British Comedy Guide

Teenager sues " Porn Free" Google.

In a test case that legal experts predict could change the future of the internet for generations to come, John Fletcher, 19, from Blackpool in Lancashire is suing Google founders Larry Page and Sergey Brin for over £25 million because, as his legal team have insisted, 'they have forcibly imposed censorship on the world wide web '.

Talking from his office in Trafford Street, Manchester, prosecuting lawyer Max Lythcoe told our reporter,

"What Google have done goes against everything that the internet stands for. It was meant to be a medium of communication that was free from state censorship. That is what makes it so revolutionary. Due to this particular search engine's 'new family friendly policy ', my client is now unable to download hard core pornography and we argue that this is an infringement of his civil liberties."

Mr Fletcher was unavailable for comment. However his brother did talk briefly to our home affairs correspondent, Peter Musgrove.

"Due to a socially crippling face John doesn't get out much. He spends much of his time downloading video clips from the internet. Recently however he has become very depressed due to Google's new policy on pornography. He told me that yesterday he searched for 'Mature Escorts ' only to be frustrated when a website advertising old 1980's Ford Cars came up. A similiar search for 'huge Dutch jugs' took him to a ceramics website in Holland. He even told me that the once PG [ Porn Guaranteed ] search of Watersports now took him 'A+G Suppliers-Specialists in Canoes and Kayaks'."

He added,

"For someone like John who relies on the internet to satisfy his sexual needs this new family friendly surfing is a total nightmare. He really is beginning to look tense."

A spokesman for google said yesterday,

"Yes we have made it more difficult to access hard core pornography and further we have no plans to change this . Indeed, if anything we are expanding our policy as much as is possible."

Words and phrases that will no longer be a guarantee of porn include:

Big tits... Now a link to the Kent Ornithological Society.

Generous grannies... The charitable section of the Women's Institute.

Anal insertions... A Colonic irrigation equipment store.

Scat... Link to Jim Davidson Fan club.

It's amusing but this joke has been done many times before

I liked it but I wasn't rolling about on the floor this time, KP.

How about a slightly different angle, make the guy a paedophile?

I'm full of tasteful ideas?

But it's nearer the knuckle and might throw a few curves???

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