Isle be dammed

The Isle of Man Government is sat around a long table in a very secret session. in the corner of the room is a well dressed Chinese man stroking a white Manx cat

CHAIR:
Gentlemen has anyone of you heard the mainland government utter one word about whats going to happen to us after Brexit?

Angry murmurs of agreement

CHAIR:
Gentlemen the time has come to not only get ahead of the curve but to in fact set the whole thing spinning on its head and in doing so leave us all billionaires into the bargain

Extreme interest murmuring

CHAIR
Gentlemen may I introduce to you my honoured guest Mr Xi Xi Ix Xi Ixx Ing

VOICE :
Isn't he the chap who runs that take away 'Wok Around Clock' up by the Laxey Wheel ?

The chair goes to explain but Mr Xi carefully places the white Manx cat down and menacingly takes the floor

MR XI
Gentlemen I am not actually Xi Xi Ix Ixx Ing , I am in fact Xi Xi Ix Xix Ing, a high ranking Chinese government negotiator

VOICE
Can you get to the billionaire part mate

Mr Xi smiles as he continues

Mr XI:
Gentlemen Westminster and Brussels have no interest in you, either way they will make you do their bidding. As for the White House they don't even know that you exist

VOICE
You mentioned we can be billionaires

MR XI
Gentleman at this time in history the UK is in disarray , Its street are paved with scooter thieves , its moors are burning , its hospitals are at breaking point not to mention her jails, Her government is at odds with its self more than the opposition and the opposition is in opposition with itself . And all of this mania is currently being protected by an aircraft carrier with no planes on it

VOICE
We know all that mate, you said....

Mr Xi claps and two Chinese soldiers push in a large scale model of what looks like Hong Kong

MR XI
Gentlemen I give you the Isle of Mancow, a 24/7 365 adult playground with hotels and casinos and sweat shops the size of football pitches. All 34 of you will be given sea front hotels and casino complexes to run. Obviously you will kick back 78% of the profits directly to me, but I see your end as comfortably being a million a month

very excited murmuring

VOICE:
But what if that unifies the mainlanders? What if they send the army in

MXI
Then we will protect our investment as you will have asked for our help to protect your democracy

VOICE
The Mainlanders will never accept that

Mr Xi claps and the soldiers open the double doors and Boris Johnson and Liam Fox walk in smoking cigars

MR XI
Gentleman may I introduce you to your new sleeping partners, I expect they need no real introduction .

Parliament claps and a champagne cork pops

You should start filming these and put them on YouTube. Perhaps Prince Charles, a well known comedy fan, would fund production, although your press suggest he is a scrounger.

Thanks Ken, sadly I don't have any film or animation capabilities , I just write these when I come on here to show myself that I can do it. My stuffs not ground breaking or even that funny, but its an outlet and thats what counts. You see a writer writes even when there is every chance that no one will ever read what they have written. At least with the ones I write on here I sense that a few read them, so at least thats something. But thanks for your comments mate as they really do help .

Maybe there is a talented cartoonist lurking to transform these into submissions for Viz? Just have to add gratuitous swearing to make them sufficiently stale-edgy for Viz.

Kenneth I would happily collaborate with anyone on anything as there is nothing to lose and experience to gain. Sadly I think this site is now more for fans of comedy than writers. Don't get me wrong I know that there are plenty of good writers on here that are better and way more successful than me , that's why I put stuff up in the hope they like a piece and give me the type of insight that got them on the ladder.