshit comes out of the toilets and quickly soaks up the situation and she steps over the colonels body as she walks calmly out of Heathrow. She then passes a line of taxis and instead hires a Boris Bike and sets off following the signs for High Wycombe
To be continued
