IN EDIT - Apologies
Cold Sketch
yes ! like it. I'd consider removing her line. it doesn't add too much and, imo, you want to get as quickly as poss to your reveal. otherwise an audience might expect something to be 'amiss' which MIGHT not be as effective. having said that you could film with her line included and decide whether to incorporate or chop at the editing stage. so, if i was sending to a producer i'd get rid of it, if i was filming myself, I'd include. hope that makes sense !
Yeah, I see what you mean. It works better if that lines removed. I'll do that.