A lovely summers day and an elderly lady on a bicycle is cheerfully being waved through several armed police checkpoints as she rides right up the gravel path to the front door of Chequers. She dismounts and hits the stand on her bike and heads towards the door which is opened by a butler. The lady greets the butler in a familiar tone.
BS:
Good morning Chronic , I was told that the Chief Constable was here?
CHRONIC:
Thats right Miss Busyshit he is , he's in the library with those Whitehall sorts . I suppose its with the big Pow Wow in the offing .
Chronic leads Miss Busyshit to the library and they enter without knocking
The Chief Constable who is sat at a table drinking tea with two top Civil Service bods is not best pleased
CC:
Miss Busyshit I really must protest.....
However he is cut short by the adamant Miss Busyshit
BS
Chief Constable I need to speak to you right away regarding the security of this forthcoming conference , as I believe there will be several very cunning murders
CC:
Cunning, they would have to be very cunning Miss Busyshit as the Secret Service have been over this place a thousand times
BS
Chief Constable you really should have read up on your history. You see this very house in which we stand was built by William Hawtrey in 1565 and part of the money came from his great friend Lord Walshingham , who as you know is the very founder of the Secret Service, coincidence I think not?
The two Whitehall types have gone ashen and squirm in their seats as Miss Busyshit continues
BS:
Chief Constable I warn you now that Chequers is no place to bring the British Government at this time
CC:
Really Miss Busyshit I must.....
BS:
Chief Constable this house contains at least 7 suspected priest holes that have never been detected. Not to mention that there are over a dozen trap doors due one former earl being a well known practical joker and another one developing a taste for magic. On top of that at least three of the bookcases are secret doors and the fire place has a staircase behind it.
CC:
Miss Busyshit even if that was the case we have the very very latest in automated surveillance
BS
Chief Constable you really should purchase a barometer , by 10'clock this very night there will be a tremendous storm and lightning will strike this house and render all your gadgets useless. Lighting has struck this place 9 times in ten years, each time a mighty Oak has born the brunt. But 9 Oak Lane is no more and this house stands exposed. And when the lights go out so will the murders begin
The Civil Service bods have heard enough, they nod to a man in sunglasses who talks into his sleeve . Two men in sunglasses then walk into the room and taser Miss Busyshit with cattle prods and she lays crumpled on the rug. They then grab an arm each and drag her prone body toward the door
The Chief Constable is shocked and outraged
CC
I really must ..
The main Civil Servant holds up one hand to silence the Chief Constable and then talks calmly to the man in the shades .
CS1:
Take her to Gosport , put 500 quid in cash in her file they'll know what it's for
SHADES:
That's no longer an option sir ,
The other Civil Servant has been surfing on his phone
CS2
I've just viewed her MI 5 File , she's a spinster , no children, her father was major in India she was born over there so we can just deport her. Oh and then have her 'Met' at the airport
The Chief Constable is appalled
CC
Really gentlemen, with what I've seen here...
CS1
You've seen nothing understand, your career and your family's careers now depend on you nodding
The Chief Constable nods forlornly as as he does so the man in the glasses slides a stiletto back up his sleeve.
Outside Chequers Miss Busyshit has been dragged and thrown in the boot of a car which is then driven out. As it drives out a convoy of green Range Rovers drives in containing Theresa May and her entire cabinet. As they leave the convoy the skies open and the rain falls
All this has been watched from an upstairs window by Chronic the butler ......
To Be Continued
